Page 56 of Find Me

“Are you telling me you had your brother’s friends in your bedroom, love? Boys? How scandalous,” he jokes, and I can hear the grin on his face.

“That’s your takeaway from all this?” I huff a laugh.

“The idea of you having other men in your room makes me want to do bad, bad things to them.” He chuckles, shaking his head.

“Oh, settle down.” I laugh. “It’s not like I had a revolving door into my room, there was only one guy,” I say lightly, the fondness of the memory returning.

“Alright, love,” he says, “you’ve piqued my interest so I’m going to have to hear the story behind this.”

“Oh, it’s nothing really. One of my brother Garrett’s friends—Royce—was interested in me and I had a crush on him since the moment I met him. He was so hot and was always making me laugh and feel special.”

I look up to see Jax watching me intently, his hand still tracing patterns in my skin.

“Anyway, Garrett used to come home on weekends during his first year at Harvard, and some weekends he’d bring all of his friends home with him too. It’s hard to believe but our house would resemble a frat at times, with all of guys staying over, spending the weekend playing video games and causing mischief in our town, or playing pranks on the help. It started one weekend when I was in the kitchen raiding the pantry and his friend came in and just started talking to me. And honestly, it was the first time I felt seen in my home. No one in my family really took time to talk to me but suddenly here was this guy, from Harvard no less, choosing me over his friends. He would ask me questions about myself, compliment me, and was just nice to be around. I wasn’t used to the attention, so naturally my crush on him doubled in intensity overnight.”

“The things I would do to those who can’t see how amazing you are…” Jax starts.

“Down boy,” I say jokingly, patting his chest in a halfhearted reprimand. “Do you want me to continue my story or not?” I ask.

“Please continue,” he says with a wide smile.

“My first kiss was in the kitchen a few weeks later. The group of them had come back home after watching some football game and I remember him striding into the kitchen to let me know his team won. But instead of leaving he walked closer to me until we were inches apart, and then he just pulled me in for a kiss. I was shocked. And totally head over heels. I didn’t even know what to make of it, and I definitely didn’t know what I was doing. He even said that as he pulled back, ‘Never been kissed before, Evangeline?’ I blushed so hard and hightailed it back to my room, refusing to be seen by them for the rest of the weekend.” I laugh at the memory.

“I can’t imagine you not knowing how to use that perfect mouth of yours,” he starts, one of his fingers trailing over my lips lightly. “But that still doesn’t tell me how he ended up in your bedroom looking at your unicorn duvet,” he says, a clear indication he wants me to continue with the story I’ve been rattling on with.

“Well, I guess he knew I’d been avoiding him.”

“Or he wanted to kiss you again,” Jax interrupts.

“Or that too,” I agree. “Anyway, they all came back the following weekend, so I spent all my energy trying to avoid them. I was holed up in my room one night, painting into the early hours of the morning, and I hear my door open… I was so surprised to see him standing there… He had never been brazen enough to come to my room before, I assume because the last thing he wanted was for the guys to find out he was talking to me, Garrett’s kid sister. If Garrett ever found out he kissed me, he would have beaten the absolute shit out of him.”

“As any good brother would…” Jax comments.

I give him a small smile and take a breath.

“I asked him what he was doing in my room in the middle of the night and where Garrett and the other guys were. Apparently, they had all gone to bed and he wanted to come apologize about the kiss. He seemed genuine, saying he realized from my reaction I probably found his comment rude. I didn’t really know what to say, and I didn’t want to say anything to make him think I didn’t like him anymore… He was my crush after all. So, I accepted his apology, and admitted he was right, how it was my first kiss, and I was surprised.” I chuckle. “I remember telling him that next time he kisses me, he should avoid storming towards me and at least give me a heads up so I could have time to prepare myself.”

“Next time?” Jax asks. “Always so bold, love.” He smiles as his fingers keep tracing my skin, the sensation comforting.

I laugh. “That’s exactly what Royce said. I was mortified as I realized what I had just insinuated, trying to cover my tracks, trying not to let him see how much I actually liked him. And then he just stood there for a bit as we talked, him standing just inside my doorway and me glued to the wall on the other side of the room. I can’t even remember what we spoke about, but it was light and flirty, and it sent butterflies soaring in my stomach. And then he noticed the unicorn duvet.” I smile before continuing. “He sounded just like Garrett, teasing me for it, letting me know that it was a little childish to be in a unicorn phase, but twelve-year-old-me didn’t care; I loved unicorns, and loved everything about the rainbow of colors in my room, but I also wanted to impress him, so I agreed with him, telling him I didn’t like it and wanted a new one. I remember my heart pounding in my chest during this whole conversation; I had never flirted before, and here I was, navigating this new territory not sure what I was doing. But when he started walking towards me, that’s when I thought my heart would actually stop; the excitement, trepidation, and butterflies becoming so intense I couldn’t bear it. I had never been this close to him, besides when he kissed me, and I felt so awkward as I looked at him, waiting for him to speak and hoping that I didn’t say anything stupid.”

My lips move towards Jax, kissing him on the chest before I continue talking, and he gives a breathy sigh in response.

“He then asked me if I wanted to learn, and I was so confused, not knowing what exactly he was asking. I don’t know what I said in response, but it was enough for him to laugh. ‘Kissing, Evangeline, I could teach you,’ he said, and I suddenly forgot how to string two words together. My crush was literally asking me if he could kiss me… I was practically swooning at this point.” I laugh. “I remember being so nervous, literally jumping as he reached towards me, his fingers playing with the collar of my pajamas. And then he kissed me. But this one was different than the last one, not nearly as rushed or tentative, probably because he wasn’t worried about anyone walking in unexpectedly.”

Jax is quiet as I continue.

“We kept kissing for a while before he started steering me back towards my bed, and I remember everything feeling so surreal, like there was too much going on that I didn’t even know how I should be feeling or what I should be thinking. It wasn’t long before clothes came off and we were under my unicorn duvet together, and I became vividly aware of what happens in all the romance movies when they fade to black.” I smile, looking at Jax.

“Were you happy, love?” he asks me sincerely, the possessiveness in his voice replaced with care.

“As much as I wish my first time wasn’t so cliché, it wasn’t bad. He was kind and gentle and it wasn’t as awkward as a lot of the experiences my friends have. Though part of me wishes I had waited until I had more firsts first… if that makes sense.” I muse, mainly to myself.

We lay in the silence together, me lost in my memories and Jax still rubbing his hand across my body, my head resting on his chest.

I feel him tense underneath me, and I can hear his heartbeat growing louder and faster.

“Twelve?” he asks quietly.

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