“You think I shouldn’t go?”
“What do you think?”
I hated the questions with the heat of a thousand suns.
“I think I need a safer world for Annie.” I lifted my gaze to meet his. “No, I know I need a safer world for her, one without Amos in it.”
He had to be used to sitting opposite people like me because he didn’t even flinch. “And then?”
“Then, I’ll come back.”
Chapter Nineteen
RYDER
Not sure what else to do, I headed back to Swim Central and found Ethan. “Can we talk, Cap?”
Ethan picked up his coffee and led me into a room that smelled of disuse. “Used to be the changing area, going to rip out the plumbing and turn it into an equipment locker.”
I noticed hooks on the wall, low benches, the showers in the corner, but could already imagine it being a hub for Shadow Team.
“Did you talk to August?” Ethan sat on one of the benches. “I get the concerns about the guy.”
I took a moment before I answered. “It’s hard for him to see the bigger picture when he’s focused on revenge, but I also believe he’s more determined than ever to make things right.”
Ethan’s expression was somber. “I’ve seen too many good people turn into loose cannons out there, Ryder. Too many lives lost because someone couldn’t control their anger or pain.”
I understood the truth in Ethan’s words. “I get it. I’ve seen it too. But there’s something about August. He wants to protect Annie, to ensure she never has to go through what she did again. And he wants closure for himself. He’s not doing anything that we wouldn’t do.”
Ethan sighed; his gaze distant as he considered my words. Finally, he spoke, his voice filled with a weary kind of wisdom. “I get he’s trying to survive, and protect what matters to him, and we know that these gray situations often arise in complex, real-world scenarios where there are no simple or straightforward answers…”
“You sound like you swallowed an encyclopedia.”
Ethan dipped his chin. “Research.”
“There’s no black-and-white here. Amos is responsible for the hit, and maybe, that is what set him on this journey, but now…”
“He’s seen a lot. But sending him out into the field without some kind of psych clearance could put the rest of us in danger.” An understanding passed between us, born from years of experience and the weight of our shared past. In a world where the boundaries between right and wrong blurred, we knew that, sometimes, all we could do was hold on to our humanity and hope to make a difference in the lives of those we cared about.
“Then, we ask for volunteers. I’ll go. Just August and me if it comes to it.”
Ethan snorted a laugh. “So, I go to my team of heroic idiots and suggest they choose whether to run headlong into danger? Any guesses how many will say they’ll do it? All of them.” I couldn’t argue with that. “Including me. But I have a new responsibility to the team, to the new guys, to you and Luca, and to myself.”
“Then, don’t offer it to anyone else—August and I will go in with a two-man op?—”
“That’s not how this new team works.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I knew that I would have August’s back for whatever it took to get to Amos—I’d seen the way he’d stared when he’d shut that damn door on us. I owed him a takedown.
“One question,” Ethan murmured.
“Sure.”
“You’ve gotten close to August,” he began.
I met his gaze head-on. He’d seen the kiss and had to know that something had happened. After all, he’d hooked up with Josh after a skin job had gone wrong and look at them now. Passions flared in intense situations.
“As close as he’ll let me, which isn’t that close.”