Page 65 of Find Me

“I don’t know what you took, but it made you talk a lot. You were having straight up conversations with nobody in the back of my car.”

“I was not.”

“Scout’s honor,” he says solemnly.

“I thought I was sleeping?”

“Sleep talking maybe, or hallucinating, who knows. But you kept talking even when you were in bed here. It was like you were dreaming, but out loud.”

“Oh my god, please tell me I didn’t say anything embarrassing.” My cheeks flush as embarrassment sweeps over me.

“Like how you find me extremely handsome with an irresistible personality?” he jokes. “You said a lot Evi, but nothing Jax or I will ever hold against you. You can talk to us about anything when you’re ready. And until then, nothing you said will ever leave these four walls.”

I nod, feeling quite undeserving of the loyalty they have both shown me, and uneasy about what I could have confessed in my drug-fueled state.

“Thanks,” I say quietly, unsure how to express my gratitude. “I appreciate everything you guys have done. I do. I just struggle to accept it and I don’t know why.”

Ryan leans against the doorway for a few seconds before responding.

“Sometimes the people we surround ourselves with are a direct reflection of how we view ourselves, Evi, and it sounds like how you think you deserve to be treated is very different to how Jax and I think you deserve to be treated.” He muses.

“You don’t always have to be so wise,” I say jokingly, as his words resonate with me.

Ryan pushes off the wall. “I can’t help that I’m the smartest out of all of us, love,” he teases.

“Oh, don’t you start with that now,” I warn him before shooing him out of the bathroom so I can get out of the tub.

I dry off, wrapping a towel around me before searching for some fresh clothes. I find them quickly enough, throwing on a loose shirt and a pair of pajama shorts before finding a comb to brush out my hair.

My wet hair falls behind my shoulders, slowly dampening my shirt. I stare at myself in the mirror as I slowly untangle a particularly stubborn knot. I’m paler than I remember being, my freckles standing out starkly against my skin. My eyes are still the same, bright green and framed with long lashes. But there is something more to them now, a shadow of uneasiness behind them and darkness beneath them.

I finish with my hair, walking to the bedroom door quickly and knocking. A few seconds later Ryan opens it.

“What am I supposed to do in here besides be alone with my own thoughts?” I ask.

“Thought you’d never ask,” he replies. “Be right back.”

A couple of seconds later, Ryan walks in with some blank canvases and painting supplies, clearly raided from my own stash.

“We thought you might want this in case you got bored,” he says. “I’m not sure what time he’ll be back.”

“Thanks, this means a lot,” I say earnestly as I pick up the brushes and paints, setting up a space in the corner of the room by the window, overlooking the city below.

Ryan still stands in the doorway, casually leaning against the wooden frame as he watches me set everything up.

“What kind of work is he doing right now?” I ask, feigning innocence. My heart’s pounding, knowing I’m purposefully trying to cross a line and figure out what exactly his work entails today.

“You know I’m not supposed to tell you that,” Ryan replies quickly.

“And you know I’ll find out from you now or him later,” I say with a shrug.

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Has anyone told you you’re extremely difficult sometimes?”

“I’ve been called worse.” I shoot back with a smile.

Ryan nods. “Well, I guess it will give you some time to process if I tell you now.”

“Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like what I hear,” I muse quietly, my heartbeat the only sound I can hear.

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