Page 36 of An Eye For Illusion

I’m not meant to be loved, I’m not meant to be a doting wife, and I certainly don’t need to tie myself to a lying son of a bitch like Moore.

“I need to go. I have a meeting. Talk later. I love you, Dad.” My voice is hoarse with emotion, and my throat is tight with fear.

“I love you, honey,” he says before I end the call.

I turn and drop my phone on my desk as I walk toward my door. I need some air and alone time.

“Do you think I’m lovable?” I ask when Bridgette answers.

She’s quiet for a moment before she answers. “What would ever make you ask me that?” It was loud when she first answered, but I can’t hear any background noise now.

Instead of answering that question, I ask another. “Are you busy?”

“I’m never too busy for you, and I’m not letting you off the hook that easy. Answer the question, Foster.” A door clicks on the other end, and I assume she’s somewhere more private.

I sigh. I don’t know how to answer that question. A million different things make me feel that way, but I also think I have no reason at all to feel the way I do.

I’m a little screwed up.

“I don’t know, but can you answer the question?” I say out of frustration with myself. I hate feeling this insecure. I hate feeling out of control. Those are the two feelings causing me chaos right now.

“You are so loveable it’s disgusting. You make Winnie the Pooh look hideous and scary in comparison.”

Her description makes me laugh because I’m so caught off guard. “I’m being serious, Bridge.”

“So am I.”

I snort. She’s so full of it she’s stinking up the line. “No one in a million years would believe I was more loveable than Winnie the Pooh. Come on, now.”

“I said what I said, and I stand by it. Now, you tell me why you don’t believe it. I know you have some trust and abandonment issues from your mom, but this is out of left field, girl.”

“Mom didn’t abandon us; she died.”

She huffs like she can’t believe we’re having this conversation. “I know she didn’t leave you on purpose, Jade, but the effects are still the same. You grew up without a mother and had a grieving father as the only person to raise you. That’s enough to make anyone a little jaded.”

I toe the green grass at my feet, running over the wet dew with my shoe. I turn, and my heels hit the concrete with loud clacks as I make my way to the bench off the main pathway in the park. It’s quiet aside from the birds chirping. I sit as Bridge quietly waits for me to respond.

“I don’t want their kind of love but not because I’m not loveable. It’s because I choose not to.”

“I know you say that, but I don’t think you mean it.”

“Of course, I do.” I scoff. She knows I don’t say things I don’t mean, and I would never say this lightly.

She chuckles. “I know you think you do, but if you truly did, you wouldn’t have made this deal with Elliott.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask in disbelief, gulping when her words slowly sink in.

“You are one of the most loyal, loving, kind, caring, and smart individuals I know, and I’m proud to call you my best friend. One day, you’ll trust yourself enough to let the real you out into the world. Until then, I’ll be in your corner, telling you how freaking awesome you are.”

Her words bring tears to my eyes. I look up to see the sunlight hinting through the canopy of trees as I blink the tears away.

“Elliott is a byproduct of you not believing your worth or being ready for love. You thought you could protect yourself from all the vulnerability that comes with opening yourself up like that to another person.”

I don’t know what I would do without her because her words help settle that misplaced piece in my chest. The swirling anxiety I felt earlier has dulled to mild unease.

“Maybe you’re right,” I simply say.

“Of course, I am. It’s what I do. I’ll see you at your house tomorrow night with wine, and we can dissect why you have a crush on your PI.”

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