Page 45 of The Jellybean Dilemma

His expression held a mix of awe and hunger as he tugged me up to meet his mouth. He reached for my bra. “My turn,” he said, his voice husky with longing.

And I froze.

Greg’s face was inches from my nipples, he sprawled naked before me, and I was minutes away from getting what I’d wanted for years. But icy fear gripped me. “Um, I just need to use the bathroom.”

I ran. Deep gulping breaths did nothing for me. What’s wrong with me? This is Greg, the man of my dreams.

But what if I can’t get off? What if I do it wrong and I really am frigid like Kevin said? The thought of disappointment on Greg’s face had bile rising in my throat.

I mentally shook myself, gripping the edges of the sink as I stared into the mirror. Get a hold of yourself. You’re better than this, and so is Greg. I berated myself as I stalked back and forth, until at last I started to calm down. I used the bathroom, washed my hands, then I heard my phone ding where I’d left it on the couch.

Followed by Greg saying, “What the fuck?”

Oh no. I rushed out to see Greg with my phone in his hand.

“Is this the kind of thing you’re into?” Frustration laced his voice.

I took my phone from him to see a picture of Kevin fucking another girl, her face in the throes of delighted orgasm. The caption read, You know you want to be a dirty bitch, just like her. Someday, Rhonda.

Shaking my head violently, I turned the screen off, trying to erase the awful image from my mind. My stomach sank as a dirty feeling crept over me. Would I ever escape the disgusting mind of my ex?

“Is that why you froze?” Greg said tightly. “Is that what the back seat of the limo was about? The night of the gala when you fucked Kevin and made me watch?” Greg clenched his jaw as he connected all the wrong dots.

My lips parted, and I sucked in a sharp breath. That’s where his mind went? Here he is jumping to conclusions without explanation. Again. I kept my voice controlled and quiet. “No, Greg. Kevin is just a sick pervert who likes to torment me.”

“Well, what happened just now?” He threw his hands up, exasperated and not even letting me respond before he continued, “You shut down again. And why didn’t you tell me about him?” He rapped his knuckles against the phone, fury lacing his words.

Anger flared up in me. “For exactly this reason! Because you always assume the absolute worst of me.” I raised my chin, ignoring the fact that I was only in my bra and panties. My fingers clenched into fists at my side, my nails digging into my palm. “I have to practically beg for a chance to explain myself. Why the fuck would I volunteer to spill my guts to someone who treats me like that?”

I stomped off, realizing at the last second I needed to go to his room for my clothes. After changing into my dry, comfy outfit from before, I dragged my two bags across the sitting room.

Greg perched on the arm of the sofa. “Rhonda—”

With a shake of my head, I kept walking, dropping my luggage in the other room.

“Don’t go,” he said quietly.

My glare hit him as I stalked back to grab my charger and my other bag. “I’ll finish out this wedding sham with you. But when we get back, you’ll need to find other employment. I can’t be around someone who always thinks the worst of me.” I had almost reached my bedroom when he spoke again, so quietly I almost missed it.

“What happened, Rhonda? That night in the limo?”

The words halted me in my tracks. I’d waited so long to explain but had never found the right time. I couldn’t let the opportunity slip away.

I didn’t look at him when I answered, staring at the floor instead. “The summer after I graduated, I realized just how much you meant to me. And you’d filled out, turned into exactly my type of guy. I tried all summer to get your attention, to show you I wanted more, but you ignored my advances. So I came up with a plan. The night of the gala…”

The lump in my throat grew as the memory weighed on me. “I spent hours finding the right dress. Just before it was time to leave, I downed a shot of tequila, so I wouldn’t chicken out.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “It took all the courage I had to kiss you, and you scolded me like I had no idea what I wanted. Like my feelings meant nothing.”

Strained silence hung between us. I forced myself to keep going, and my words were harsh. “So I found a guy who made me feel validated. Kevin. He wasn’t my first. But I needed it after the way you shredded my confidence that night.”

Now the fun part. I didn’t know if it was the wine or if I was just done caring, but I was going to tell him the truth. Every last bit of it. When I finally glanced at him, the pain on his face combined with the tightness in his jaw almost unraveled me.

It was a second before I could speak. “We got drunk, and he wanted to fuck so I took him to the limo. I thought it was empty, was actually pretty bored with the situation, until I looked up.” I tightened my fists, digging my nails in further, welcoming the pain. “There you were, Greg, watching me. All I saw were those beautiful gray eyes staring at me, exactly the way I’d been dreaming about.”

My voice cracked, but I pressed on, needing him to hear all of it. “Suddenly, it wasn’t Kevin beneath me. It was you. Your thumb on my clit, your dick I was riding.” I raised my chin. “When I came that night, it wasn’t Kevin’s name on my lips.”

Greg’s face was pale and his expression strained. His mouth formed my name, but no sound came out. I kept a tight hold on my anger as I pivoted and strode into my room, slamming the door behind me.

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