I’d taken the easy path by choosing Ava back in high school, and it was still biting me in the ass.
Sienna still wasn’t officially mine, and I was starting to think I was holding my breath for nothing. She was there for me in our bubble — and don’t get me wrong, I fucking lived for those moments alone with Sienna, exploring her body — but I still couldn’t call her my girlfriend. She still hadn’t stood up to Ava and told her about us. I was like her guilty little secret.
I tried to pretend it didn’t bother me, but it was eating at me from the inside out.
After the silence between us stretched on too long, I looked my dad in the eye and admitted, “I don’t know what the right path is. I think I always take the easy one.”
“No one has life figured out, son. We’re all faking it as we go. Just take things one step at a time. Pick up each choice as it comes, see if it feels right, and then make it. You don’t have to decide everything all at once.” My dad groaned and leaned back against his pillows. “And sometimes, the path doesn’t reveal itself until you’ve already taken a few steps.”
He groaned again. “Shit. I’m not making any sense, am I? Charlie gave me some meds right before you got here, and my head’s getting all fuzzy again.”
“No,” I assured. “You’re making perfect sense.”
“I want to tell you everything before I go, son. I don’t have much time left to tell you everything you need to know.” He closed his eyes. “I need to rest a minute, and then I’ll tell you everything.”
A moment later, he was fast asleep. I watched him and swallowed the painful lump in my throat. Reality was knocking. I dead bolted the door.
I made my way back down the stairs. Bea had gone home to her husband, Jack, and their daughter, Sophia. My mom sat on the couch, alone, gazing out the window with blank eyes.
I wandered into the kitchen and found Charlie furiously scrubbing the dirty dishes in the sink. She looked up when I entered, and I saw her red-rimmed eyes. “Is he sleeping now?” she asked.
I gave a gruff nod. “He’s really dying, isn’t he?” My voice sounded hollow and foreign to my ears, almost like I was a child and not a man at all.
Charlie wrinkled her forehead and replied, “Yeah, Evan.”
Reality crashed through all my locks and deadbolts and tore right into my chest. It didn’t fill me with tears and grief, though.
It filled me with rage.
???
I should have canceled my plans with Sienna. I had finally, one hundred percent admitted that my dad was going to die soon. I wasn’t fit to be around anyone at all.
I should have gone home and gotten wasted in my living room, alone.
But I showed up at the café where we agreed to meet, with nothing but rage burning through my veins.
“Hey.” Sienna sat across from me at the little round table. Her eyes scanned me and filled with worry. “You okay?”
I glared at her because a glare was all I could offer. “Yep.”
My phone started ringing. Fucking Ava again. I held it up so Sienna could see and arched a single eyebrow. “I take it you haven’t told her yet?”
Sienna frowned. “Well, no. I tried a couple of times last week, and—”
I scoffed and cut her off. “Sienna, I seriously can’t hear this right now. You are clearly going to choose Ava every time. You’re never going to be mine, and I need to face the facts. Maybe we were never really meant to have our chance.” I raised my voice and threw my hands in the air. “Life’s pretty fucking shitty, so why would we?”
Sienna flinched as if I’d struck her. “I… Evan, I’m going to tell her. I have plans to meet up with her in a few days, and I’m going to tell her. She’s been really busy, and I wanted to tell her in person.” She let out a shaky breath. “I choose you, Evan.”
Sienna reached for my hand, but I jerked it away. “Don’t fucking choose me because my dad is sick, Sienna. Don’t you dare choose me because you feel bad for me.” I ran my hands through my hair. I was off the rails with my fear and anger, and I was taking it all out on the girl I loved. I wanted to shut myself up, but I was hell-bent on destroying everything good in my life today.
If I couldn’t fucking save my dad, I didn’t deserve shit.
Sienna’s mouth dropped open, and pain filled her pretty eyes. “Evan, I — That’s not what— I’m not!”
I looked my beautiful soulmate right in the eye and said, “I can’t do this with you. I fucking need space, Sienna.”
I heard her breath catch, but I didn’t stay to watch the tears roll down her cheeks. I stood, shoved my hands in my pockets, and walked away from her.
I sure fucked that up, didn’t I?
I was already making my old man proud.