Page 34 of Hidden Truths

After feeding Vinnie some baby food I just got him from the store the other day, I get him changed and ready for bed. No, it’s not time to put him to bed yet, but I want to make sure he’s warm. When I was out shopping the other day, I should’ve bought a heater for our room. I guess I wasn’t planning on returning here so soon and that’s why I didn’t do it. Instead, I’ll keep him in warm clothes and make sure Vinnie’s got his new blanket to cover him when I do put him in the crib for the night. It’s thick and warm. He sweats over at Mrs. Andrews’ house when I cover him with it. So, I’m hoping that tonight it will keep him warm and he won’t get sick. It’s something I always worry about when I’m in this house. For the first time, it wasn’t something I worried about when we were at Mrs. Andrews. She keeps her house warm and it actually stays warm.

In a little bit, I’ll give Vinnie his bottle and put him down for bed. Right now, he’s content playing with his toys as I watch him out of the corner of my eye while I pull the planners into my lap so I can go through them and make sure I’m not overlapping on anything. Sal has given me a few more hours at the pizzeria so I have to make sure tutoring doesn’t get in the way of the hours I’ve been given now. Mrs. Andrews knows and is ready to watch Vinnie when I need her to. She’s amazing in how often she’ll take him for me so he’s not left alone with our mother. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if Mrs. Andrews wasn’t our neighbor and willing to help me as much as she does.

I’ve got tutoring this week with Danny two times. He’ll meet with me in the library for an hour each time. When we’re done with his math homework, I’m going to go over the papers he’s written for a few other classes. He’s nervous about turning them in as he wrote them and I want to make sure he’s confident in all of his classes. If he asks me to help him with something else, I don’t have a problem in doing so. Since Brock and him are the only ones I’m currently tutoring, there’s no reason I can’t help him do something else for his other classes. Danny pays me for every hour I spend helping him and I want to make sure he feels as if he’s getting his money’s worth for the help I’m giving him.

Brock is also having me help him go over his papers. I’ve been helping him with English since the beginning and he’s thriving in both classes. Brock wants to remain on the football team and there’s no way I’m going to let him fail for any reason. He’s a good player based on what he’s told me so far. I can see the way his face lights up when he talks about the team and their games. The happiest times for Brock are when he’s on the field with the rest of the guys and bashing other guys in because that’s who he is. Football is in Brock’s blood and he loves it. I’m happy to help him stay on the team if he needs it for every year we’re here. Brock isn’t sure if he wants to play football professionally, but if that’s his endgame, I want to make sure he gets there.

I pull out the phone I got and see no notifications from anyone. Not that I was really expecting anyone to call or message me. Having a phone is so new to me that I usually forget to take it out of my bag to check for any calls or messages I’ve missed. That’s something I’ll have to take care of and do better with considering everything going on. Brock has messaged and called me several times and I haven’t answered him a single time. I’ll have to keep the phone with me over the next few days. Especially because I know he’s got a game coming up. I’m just not sure if this one is an away or home game. If it’s an away game, then I won’t have him for tutoring the last half of the week. They always leave on Thursday for away games and don’t return until Sunday sometime.

Since I don’t have anyone to message or call, I log into my bank account. The manager helped me set it up when I went in to sign all the papers there. All of the money has been deposited into both of my accounts. Yes, I have two of them. One is a savings account while the other one is a regular checking account. I’ve been using it to pay the bills for the house because it was always a matter of time when I brought Vinnie back here. Everything might be in my mother’s name, but I’ve always been the one to pay them. As long as I write the account numbers on the check, no one has a problem with me paying them because they’re getting paid and that’s all these companies care about at the end of the day.

I highlight the hours I have for tutoring Brock and Danny in my tutoring planner before marking them off in my other planner where I put my work hours and class schedule. I learned early on that it makes everything easier in my life if I’m completely organized and have my life mapped out so there’s no surprises. Everything with Kash is the shit I don’t like. I have no clue what’s going on there and what he expects of me despite us talking about things. I guess we’ll have to have another conversation at some point in time, but a large part of me doesn’t want to have to spend time with him. Not that I’ll get a choice in the matter soon though. Kash and I will be living together after we’re married. No better time than to have a conversation than that I guess. It means we won’t have to meet at school and have Marianna find out that I talked to him.

After getting everything taken care of, I make sure everything is put back in my bag and ready to go for tomorrow’s classes. My planners are the last to go in my bag because I want to make sure they’re there in case things change. Once I double check my bag, I get Vinnie ready for bed once again. I change him and get his bottle ready for him. Climbing up in my bed, I hold my brother close to me and feed him before covering him with his new blanket and putting him down in the crib for bed. Vinnie doesn’t take long to go to sleep as usual. As long as his little belly is full, he goes to sleep quicker than any baby I’ve ever heard about. He’s such a good baby.

My mother is still passed the fuck out from the drugs coursing through her body. It means we’re safe for the night and I don’t have to worry about some guy coming in during the middle of the night. She’s in no shape to go out and find her next fuck so I can go to sleep knowing that the three of us will be the only ones in the house. The only thing I have to worry about right this second is making sure my mother doesn’t ever find out I have money and how much is in either one of my accounts. Thankfully, the bank understands my need to have this a secret so I’ve used Mrs. Andrews’ address for any bank communications to go to. I don’t want to get my hopes up about things going good and remaining that way for the near future. However, for now I’m going to make sure that I let the good shit keep rolling over me because I never know when it’s going to get yanked away again.

Friend and Enemy

Arabella

MARIA GOT A hold of me to go shopping again today. She has to get a few things for her daughter and asked if I wanted to go with her because she hates shopping alone. There’s times Kash goes with her because he’s very involved in his niece’s life. However, he’s busy today with training and other things. I wasn’t really expecting her call and to ask me to go with her. I’m glad she did though. It’s kind of nice to be able to talk to someone outside of the university considering I only talk to Brock when I’m there. He’s my best friend and I won’t make him feel as if he’s not an important person in my life. However, it’s time for me to start adding new friends to my circle and if Maria wants to be part of my life, then I’m happy to have her there. It’s just going to be a matter of getting out of my comfort zone and letting her into my life. I just don’t know if that’s something I can do because I’ve spent so long keeping everything to myself and not letting anyone in. Even Mrs. Andrews doesn’t know that much about my life and she’s the closest person to me.

After getting Vinnie ready to go, I remember one important thing. I don’t have a car seat to put him in. I’m not even sure what type of seat to get him. Maybe Maria knows what to get him. Sending her a message, I tell her my dilemma and hope she can help me out. She lets me know Kash already bought a car seat for Vinnie and had it installed in her car because she asked him if she should ask me to go with her today. I’m honestly stunned speechless because I didn’t think Kash would do something like that. I’ll have to thank him and make sure he knows I’ll give him the money back for the car seat. Hopefully he doesn’t make a big deal about this and will accept the money back. I don’t want to owe anyone a damn thing because that’s something people can hold over your head. I’m sure Kash has more than enough to hold over me and I don’t want to add anything to it.

Double checking that I have the diaper bag stocked with everything he’ll need for the small amount of time I’ll be gone before work, I make my way through the house. My mother didn’t even realize we were here before she left to go in search of her next man. I don’t think we’ll be staying here again after today. So, I also grab my bookbag and anything else I think we’ll need. The last thing I check for is my bank card and the starter checks I got when I opened my account. I keep them together at all times so I don’t forget one and leave it behind at the house. If my mother were to find anything like that, she’d forge my name and get as much money as she could to spend on drugs and everything else she wanted. It’s the one thing I can count on when it comes to her.

So far, I’ve been able to keep the large sum of money I’ve gotten from my grandparents. I’m honestly surprised because she’s like a fucking dog when it comes to sniffing shit like that out. Maybe it’s because she has no clue that I have a bank account to begin with. I’m not sure how she thinks I pay the bills and shit, but for now, it’s working to my advantage and that’s all I care about.

Walking down the street with Vinnie in my arms, I keep an eye out for my mother. She’s more than likely on the opposite side of the poor section of High Point because that’s where all the drugs and men are. She keeps going there for days on end because that’s where she can get what she wants while forgetting about Vinnie and me. It’s not until she happens to show back up to the house that she remembers she has kids and then it’s only enough to make sure I’ve cleaned the house, paid the bills, and stay out of the way so she can get high, drink, and fuck her man of the second.

When I make it to the corner, I see Maria sitting in her car with the windows down. Music is playing as she looks in the backseat. We agreed to bring the kids with us today so they could hang out with one another. This is the first time I’ve taken Vinnie out with me and it’s kind of nerve wracking because he’s not my child and the more people that see me with him mean the more ammunition Karmen and the other girls have to use against me. They’ve already put up a picture of him and told everyone at school that he’s my son. Again, I’m not ashamed for anyone to believe Vinnie’s my son. It’s the fact that Karmen and her little clit gang believes it’s okay for them to use him against me. That makes them the fucking lowest of the low in my book. Fuck them and the world they live in!

“Arabella, it’s so good to see you!” Maria greets me, her voice full of happiness as I open the back passenger side door and get Vinnie into the car seat.

“You too. Thank you again for calling me to invite me to go shopping with you. I can’t get a lot for reasons, but there’s things Vinnie needs that I’ll be able to get for him today. Hopefully I can hide them,” I say, adding a little tidbit in there about my mother not knowing about the money that I hope Maria picks up on.

The longer I keep all the secrets building up inside me, the worse I feel. For the first time in my life, I want to lay this burden at someone else’s feet. To not feel horrible on a daily basis and not let anyone know what’s going on in my life. For some reason I feel as if Maria is someone better to talk to about than Brock. Brock has an anger issue sometimes and he isn’t ready to hear what my life is truly like. I have a feeling he’d take out everyone who hurt me or even remotely tried to hurt me in any way. Including the guys because they’ve hurt me more than a few times over the years since they just completely disappeared from my life without a word and let everyone bully me because they couldn’t be bothered to step up for someone they used to consider a friend.

As soon as I have Vinnie buckled in his new car seat, I get in the passenger side and buckle my seatbelt so we can head to the store of Maria’s choosing. I’m not sure where we’re going, but it’s good to get out of the house and not be at work or school. Yes, I’ll be at work later on. For now, it’s one of the few times I’ve left the house simply because I wanted to and it wasn’t for a specific reason. I mean, shopping is a reason, but there’s nothing to say I’m going to buy specific things because I won’t know what I want to buy besides diapers and wipes until I’m at the store and have things in front of me. I want my baby brother to have some cute clothes he wouldn’t have any other way. So, I let the peace and freedom wash over me as Maria makes her way to the middle class section of town. There’s an outlet mall of sorts and I smile when she pulls in there. I’ve never been here as it’s only a few years old. She parks in the middle of the storefronts and we get out of the car to gather the kids and anything else we need to shop here today.

***

“Can I ask you a question?” Maria asks when we’re in the third store of the day.

“Yeah. I might answer. It’s just hard because I’ve never had anyone to let in my life before,” I tell her honestly as we make our way through the store and look at the baby clothes pulling out things to inspect them better.

“Is everything okay at home? I mean, you don’t want your family to know about your money, you always seem to have your brother, and I’ve seen how you hold your body. I’m worried about you, Arabella,” Maria asks, giving me just a few examples of what she’s seen in the short time I’ve known her.

“Can I answer you without fearing that you’re gonna take my brother from me?” I question her as I turn to really look at her.

Words are empty and meaningless at the end of the day. The look on someone’s face and in their eyes is where the truth lies. Maria looks at me straight on when she answers so I can see the truth of her words.

“I won’t use anything you tell me against you, Arabella. If I feel it’s a situation I can help you out with, then we’ll sit down and talk about it. I won’t go behind your back and ambush you for any reason. I’m not on the clock right this second when it comes to you,” she informs me even though I know it’s her job to report abuse and shit to the proper authorities no matter what’s going on and who she’s trying to help. “I’m a mandatory reporter, but I’m not gonna make you lose your brother when I can clearly see how well he’s taken care of. He’s fed, clothed, and there’s no signs of abuse. I can’t say the same for you, Arabella. You’re over the age of eighteen though so I can’t do much to help you at all. If you had come to me when you were a minor, I would’ve fought for you until I had nothing left to give. Including making sure your brother stayed with you no matter where you were put.”

I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding at her answer. With a nod of my head, I decide to unleash some of my burdens on Maria.

“I don’t want my mom to know about the money because she’ll take it all from me. She’s an addict and alcoholic. There’s been a rotation of men through our house for as long as I can remember. For the most part, they leave me alone. However, some of them have hurt me. There’s been no sexual assault from them against me or Vinnie. I do what I can to ensure Vinnie is always taken care of. Since the last incident with my mother and one of her men, I’ve been staying with my neighbor. We went back to the house one night and I woke up to my mother being gone which means she’s out looking for a new man.

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