I nodded. “I’m glad you’re staying.”
“Me too.”
We sat in silence for a minute before I said, “I miss you.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Don’t.” Sienna shook her head.
I sighed. “I’m sorry. This sucks. Your family is falling apart, and I want to hold you, but I don’t know if I should.”
“You shouldn’t.”
Ouch.
We sat in silence for a few more minutes. This was the most I’d spoken to Sienna in months. It might be the last time I had her to myself. I knew the second I saw the For Sale sign in her yard that I couldn’t walk away without trying one more time.
I sighed and said, “Do you want to know why I dated Ava for so long?”
Sienna let out a shaky breath. “Look, I probably shouldn’t even be talking to you right now. I’m sorry about Ava. I’m sorry about… everything.”
“It was because part of me knew I was fucked either way, Sienna. I blew my chance with you the second I asked her out, and part of me knew that if I broke up with Ava, I’d lose you, too.”
Sienna met my gaze, and regret sat heavily between us.
“I should never have asked her out,” I said. “I didn’t even really want to, but I did because I thought you liked Rob, and then, you know Ava. She’s a bulldozer. She marked me as hers and then plowed right over me. I was the dumbass that let her.”
Sienna rolled her eyes. “Yep. We’re both her bitches for the rest of time.” Her eyes grew wide, and she covered her mouth with one hand. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean that. Ava is incredible. She’s always been there for me through everything with my parents. She’s like a sister to me.”
I squared my jaw and shook my head. Maybe I was wrong about Sienna. Maybe she did see the truth about Ava. “We don’t have to be her bitches, Sienna.”
Her beautiful gold-green eyes flashed up to meet mine, and I fought not to get lost in them. “I love Ava, Evan,” she said. “Even though she’s selfish and clueless. She’s also funny and sweet, and she has my back like no one ever has.” Sienna said it one more time as if to really drive home the point. “I love Ava.”
I sighed and stared down at my hands. “I know. I wish you didn’t. I wish you were a little more selfish.”
Sienna frowned down at her notebook. “Yeah. I’ll work on that.”
I gave her a half-smile and nudged her with my elbow. “Just a little bit. I love you the way you are. Wanting you to be selfish is just me being selfish.”
“You love me.” It wasn’t a question. It was a fact, and Sienna knew it.
I nodded and gazed out at the soccer field. “You love me?” I asked.
Sienna gave a stiff nod and then slammed her notebook shut. “But, like you said, we’re fucked either way.”
A strange ache began to spread through my chest. This was good-bye. I was heading off to UMT on a soccer scholarship in the fall, and Sienna was moving in with the enemy.
She would never be mine.
“Yep,” I sighed and stood to leave. “I uh… I’m really sorry about your parents, Sienna. I know shit is weird between us, but call me any time if you want to talk.”
“Thank you.” Sienna stood, too. “So, I guess I’ll see you around?” Her voice cracked.
“Sure, pal.” I gave her a sad smile and turned to walk back to my Camaro. “Sienna?” I called over my shoulder.
“Yeah?” Tears glistened in her eyes.
“Keep playing. You’re really good. Maybe I’ll see you at one of your shows someday when you’re famous.”
“Or maybe I’ll see you at one of your games when you’re famous.” She gave me a half-smile and wiped away a tear that dared to escape.