Page 64 of F*cking Shattered

“Jovi?” I can hear the concern in his voice.

I nod while wiping away tears that are falling on their own. “Yeah. It’s me.”

“What’s wrong? Where have you been?”

I take a deep breath. “I’ve been in Miami. I took Katie’s trip.”

“Oh.” I can hear the hurt from hearing her name lacing his words. “Well, is there something I can do for you?”

“Yes, actually. You can tell me about Josh.”

“Josh? My son, Josh?”

“That’s the one.” I stand and start pacing the floor.

“What is it that you want to know?” He sighs.

“Everything,” I breathe out. “I remember the fight. The one you and Mary had in the kitchen that day. And Katie told me some things, but I’d just like to hear it all from you.”

He clears his throat and at first I think he may not answer but then he speaks. “Well, back when I first started my company, I went to a seminar in New York. After a day of classes, me and my partner went out, and I met someone.” He takes a long breath. “We had several drinks and one thing led to another and…well, you know.”

Feeling slightly hysterical, I want to laugh because he can’t just come out and say they had sex, but I don’t. “Okay, what happened after that? I was told you paid her to get rid of the baby.”

“Before I left to come back home, we exchanged numbers. A couple of months later, I got a call. She was pregnant. I had just met Mary and I was head over heels in love. I didn’t want to let this woman I had a one-night stand with ruin my plans. I hadn’t known Mary long, but I knew she was the one I wanted. So…we talked and she decided to get rid of the baby. She said she couldn’t afford to do it on her own. She was living with one of her friends, and was only working part time. I told her I would wire her the money if she wanted. She accepted and I assumed she got it done. I never heard from her again.”

“So when did you find out?”

“Not until fifteen years later when he showed up on my doorstep!”

“And you turned him away?”

I hear the shaky breath he takes even though the phone. “I did. It wasn’t my finest hour, but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to believe him, but he looked just like me. Same blond hair, same blue eyes. I knew he was mine the second my eyes landed on him, but I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to think about the problems it would cause in my family. So, yes, I turned him away.”

I hear glass clanking together, like he’s pouring a drink. I can see him now, in his home office, pacing the floor with a glass of scotch in his hand.

“I didn’t want Mary and Kate to see him and ask questions. Not because I didn’t want them to know, but because I needed the truth for myself first. It took me about a week, but I finally found her number. I called and she told me everything. She said she couldn’t go through with it. It damn near crippled me because this whole time, I had a son out there that thought I didn’t want him, and then I went and turned him away.”

“And then what?” Tears are still leaking from my eyes and I don’t even know why anymore.

“Well, then I told Mary. She was mad. She thought I had known the whole time, that I kept it from her, and she stormed out on me. When I got off work that day, I came home and that was the fight you girls heard. We fought about it for a long time. I wanted to contact him, give him whatever he needed, but Mary, she didn’t even want to acknowledge that he existed. But finally, I told her that I was going to meet my son and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. That’s when I told Kate about the whole thing.”

“That’s when you guys went to New York to meet him.”

“That’s right. We made a trip to New York every year to visit. Josh and Kate talked weekly on the phone. He became family. I think he only moved out here because of his and Kate’s relationship. They were close. Jovi, why are you wanting to know all of this?”

I decide to come clean. I should talk to someone about it. “He came to Miami with me. I didn’t know who he was. I met him at your house the day of the funeral. He told me his name was River.”

“I see. Now you feel like you don’t know him at all?”

“Exactly. I told him things that only Katie knew, and he didn’t even tell me his real name. I love him, but can I excuse this?”

Talking to George is like talking to my own dad. He knows me better than I know myself because he knew me before I was me. He watched me grow from a small kid with scraped up knees to the woman I’ve become.

“Jovi, listen to me. Life is too short to hold grudges. Whatever Josh did, he’s a good kid and I’m sure he has his reasons. I’m sure he was only trying to protect you. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, is the lie he told so bad that he can’t be forgiven? If you love him as you say, shouldn’t you forgive him?”

I nod. “I should, but I don’t know if I can. I will always be wondering what else he’s lying about.”

“You don’t love him because of his name, Jovi. Love is blind. It will sneak up on you when you’re least expecting it. You love him because of the way he makes you feel. That wasn’t a lie.”

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