Page 4 of Save Us

I’m not sure if Oliver had arranged it on purpose, or if he is just oblivious as to why today would mean something to me, but we are scheduled to attend a doctor’s appointment to check his fertility. After three years of him endlessly trying to produce an heir with me, we are still childless. I can only surmise that because I had successfully conceived Rosalie, his initial fear is that he is the one with the problem. Of course, what he doesn’t know, is that I’ve been continuing to take the contraceptive pill, using a secret supply that is consistently topped up by Pru.

Having a child with him, with anyone, is the very last thing I want to do. It would feel like a betrayal, one I couldn’t bear to handle. It would not only destroy me but also shatter any love I would feel towards a potential baby. I’ve given up everything for Oliver, but my womb, my soul, and my sanity, will be the last things I let him take from me.

He’ll find out one day, it’s only a matter of time. I’ll be punished and no doubt forced into getting pregnant by any means possible. After all, it is now my purpose in life, to let him use me for whatever he needs, whatever he wants. Being his wife means delivering a baby to him. But that day isn’t now. This way of thinking is how I’ve learned to live over the years, just one day at a time. I stopped looking forward to the future, as well as feeling excited or hopeful about anything, so why think about what will be.

To begin with, I had hoped Oliver would lose interest in me, but if anything, his obsession has only grown in strength over our years together. As far as I know, he is loyal to me, but I pay the price for it. My body is marred and tainted by not only his sexual touch, but also his violent one too. There are countless times I should have been admitted to the hospital with broken bones, scarred tissue, and so many concussions, I’ve lost count. But I never am. Instead, a private physician visits, and given that my husband was made president of Mayfield, no one dares to say anything against him. Even if it is to warn him that the next time he loses his temper, his wife might not survive it. Not that I’d mind, it would be an easy way out.

As for my mental state of mind, it’s more than obvious that it hit rock bottom several years ago, when I gave up hope of ever being able to see my daughter or Xander again. This house is always dark, always devouring any ray of hope I have for anything, and it’s finally beaten me. Eaten me up and kept me lost within its walls, which are decorated with swirling floral patterns that mock me with their creepy vines, as if inviting me further into the rabbit hole that is my fractured state of mind.

As my thoughts begin to sink lower into the depths of depression, I suddenly feel warm hands slipping around my waist, and a muscular body pressing up against my back, his lips grazing along my shoulder. I close my eyes to it, hoping that this is just another bad dream I haven’t yet woken from, even though, deep down, I know this is just another day when it has to start all over again.

His breathing becomes heavy against my skin, the heat of it making me feel dizzy with nausea that swirls deep within my gut. His right hand slips down to my core and I instinctively jut away. A single tear slips down my cheek when he instantly pulls me back with aggression, back toward his waiting hand. He tuts at me before delivering open-mouthed kisses to my neck and shoulder.

“Don’t pull away from me, Beth, you know better than to test my patience!” he whispers in a voice that betrays how angry I’ve made him through my rejection.

“I’m sorry,” I sigh in barely more than a whisper, and remain still. I freeze in utter sadness, even when he begins sliding his fingers along my sex, which remains dry and burning under the uncomfortable friction of his touch. “It’s her birthday.”

The moment I make a reference to Rosalie, his hand freezes and I wonder if he’s going to do something painful, just as he did the last time I hinted at her existence.

“Come to bed and we can try and make you another child, one that you can keep,” he grins against my cheek, cementing the fact that he is so unhinged, I can never truly guess at how he is going to react to the same situation. “Feel that?” He presses his hard length unashamedly into my back. “You still get me like this, Beth, every time. You don’t even need to look at me and I want you!”

“Please…” I whimper as more tears begin to sting at the backs of my eyes.

“I fuck you in the bed, or I fuck you against this window for all the neighbors to see. Either way, you will submit to me, Beth,” he threatens as he begins his hand movements again and I wince with pain. “My Beth!”

Xander

Slap, slap, slap.

Skin on skin.

Wet on wet.

Pant against pant.

The nameless blonde beneath me moans into the pillow, clenching it with white knuckle force as I pummel into her from behind. She’s getting close; I can feel it, hear it, yet I’m nowhere near. I never come before she arrives to takes the place of whatever woman I have with me. A woman who is always merely a physical stand-in for the girl I really want to be having sex with. Sometimes she’s with me straight away, smiling and giggling when she sees the relief on my face. Other times, she takes her time, and I playfully tsk at her for making me wait. Whichever it is, she always comes…eventually.

Tonight, this morning, whatever the hell time it is, I must have had one too many tequilas, because she’s especially taking her sweet ass time to get here.

“Oh God,” the woman laughs beneath me, “you’ll have to give me your number because you are one shit hot hookup, Xander Fenton!”

I shake off her voice as it only interferes with what I’m really here for, then momentarily wonder how the fuck she knows my full name. I only know her as blonde girl, stand-in girl, or easy girl from the beach. Before I say something that’s going to screw this up and have her leave before I get to where I need to be, I growl in response, for I’m unable to commit to anything else. After years of torment, I now have a long list of nameless women who I’ve ended up sleeping with at the end of the night.

Once I see her, we end, and I make no other contact with them, save one, Celia of all people. She gets it though; we hook up and then we walk away from one another. She doesn’t see me as God’s gift anymore, but I am a good scratch to her itch, and she’s an understanding stand-in for her. As for the others, they know I’m only good for one thing. If they were truly looking for something more, they wouldn’t choose a guy who looks like he’s only half-living. I don’t even have it in me to be even remotely charming anymore; that talent died when Beth did.

“Doing me from behind again? I could get offended you know!”

Ahhh, there she is, finally!

My eyes shoot back down to the body beneath me to see her looking over her shoulder. The sight of which causes me to up the ante because I can’t help myself now that she’s here.

“I’d have fucked you anyway you wanted me to if you had stuck around,” I half tease, half berate her. She merely wiggles her bottom mischievously before biting her bottom lip at me.

“So mean!” she purrs. “I kind of like it, though.”

“I bet you do! Pity we didn’t get a chance to explore our more adventurous side when it came to sex.” I grin just as cheekily as her.

“Hmmm, but you’re still gonna come any second now,” she pants as I begin to feel a tingling in my balls, telling me I’m about to explode all over her. “Now that I’m finally here.”

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