Page 92 of Yours, Unexpectedly

Friday 11:11 PM

Anders

Wishing for you.

I look at my phone again before Riz takes it from me. “Hey! Give that back!”

“Well, are you going to finally respond to him?” she asks.

I hesitate because I want to, but I don’t know what I would say. I’m rotating through feelings of giving in and texting him back because I miss him so deeply, but also knowing that I refuse to be the cause of him losing everything he’s worked for. I need to find a solution, I just don’t know what that is yet, and I can't go back to him until I’ve figured it out. My shoulders slump under the weight of this decision.

“That’s what I thought,” Riz responds.

We’re having an emergency Margarita Friday, though I’m not drinking much because I have to wake up early and head into the city for my second interview with SchoolsFirst. It’s a two day process, helping out with a few of their weekend events and then another formal interview with the board. I was surprised to get a call from Claudette on Wednesday asking me to come back in—I would have bet money on Erik Olsson finding a way to ruin this opportunity for me after what happened on Saturday night.

There’s a quiet knock at the door and then Jules lets himself into the apartment. “I brought provisions,” he says, his eyebrows rising as he takes in the kitchen and living room, both scattered with various snacks and drinks. “But it looks like you guys are doing just fine in that department.”

“Hi, JuJu.” I give him a pitiful wave. “What are you doing here?”

“I just thought I’d come check on you.” He plops down on the couch next to me, scrubbing his hand over the top of my head before I can reach up and bat him away.

“I’m fine,” I reply, sounding unconvincing even to my own ears.

“Mhmm…” he hums. “Are you going to fill me in on what happened?”

“She hasn’t told us, either,” Luci chimes in.

No, I haven’t told anyone except Anders, and I’m not really sure why. All of this feels deeply personal and even though these are the people I love the most, opening up to them seems like exposing too much. What if I misjudged and I am actually the one in the wrong here? What if I overreacted to the situation and I’m just being silly? But I know right now I’m a boiling pot of water and if I don’t tell them soon, I’m going to boil over.

Sighing, I lean back against the couch and close my eyes. I don’t want to see anyone’s face while I tell them this. “Anders’ dad made a move on me? I think? I’m still sort of fuzzy on what actually happened.”

“Holy shit,” Jules’ voice comes from beside me, his hand coming over the top of mine with a reassuring squeeze.

“Will you walk us through what you remember? If you want to,” Luci adds, her voice soothing in a way I didn’t know I needed.

“I was supposed to go see Anders before the show. I had a gift for him and we hadn't been together all day because of the interview so I just wanted to see him before this big, important thing he was about to do. When I got to the backstage door, Anders’ dad, Erik, was there arguing with Professor Callahan. I should have turned around then.” Everyone is silent, allowing me time to put my thoughts together.

“Once I got near him, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He said some things about how pretty I was and how he was in control of Anders’ career and inheritance. He kept getting closer and closer, finally catching my wrist and grabbing me around the waist. He said he had certain ‘tastes’ for women and apparently I fit the bill.” I’ve started crying by the time my eyes open to take in the look of alarm on everyone’s face.

“Growing up with three brothers came in handy, though.” I give Jules a sad smile. “I learned how easily you can take a man down if you know where to put your knee. After he let go, I ran. I had to get out of there—had to be far away from him… from everything.”

The silence that seeps in fills all the nooks and crannies until I feel like it might pull me under, that I might sink completely into my devastation.

“Say something,” I urge.

“That is so fucked up.” And at this moment, I appreciate Riz’s candor more than usual.

A tight breath leaves me. “Yes, it is.”

“I’m still a little confused on why you aren’t talking to Anders though…” Jules wonders, and I watch as a thought passes through his eyes. “Wait, how did Anders react when you told him? He took your side, right?”

“Oh God, of course! Anders hates his father. He was ready to call the police and file a report.” The relief comes off Jules in waves. “I just… I still have this unshakable feeling of not being worth it. Worth losing his family or his career.”

“From what I know, Anders lost his family a long time ago.” Jules lifts one shoulder in a shrug and says the next statement like it should be obvious. “And don’t you think you should let him make the decisions he needs to make about whether or not you’re ‘worth it’?” He adds air quotes for emphasis, letting me know he thinks the idea that I might not be worth it is so far off base.

“Listen,” Jules continues, his face coming down so he’s eye level with me. “I understand more than anyone what it can feel like to question your worth. You saw me fall into the shadows cast by the light of our golden brothers. But Anders… he loves you. He will choose you if you let him—but you have to be willing to let him. To take that risk.”

“I… I want that. I really do. I don’t know how to take the risk—I’ve taken so many lately, and I’m so tired.”

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