Page 49 of Just a Little in Love

“We’ll meet you there,” Daddy said firmly and guided Rowan into their car, making sure his seatbelt was fastened and Baby Bear was still safely in his pocket, before closing the door and getting in himself. He started the engine to warm the car up, but then turned and took Rowan’s hand. “Your dad called last night.”

Rowan’s eyes widened. “He did?”

“I was going to tell you last night and then this morning, but we were both a little distracted.” Rowan’s breath hitched a little as Daddy lifted Rowan’s hand to his lips, turned it over, and pressed a kiss to his palm. “I’ve struggled with this, but as your Daddy I want to be responsible for all of you, including financially.” Daddy placed Rowan’s hand on his lap but didn’t let go. “He told me you have an idea for what you want to do career-wise, but again, our conversation plans seem to go awry. So, I’m going to take a moment to explain that I understand your wish to help financially for two reasons. Firstly, I’m incredibly proud of you and all that you’ve accomplished despite what you’ve gone through. I can’t wait to hear your plans for the future.”

Warmth bloomed inside Rowan. Daddy was proud of him? Truly?

“Secondly, your dad is struggling with how guilty he feels over the whole situation with Janice, and the fact that you had to suffer her for years with little to no support from him, and to be honest, I can understand that. I was guilty of a similar situation myself with my sister. Because my relationship with my father was often strained, then I had jobs and travelling. I hadn’t realized how difficult the situation had gotten for Clare because I was never there. And I think it will take me a long time to forgive myself for that, so yes, I understand how he feels, and why he wants to help.”

Rowan bit his lip. He wanted to be home and sitting on Daddy’s lap.

“I knew as soon as Wendy mentioned our budget increasing, you would start worrying.” Daddy leaned over and took Rowan’s lips in such a gentle kiss, Rowan felt all his worries dissolve like bubbles.

“Now, do you promise to tell me honestly what you think of the houses?”

Rowan nodded eagerly. “Yes, Daddy.” His heart was so full it ached. Daddy wanted to be with him. He really did.

Daddy kissed him one more time, then put on his own seat belt and plugged the address into the GPS because Wendy had driven away.

Rowan gazed at the proper fenced yard of the next house and imagined the dog he was going to play with. He’d barely heard anything after Daddy’s whispered words as they’d looked at the third bedroom. This will be your playroom.

A playroom? For him?

Rowan didn’t so much walk around the rest of the house as he did float, and when Wendy asked him what he thought, he said, “Yes, please.” Which might not have been the right answer, but he didn’t care. Daddy was pleased with him, and despite all the mess he’d involved Daddy in, he seemed to like Rowan anyway.

Rowan loved Daddy. Absolutely a hundred trillion percent. Okay, technically, as all mathematicians knew, there was no biggest number. Googol, googolplex, or the Eddington number were all contenders, but Rowan didn’t need to put a name or a digit to the way he felt about Daddy because there wasn’t one. His love was endless, and he wanted to tell him. He just didn’t know how.

“I think we’ll take this one,” Daddy said, his gaze on Rowan.

They stopped for an ice cream on the way home. Rowan gaped at Daddy as he led him inside the old-fashioned store and encouraged Rowan to get chocolate-chip everything. They sat and Rowan stared at Daddy’s vanilla and raspberry creation with a few toffee chips and caramel sauce on it, then gazed at his own, which looked like a calorie explosion, and his happiness shriveled like week-old vegetables.

Daddy dipped his spoon in and hummed in appreciation when he put it in his mouth, but Rowan seemed as frozen as the ice-cream. He’d picked up his spoon, but his mother’s voice was suddenly very loud in his head. He was fat. He had no control. He let food control him.

No one would ever love him.

Daddy must have noticed Rowan hadn’t tried his ice cream, because before he knew it, Daddy had stood up, collected their dishes, and asked for them to-go.

This was it. This was finally the time Daddy lost patience with him. Rowan barely took any notice of Daddy getting him into the car, driving home, or getting inside, until he found himself cuddled on Daddy’s lap in the big, comfy chair in their bedroom.

“Baby boy,” Daddy murmured, bringing Rowan out of his spiral of self-hatred. “I thought the ice cream would be a treat, not a trigger, and I’m so sorry.”

Rowan was so shocked at Daddy apologizing that he gazed at Daddy in awe.

“I know your mother’s voice is in your head, but it’s not mine. It will never be mine.”

“I know,” Rowan said after a moment. “But it's hard.” And it was. It was also exhausting questioning everything Daddy said. And he was suddenly so tired. “I promise I will try.”

“I know you don’t see yourself as the beautiful, intelligent, and amazing person that I do, and we’re going to work on that.”

“We are?” Rowan said breathlessly and Daddy nodded, answering him with a long, slow kiss.

“Yes, and I’m going to expect you to keep your promise.” He brushed a kiss on Rowan's nose. "And don’t forget you will get punished if you don't."

Rowan could have napped forever, but they had an appointment at two thirty, so when Daddy woke Rowan and got him ready, he didn’t have much time to fret. He didn’t know what it would be like, though. What if he said something stupid?

Daddy chuckled. “Nothing you say is stupid.”

Rowan gazed at Daddy in exasperation. “It is, because I keep doing that. I think I’m saying something in my head, then you reply and unless you’ve suddenly started reading my mind—”

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