Page 33 of Fine, Dork

“Kinley. Why are you here, Savannah?”

Savannah rolled her light blue eyes. “You asked me to keep things professional at work, but I have more to say about our relationship. Jaxon, I made a mistake. I was so wrong when I ended things. I pulled all the data from our time together and determined that our goals weren’t aligned, and our couple activities didn’t mirror what psychologists would call a thriving relationship. On paper, our data didn’t work, but I didn’t account for feelings.” A tear rolled down her pale cheeks, and she lifted a shaking hand to wipe it away.

I let out a deep breath. “Do you want to sit?” I gestured toward my couch.

Savannah nodded and crossed the room. She sat on the edge of my couch and folded her hands in her lap. “Jaxon, I, I didn’t realize how much I’d miss you once our relationship ended. I find myself thinking about you before I fall asleep and the first thing when I wake up. I miss your laugh and your smell and our conversations about complex math.” Her tears streamed down her face now.

“Shit, Savannah. Let me grab you a tissue.”

After I handed her the tissue, she continued with her voice shaking, “Numbers make so much sense to me, but love doesn’t. I didn’t know I was feeling it until I removed it from my life. And now, I want it back! I want you back!” Savannah’s shoulders shook with her sobs.

In all the time I’d known Savannah—almost two years— I’d never seen her cry. She thought big displays of emotion were pathetic. Shit. She was truly in pain then. “Look, Savannah, I was hurt for a couple of days when you ended things, but then I came to this realization that you were right.” I didn’t want to make her feel worse. I wanted to validate her original conclusion and walk her back from this “missing me” stuff.

“No.” Savannah shook her head and dabbed at her tears with the tissue. “I wasn’t, Jaxon. That’s why I’m here!”

I stared down at my hands and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve moved forward, and I’m sort of seeing someone else now.”

Irritation flashed through Savannah’s eyes. “Please don’t tell me it’s Kinley.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Ugh. Jaxon, Kinley is so wrong for you! I know you have feelings for her, but life’s a giant playground for her. She doesn’t take things seriously enough and—"

“What’s so wrong with that?” I interrupted. “Maybe she’s the one that has life figured out and everyone else I know has a giant stick up their ass.”

Savannah’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open.

“Sorry, Savannah. I didn’t mean that you have a stick up your ass. That came out too harsh.”

She held up her hand to stop me. “No, I could lighten up a little. You wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that.” She gave me a half-smile and dabbed at her tears again with the tissue. “When did you start seeing Kinley?”

I rubbed the back of my neck and then rested my elbows on my knees. “Uh, I mean, we’re not official, but stuff started happening between us in Hawaii.”

Savannah bit her lip and nodded. “You know, I wanted to call you before you left. I wanted to tell you I made a mistake. If,” her voice cracked, “um, if I’d done that, would it have changed anything?”

I stared down at the plain blue rug under my coffee table—coincidentally, the one that Savannah helped me pick out at Ikea six months ago. I lifted my gaze to meet her pleading one. At one point, I saw a real future with this woman. It was a solid one and not the stuff of dreams like the life I saw with Kinley.

I thought I knew the answer, but I took a moment to truly consider Savannah’s question. I owed it to her after a full year of dating, didn’t I? And Kinley had broken my heart countless times. How did I know she wouldn’t do it again?

18

Kinley

My flight got in two hours earlier than scheduled. Jaxon was planning to come and pick me up, but I wanted to show up on his doorstep and surprise him. I already imagined the smile on his face and the scorching hot wild animal sex that would probably take place in his entryway.

I’d spent three weeks in the jungle. I was feeling primal.

I gathered my bags, ordered an Uber, and arrived at Jaxon’s San Francisco condo thirty minutes later with my heart racing. I bit my lip, ran my fingers through my hair to give it a little volume, and then knocked.

Jaxon pulled open the door, but he didn’t smile. His expression looked almost pained. “K. You’re early.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Sorry?”

“No, no, don’t be. I just, I was going to come and get you. Why didn’t you call?” He stood in the doorway with the door only halfway open. Was he hiding something from me?

I pushed the door open and spotted Savannah’s shiny auburn ponytail in his living room. She turned to glance at me, rolled her icy blue eyes, and then lifted her chin in an air of superiority.

What the hell was she doing here? My heart sank, and my stomach twisted into knots. I could feel Jaxon’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t meet his gaze. Fuck, I was so stupid. He was getting back together with Savannah, wasn’t he? Maybe they already were back together. We hadn’t emailed for a few days because I’d been busy wrapping up my project, then I’d been traveling non-stop for the last forty-eight hours. Shit. What if he’d sent me an email that I missed?

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