Page 62 of F*cking Shattered

I reach for it, squeezing it hard in my hand. Can I do this? Can I let Katie go?

She’s not holding me back, is she? She’s pushing me forward. I never would have done any of this stuff this summer without her.

“I can’t.” I shake my head while my hot tears leak from my eyes.

“It’s time, Jovi. She’s gone. It’s time you accept it. It will be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but once you do it, you’ll feel the weight lift from your shoulders. You’ll be free.”

I have had this weight on my shoulders since she was taken. I’ve also had this knot in my stomach. Will letting her go make all that go away? Before I didn’t want it to go away. I wanted the reminder. But maybe River is right. Maybe it’s time to move on, try to heal. Katie wouldn’t want me hurting.

I hold the lantern out as I strike the lighter. “I love you, Katie,” I whisper as I hold the flame to the paper.

After a few minutes, the lantern fills and begins to float. Thinking about my friend, I watch it as long as I can, until it’s no longer visible. I take a deep breath, and it soothes me. I do feel a little lighter.

I spin around to see River still holding his lantern. “What are you going to let go?”

He looks at me, pain reflecting in his eyes. “I’m letting go of all my anger and resentment.”

“Anger and resentment about what?”

“About it all: my friend that overdosed, my mom getting taken from me, my dad who never wanted anything to do with me growing up, and my sister who I moved across the country to be closer to, only for her to be taken too.”

The boat is pulling back up to the dock. I feel it shudder when the engine is shut off.

“Your sister? I thought you didn’t have any siblings?”

His jaw is flexed like he’s angry. “I may not have been completely honest with you.”

I feel my defenses rise. “Why would you lie about having a sister?”

“Think about it, Jovi.”

I lean against the railing of the boat and think over all of our conversations. I come up empty handed until my dreams of Katie pop into my head: her mom and dad fighting. A guy named Josh asking for money. River’s story about showing up asking his dad for money.

Then another memory pops into my head. One I hadn’t thought about in years.

Katie falls onto her bed next to me. There is something wrong with her. She looks angry or sad or something.

“I know the secret, Jo.”

“What secret?” I ask, suddenly intrigued.

“What my mom and dad were fighting about that day. Why things have been weird between them for a while now.”

“What? What is it?”

Her eyes fall to her hands, watching as she twists her fingers together. “I have a half-brother.”

I feel my eyes grow wide. “What?”

She nods. “My dad got some lady pregnant before he and my mom got together. He gave her money to get rid of it. Apparently, he went all this time not knowing that she never did. She had the baby. I have a half-brother out there. Can you believe it?” Her eyes are wide, excited and yet, still completely unsure.

“Oh my God. This is crazy!”

“I know. His name is Josh. He’s the guy that showed up asking for money. My dad was so shocked when he showed up at the house, he turned him away before we came home. I guess he got in contact with his old flame and found out that she kept the baby. My dad broke the news to my mom over lunch that day and she stormed out. That’s why they were fighting.”

I’m in shock right now. Mary and George had always seemed like the perfect couple to me. Up until recently that is. But I never imagined George having a secret love child.

“So what now? What’s going to happen?”

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