Page 41 of An Eye For Illusion

“Oh, honey. We both know you aren’t a terrible boss, but I think sometimes your demeanor comes off the wrong way.” She pauses, possibly collecting her thoughts, but I have to assume it’s mostly like to soften the oncoming blow.

She and I don’t sugarcoat the truth, and we don’t hide our honest thoughts from each other. She’s the only person in my life I don’t hide from. I can trust her with my deepest, darkest secrets, and she feels the same way about me.

That doesn’t mean this next part won’t stink like hell, though.

“I think you could do better at being softer and more approachable at work. I think Heather doesn’t know you and even fears you. That’s worked for you until this point, but I think you could do better at showing people you aren’t a workaholic machine that doesn’t have compassion.”

Damn. How is it fair that Colin fucking Brooks was the asshole in this scenario, but I’m the one taking the lashing?

“I’m saying this because I love you. Not because I’m trying to hurt you. Colin was a dick to do what he did, and I’m not arguing against that. However, maybe there’s a grain of truth to it?”

I say nothing for several moments as I swirl her words around in my mind only to find I don’t disagree with what she said. Hell, I’ve even had those thoughts myself just yesterday before the whole flower drama.

The problem is, I don’t know how to fix it. This is who I am, at least in part. It’s the persona I created over the years while having to crawl my way up the corporate ladder and earn the respect of my peers, most of which who are male.

What really bothers me is that if I were a man, this wouldn’t even be a conversation. It’s expected that men in my position are hard-asses and, for a lack of a better word, rude. They don’t get to where they are because they were compassionate.

No, they fucking got there because they turned that part of themselves off and did what needed to be done. While I don’t think it’s right, I know that’s the world we live in, and I did what I needed to do to survive it.

And it seems I lost a piece of myself along the way.

“Have I really been that bad?” I ask out of legitimate fear that I’m beyond redemption. I may be able to explain why I’m the way I am, but that doesn’t make it right and doesn’t mean people like Heather will forgive me.

Bridge shifts to fully face me. “Absolutely not! You may be hard and demanding, but you’re also fair. You pay very well, your vacation time is to die for, and the benefits far exceed what’s the norm. I would kill to have those perks.” She smiles, before continuing. “It also makes dealing with you much more bearable.”

She winks as I chuckle. Those things are true, but I’m also tired of people tiptoeing around me. What Colin said was a slap in the face and a big dose of reality. I don’t excuse what he did because it was a major dick move, but now that I’ve calmed down, I can see why he did it.

He felt sorry for Heather and wanted to make a jab at me. Making a jab at me is one thing, but I don’t ever want someone to walk into my office again and get the impression that my employees are miserable because of me.

“How do I fix it?” I ask before taking another gulp of wine.

I see there’s a problem, but I have no freaking clue how to fix it. Bridge is the bubbly, kind, and funny one out of the two of us. If anyone can help me it’s her. She’s never steered me wrong before.

She takes a deep breath, understanding as usual of how big of a deal this is for me. She knows how much I hate to let people in. Losing your mother young and watching your father lose himself to grief will do that to a person. I’ve been closed off to protect myself, but I’m finally realizing that I can’t do it anymore.

Well, at least, to the extent that I do.

“Start small. Ask her how her day has been. Maybe ask about her life. Does she have pets? Or kids? What are her hobbies? Slowly build that trust. I guarantee that if she gets to know the real you, she’ll always be in your corner.”

I huff. Nothing is ever that simple. She makes it sound like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “I’m not that likable, you know. I think you’re pretty biased because I’m your best friend and all.”

Her smile is soft. “I might be, but what’s the harm in letting a few more people see just how awesome you really are?”

I worry I won’t know how. Bridgette is my best friend, but she’s also family. There’s a built-in relationship, one I haven’t had to work at since we’ve known each other our entire lives.

She reaches over to take my hand, squeezing it tight. “Trust me, girl, you can do this.”

I squeeze hers in return. I’m worried I can’t, and the realization hurts more than the fact that everyone hates me, but I have to try. I want to prove to myself that I can.

Chapter 15

Colin

“What’s with you, man? You’re a million miles away. If you aren’t cut out for this, say that.” Donovan makes zero effort to hide his frustration.

My mind has been fucked up since I upset Jade a couple of days ago. I didn’t expect her to have such a visceral reaction to what I meant as a joke. I sent the flowers to Heather because I put her in a shitty spot with her boss. If Jade treats her employees anything like she treats me, I can’t imagine she’s a breeze to work for. However, I didn’t mean what I said to be taken to heart.

“I told you I’ve got it.” I’m aggravated that he doubts me. I may not have the sketchy background he has, but that doesn’t mean I’m a pussy.

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