Page 39 of Resisting You

He waited with his heart beating in his throat as Oz affixed them to his head, then the moments it took for them to go online. Oz winced and squeezed his eyes shut for a beat, then sighed loudly and cleared his throat.

“I don’t like speaking when I can’t hear it.”

Frey already knew this, but he nodded anyway.

Oz took another breath like he was all nerves, and Frey hated that because they’d been friends, and the idea of his friends being nervous around him crushed him. “None of the hospital was your fault. I understand the protocol, and I’ve known most of my life that hearing people don’t get it. They’re not patient. Those nurses decided to make a call without talking to me first.”

Frey felt a fresh wave of upset. “I hate that they did it.”

“They did what they thought was best, and the cops need better training, but I’ve seen worse,” Oz said. “I was terrified, and I’m tired all over again. I hate when this happens because it feels like it proves my parents right.”

Frey’s brows furrowed. “What?”

Oz rolled his eyes. He didn’t talk about his family much. In fact, Frey was pretty sure Oz only talked about them if he was backed into a corner. Like now, it seemed. “I got my implants when I was a baby and then upgrades whenever new tech came out. During our first meeting, I told you I didn’t learn ASL until college. That I was new to the Deaf community, which was why I have firsthand experience working with people like Rex who don’t have the family exposure.”

Frey nodded, trying not to feel a sting because it wasn’t his fault he was hearing, just like it wasn’t Rex’s fault he was deaf. “Yeah, I remember. I guess I didn’t think about it.”

Oz looked a little sad, and Frey realized that was probably part of the issue. “They were pissed off when I decided to stop voicing in my daily life. They were furious when I brought a Deaf guy home to meet them one Thanksgiving. They won’t learn sign—not even the basics. And the worst part about it is that they do all that and they love me. They spent my whole life telling me that I had to fit in because if I didn’t—if I let myself be Deaf, life would be harder for me. That bad things would happen.”

“And then something bad happened,” Frey said quietly.

Oz tapped him. ‘Repeat,’ he signed.

Frey did.

Oz shrugged. “Like I said, this wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened to me. The first time I got pulled over, I got yanked out of the car at gunpoint because the cop thought I was throwing gang signs.”

Frey’s mouth dropped open.

Oz laughed softly and shook his head. “Yeah. I literally pissed my pants a little. And I think I knew then what my parents meant, but I also knew then that it was worth it to live as myself. Just like being gay, and I know you get that.”

Frey did. He generally surrounded himself with people who were either like him or supported him, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been subjected to the worst of humanity from time to time. Before Rex had come along, he and Jace had been threatened, laughed at, spit on…the list went on and on.

But he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Sometimes it’s just a hard pill to swallow, especially as I’m getting older and realizing that no matter how hard I work—how hard people like me work—it’s not going to change. Not in the grand scheme of things.”

“That’s sort of nihilist,” Frey said.

“Spell that,” Oz asked, and when Frey did, he laughed. “Yeah, I guess it is. Except I try to be a good person in spite of knowing that it’s a losing battle.”

That wasn’t a lie. Oz was the kindest person Frey knew.

“I’m just sorry it happened somewhere you were supposed to be safe,” he finally said.

Oz pulled a face. “There’s nowhere I’m supposed to be safe. That’s a lesson I learned pretty quick. But I appreciated your help. And your doctor friend.”

Frey winced and glanced away, but it wasn’t fast enough because Oz caught his expression and grabbed his chin, pulling his gaze back. “Please don’t ask.”

Oz lowered his hand. “Do you need to talk to someone about it?”

Frey did. And he didn’t. He blew out a puff of air. “I think my reputation got the better of me, is all.”

Oz looked furious. “You’re allowed to enjoy sex, Frey. You’re allowed to?—”

“I know that. But before him, I hadn’t had sex since Jace!” he blurted, then froze. Fuck. Fuck. He hadn’t meant to, but God, it had been building up, and now he was ready to crack. His chest got tight, and he scrubbed both hands down his face. It was too late to take it back, and he could feel the weight of Oz’s gaze on him.

“What do you mean?” Oz asked quietly.

---