Page 32 of Of Course, Cutie

“It’s okay, mom. Do you miss him today?”

She let out a shuddering breath. “So much that there’s a physical ache in my chest. But you don’t need to see me like this.”

“Actually, I do. If we miss dad so much it hurts, then that means his memory is still alive.” I squeezed her a little tighter. She felt too thin. Grief made her forget to eat. “Also, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that still cries.” I kissed my mom’s forehead and stood. “I’m going to make buttered noodles. Want some?” I wasn’t hungry, but she needed some carbs and fat.

My mom smiled up at me and shook her head. “Oh, Charlie-girl. I’m the one who should be drying your tears.”

“You do. Come eat carbs with me.”

She followed me into the kitchen and watched while I boiled a pot of water and grabbed a package of pasta from the pantry. I studied her face and wondered if I should ask her for advice about my love life. She and my dad had this beautiful epic love, but it couldn’t have come easily. They must have had struggles, and those were the moments that could teach you the most.

I almost opened my mouth to ask, but I held back my question. Why would she want to remember the struggles when she was missing him so fiercely? It would be insensitive of me to ask.

I’d figure out my own shit with Burke. I would because I wanted him, and I’d never wanted anyone before.

15

Charlie

For almost two damn weeks, Burke took his breaks in the back room instead of outside, and he gave me single word answers when I stopped by the bar. But he still stared at my tits and ass. Burke hadn’t answered a single text either — not that I’d been blowing up his phone. But I’d seen those three little dots like he was typing a response countless times.

I’d been patient enough. He needed to take me or never look at me again. I marched into ’69 two days before Christmas and blew right past my brother.

“Charlie!” Evan called after me. “What the hell? Where’s my hug, kid?”

I groaned and turned around to hug Evan.

“What crawled up your ass today?”

“You’re so fucking funny, Evan.” I rolled my eyes and pulled away. “Where’s Burke?”

Evan glanced toward the empty bar. “Uh, probably in the back? Why?”

“I have a Christmas present for his daughter.”

Evan frowned. “Didn’t you watch her like once?”

I studied Evan’s face, thought about telling him I wanted to fuck his bartender, decided against it. “I’ve watched her a few times. She likes me.”

“Oh, I had no idea. Cool. Yeah, Burke’s probably in the back. You can go give it to him.”

“Thanks.” I walked away from my brother, and he watched me with a curious look until his phone rang.

I burst into the back room. Burke was there, arranging bottles of Grey Goose on a high shelf. “You’re avoiding me!” I accused, furious with him.

“That’s right.” Burke didn’t even turn to look at me but just kept working.

“Look at me, Burke! You’re being stupid!”

He sighed and turned to face me, crossing his big tattooed arms over his chest. “There’s nothing stupid about keeping my distance from my boss’s baby sister. That’s smart, Charlie.”

“But, you want me.”

“Yes, I do, but you’re way too young for me. You’re a kid.”

I scoffed, and something like insanity washed over me. I gripped the hem of my gray t-shirt and yanked it up to flash my bra. “Do I fucking look like a kid to you, Burke?”

Burke gaped at me, and then shot a worried glance toward the door. “Charlie! Anyone could walk in here! The hell are you doing?” He stepped toward me and yanked my shirt back down.

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