Page 70 of Find Me

“While that’s an understandable worry to have, you’re forgetting one thing…”

“Hmm, what’s that?” I muse.

“That you’re now involved with one of the most powerful—what was the title you gave me—morally gray crime lords to date?” he says, his lips tilting up in a smile. “People know it would be a suicide mission if they ever so much as think of harming someone I care about.”

I know he means it. I know he will go to the ends of the earth to keep me safe, for reasons still unknown to me. But in this moment, it feels like there is something on the tip of my tongue, something that I’m not seeing but feel I should be. And I just can’t put my finger on it.

“We’ll talk more about this later over a hot cup of coffee,” he says, “but there’s no point worrying about it now, love, when there’s nothing we can do. So come back to bed.”

“I’m not tired,” I reply, shrugging.

“I said come to bed, love, not come to sleep.”

His green eyes flicker, and the sheets at his waist move, clearly indicating what he has in mind.

He lunges for me playfully, and a yelp escapes my lips as his hands grab mine, pulling me onto the bed before quickly shifting me underneath him.

I laugh, my smile genuine and broad.

“It sounds to me like you just need a distraction, and I am more than happy to be that for you this morning.” He purrs, his words laced with promises of things to come.

“Do your worst,” I say, my eyes flaring with anticipation, as my legs wrap around his waist.

His mouth collides with mine, and I lift my hips to be closer to him.

His hands move in a way that elicits moans of pleasure from me, as his lips taste every inch of my body. It doesn’t take long for me to surrender to him completely, riding a wave of euphoria I hope will last forever.

CHAPTER 24

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I must have drifted off to sleep as when I open my eyes again the sun is fully up, streaming through the giant window, my body warm even though I’m naked. I stretch as I roll over, finding Jax sleeping peacefully beside me. I take a moment to savor how content he looks, wondering what is responsible for the constant presence of shadows behind his eyes when he’s awake. I reach out to him, gently brushing a strand of hair off his forehead, before quietly shifting away, pulling the sheets off slowly, feeling the hot sun on my naked skin.

The evidence of our activities earlier is sticky on my thighs, and as I walk towards the bathroom, I realize I miss my apartment and its rustic charm, the hard floor here refusing to yield under my steps.

I turn the shower on and feel the hot water bite at my skin as I step underneath it.

I let the water wash over me, lathering shampoo between my hands and running it slowly through my tangled hair. I know exactly why it’s tangled, and smile as I remember Jax’s hands running through it, grabbing a fistful and guiding me up and down. I blush at the thought, my body remembering all too well what it felt like as I straddled him.

I wonder if I’ll ever get used to being near him, if I’ll ever stop wanting everything he can give me. My smile quickly fades as a part of me wonders if he’ll ever grow tired of wanting me, if he’ll ever find himself bored of the same repetitive cycle that I seem to be stuck in, constantly making choices that lead me straight back to rock bottom.

My chest feels like it’s going to cave in on itself as my thoughts sweep me into a world where Jax decides I’m just not worth it anymore, that I’m too much and yet not enough to keep fighting for.

But how do I move forward, what does that even look like? I find myself wondering. How do I make things right again?

I think about work, about Sam, my family, and the drugs. I think about Rhett, his friends, the partying, and the spiral that caught me off guard and swept me into it, like a current dragging a swimmer out to sea.

Tears start to stream down my face as the memories from the past several months start to resurface, and my breathing becomes shallow at the embarrassment of it all; the stumbling through clubs, falling over myself, and throwing myself at Rhett. At the fights with Sam, the one person I had in my corner before all of this, and at the realization that I gave up everything—Sam, art, looking for jobs—for a guy and some party drugs.

I stay in the shower thinking about my next steps until the water runs cold, and goosebumps cover my skin.

I turn off the water, shivering as I reach for a towel, and make quick work of drying myself off. I get dressed quickly before quietly walking back into the bedroom. While the room is still warm, the shower has me chilled to the bone, and the idea of a cup of hot tea makes me look at the bedroom door, and I wonder if it’s still locked.

I approach the door, and as I grab the handle surprise flickers through me as the cold metal shifts under my touch. I push my weight against it and a moment later it yields to me, groaning as it opens slowly, allowing me to slip out of the bedroom unnoticed.

Like the bedroom I just left, cold stone, concrete floors, huge windows, and leather furniture greets me as I look around Jax’s house. I take a tentative step forward, my feet moving quietly as I explore the place I have been kept for the past week. The sound of my breathing is the only thing I hear as I wander through his house, and I wonder if Jax and I are the only ones here. I walk past a home gym, a movie room, and a wine cellar, but my breath catches as I peer into what appears to be his office. Paintings of every style cover the walls surrounding the rugged desk that’s positioned in the middle of the room. I find myself craning my neck to get a better look at the art, and while I know I shouldn’t invade his privacy, I’m drawn into the room like a moth to a flame, and I tentatively walk through the doorway.

I feel nervous exploring his house without him beside me. It’s as if I’m getting an inside look at a part of him that I’ve never been allowed to see, and it feels strangely intimate. His collection is incredible, and a unique mix of excitement and inspiration bubbles within me, a feeling I only get when I’m immersed in art.

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