Page 75 of Full Throttle

“You never called. You never reached out. You forgot about me,” I spat. “Now, we’re tied up in some shit, and you think you can just start a fucking conversation about the past like its nothing?”

“It isn’t nothing, Cain.”

My finger hovered over the trigger. “I was just a fucking kid.”

That snapped something in him. His composure dissipated before my eyes, and I saw a glimpse of the broken kid underneath as he shot back, “So was I!”

“We could’ve gotten out of there—together, you and I,” I pushed. “We could’ve made it. We—”

“—you wouldn’t have come with me,” he said, laughing as he shook his head. “Fuck, I thought about it.”

My mouth snapped shut as shock rained down over me, chills shooting through my body.

Xander ran his hands through his hair before throwing his arms out, a harsh laugh leaving him. “I thought about it for weeks. I thought about the consequences—it was kidnapping for fuck’s sake. Our mother would’ve called the fucking cops, Cain.”

I shook my head. “No, she wouldn’t have.”

His arms fell as he shot me a glare. “You and I were her fucking paychecks, Cain. Without her monthly check from the state, she wouldn’t have had that house, her booze, or the shitty food we survived on.” He sighed, facing the car next to me, bracing his forearms on top of it before hanging his head in defeat. “Fuck,” he huffed, laughing.

Nothing about this was funny.

My arm fell, the gun hanging at my side.

“I tried to think of ways to get us both to Cali without shit going sideways, because she would've come after us. I planned out everything. I’d get a part-time job, working the nightshift some place while you slept. Then, during the day, you’d go to high school, and I’d take online classes at some fucking community college.” His head lifted, his neck twisting so he could look at me, his dark eyes brimming with regret. “I gave up football for you, Cain.”

I blinked. “What?”

“Senior year, I had scouts watching me like a fucking hawk. They wanted me—all of them. My coach told me that I’d get recruited with a full ride. He said I had it made—my life would never be the fucking same. Then, the season was over, and Christmas came.”

Dread swirled inside of me, eating at me.

It was a day I’d never forget, and one I’d do anything to forget.

Christmas was never good in our home—hell, it was just a regular day for us.

That year wasn’t a regular day.

That Christmas was hell.

“She threatened to kill you in your sleep,” he said, his voice raw.

I looked away from him, trying to stop the flashbacks from coming.

Mom had woken up that day wanting more whiskey and cigs. The problem was, it was the end of the month, and she was out of money. She’d gotten it into her head that I'd stolen it from her. She’d dug her nails into my arm, hissing all the usual things. When she released me, she went into the kitchen and came back with rat poison, telling me she was going to put it in my food. That threat didn’t work on me. I didn’t eat the food in the kitchen. Back then, I ate Nik’s food—every fucking night. Most days, if I didn’t steal something from school, Nik’s leftovers were my only meal.

“She told me she was going to slice your fucking neck open in the middle of the night,” Xander said, bending his head again. “I knew I couldn’t leave you then.”

“But you did,” I said.

“Months went by. I was planning and researching, Cain.” He looked at me then. “I tried to do the right thing.”

I shoved him away from the car in a wave a fury. “You didn’t do shit!”

He caught himself, rising to his full height, raising a finger in my face. “You would’ve never fucking left that girl!” he roared, getting in my face. This was the Xander I remembered. The fucking hot head. “At least you had her! You had Dominique!”

I blinked.

He was fuming now. “You would’ve never left her,” he repeated, stepping away.

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