The conversation never dries up, and we spend the weekend searching for properties for them to possibly buy. I love catching up with the man I hero-worshipped. The years apart seem to drop away, and we’re back again to being best buddies. Lais is delightful, and they obviously love each other very much.
When we get back on Monday afternoon, I walk into the office building and fish my phone out of my pocket. It’s still switched to silent. When I got to the hotel, I needed a clear head to face my brother.
Shit, I’ve fucked up. I was so wrapped up in having my brother back I forgot about Lando. My hand shakes as I slide the button. Countless messages and missed calls pop up one after another. Fear and dread run through me at the angry messages from Ellis and the desperate ones from Lando. How can I have been such an arsehole?
He was so excited I was coming with him, and I let him down. Just like all the others have done in the past.
My phone buzzes on the table, showing my mother’s name for the tenth time in two days. She’s persistent; I’ll give her that. Eventually, curiosity got the better of me, and I opened the invitation that had been lying where she’d left it. But I’m sticking to my guns and am not going.
“Is that your mother?” Connor peers at my phone.
We’re in The King’s Head, surrounded by giggling on-the-way-to-hammered girls in expensive party dresses. I ignore his question. He’s already seen her name. “When did silly women take over gay bars? It’s not like they’re going to pull.”
“Don’t deflect. Is she still nagging you about the party?” He picks up his pint and takes a long drink.
“Yep, it’s three weeks away, and she’s calling five or six times a day. I’m not going to change my mind, though.” Connor isn’t looking at me anymore but stares over my shoulder. “Who’ve you seen?” I turn around. Fuck. Hesketh.
I swallow hard. He looks good. No scrap that. He looks amazing. His hair is a little longer than when I last saw him, and the light scruff of stubble on his jaw gives him an edgier look. He doesn’t see me. He’s talking to a tall blond guy who I’ve seen on Scottie’s birthday. I can’t remember his name. He’s laughing at something Hesketh says. His gaze lands on me. He narrows his eyes for a second, then looks away.
“Leave it, Conn. It’s fine.” It’s not fine, not by a long shot, but I’m okay. Of course Hesketh didn’t pay any attention to my order to leave me alone, and for the fortnight that followed, he called me constantly or sent messages. He even came to my house. But I stayed true to myself and didn’t answer him or read his messages, and I sure as shit didn’t open my door. Then it stopped. I haven’t seen him since. It will take me a long time to forget him. My heart still aches for him, and my bed is too big and too empty without him. But I owe it to myself to stay strong and away from him.
“You still miss him. I know you do. Maybe you should listen to what he has to say,” Connor says.
“Drop it. He made his choice.” My phone chimes again. This time I pick it up. “For fuck’s sake, Mother, I’m not coming. Stop calling me.”
“Orlando,” my father’s deep, gruff voice replies.
I lean back in my chair, not believing my ears. I haven’t heard from him for ten years. Strangely he doesn’t sound angry. “I’m not coming. I won’t be used as a prop in your pathetic attempt to show off a perfect family.”
“I don’t give a shit about that. Your mother was wrong to say that.”
“Then what do you want me there for? Because I’m damn sure you’ve had a party every Christmas for the last ten years. Did my invitations for those get lost in the post? Look, I don’t care. I’m not coming. Don’t call again.”
“I’m dying,” he says simply.
“And what, you’ve suddenly decided to make amends? I don’t think so.” I end the call and toss the phone onto the table with such force it slides across. Connor stops it from falling to the floor. “Fuck.”
“That didn’t sound good.”
“Nope, it was my dad.”
Connor doesn’t say anything. He’s too familiar with dysfunctional family relationships. His family was pretty brutal when he came out. His father and his brothers gave him a good kicking before they tossed him out onto the street. “What did he want? It can’t have been about the party.”
“Kind of. He said he’s dying.” I pick up my beer and finish it. “I’m gonna head home.”
Connor stands up. “You want me to come too?”
“No, stay. You wanted some fun tonight. Go grab it.” I give him a hug and take my phone back from him. “I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
I weave through the crowd, dodging groping hands. “Hey, cutie. Where are you going in such a hurry? Let me buy you a drink.”
An extremely good-looking man blocks my path, but I know the type. The kind who wants to bend me over his bed but not invite me to sleep in it. “No, thanks.”
I try to sidle past him, but he sidesteps. “Hey, hey, not so fast, sweetheart. It’s just a drink. C’mon, it’ll be fun.”
I ignore him and push past him straight into another body. “For fuck’s sake.” I shove him away and try to get through. When he doesn’t move, I look up. Fuck my life. It’s Hesketh. “Excuse me.” My voice cracks. I’m so done with tonight and the shit show it’s become.
“Lando?” His eyes light up, then dim just as quickly.