Page 39 of His Determined Bear

“I’m so sorry,” I sighed as I took the offered towel and wiped my mouth. When I was sure my face was cleaned up, I folded it and pressed it to my neck.

When I finally felt slightly more human, I slowly got to my feet and finally looked at Chef Asaad. I was about to apologize again, but he beat me to the punch.

“I am so sorry, Cooper, I don’t know what could have been wrong. I made your meal personally. Please accept my sincerest apologies and your next meal—” the man looked like he was going to need the use of the toilet bowl any second, and I couldn’t let him believe this was on him.

When it’s on you. This was a culmination of over a week and half of avoidance.

I wrapped my hand around his wrist, stopping him and maybe balancing myself a little too. “Please no,” I shook my head, “This is completely my fault. I have a little stomach issue going on, but I promised to come.” I let out a breath, “I should called you and stayed home.”

“Are you sure?” he said in that accent that made the already handsome chef even hotter. He was French-African from Gabon on his mother’s side and Lebanese on his father’s, hence the Afro-Asian fusion restaurant. And if the food I’d tasted before my stomach revolted was anything to go by, he was going to be just fine. It helped that the alpha looked like he should be on a Calvin Klein billboard in Times Square in nothing but his boxers. But he still was not as hot as him.

I groaned internally because I knew who ‘him’ was, and no matter how much I tried to put him out of my mind, it had not worked.

Fat chance of that when you’re probably knocked up with his kid.

I ignored that voice that had been mocking me all week. Yeah, just like you’ve ignored buying the pregnancy test on your last trip to the grocery store. Very mature.

Now was not the time or the place to think about what a coward I was being.

I returned my focus back to the hot chef, “Everything I had tasted wonderful. Don’t worry, you’ll get a great review in LA Food, and I’ll be back to finish the one for my Instagram account when I’m feeling better, okay?”

He looked so relieved it was almost comical. I didn’t blame him at all. Great restaurants could go under from just one bad review from the right person… and I knew I was on that list.

“If you don’t mind, could I please use your back exit?” I asked because I really wasn’t in shape to walk back to my table. I’d been seated in the back, so I shouldn’t have caused too much commotion. “Could someone please get my things from the table?”

The chef nodded and shot me a smile Colgate would pay to use. Now that he had been reassured he wasn’t about to be flayed in print, it seemed he was back to his charming self.

“Of course, Cooper. I’ll send someone back with it, and please return soon. We would love to have you when la maladie passe, oui?”

“Oui,” I replied. I even managed to smile even though exhaustion already seemed to be seeping into my bones.

When I was finally alone, I rinsed out my mouth and splashed some water on my face. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, “So much for telling yourself it was nothing.”

A waiter delivered my things to me, then led me to a side exit just off the kitchen. When I was finally outside, I drew in a deep breath of not quite fresh air.

Yeah, that was another thing. I now seemed to compare everything to Montana. This place that had been home to me all my life didn’t feel like home anymore. And telling myself, it was because my mom wasn’t here didn’t ring true.

On the way home, I stopped by the CVS close to my house and bought six pregnancy tests. The middle-aged omega at the counter shot me a pitying look that said no matter how many you buy, the results won’t change.

I ignored him, but the drive back home felt like it took forever, but also not long enough. Once I got into the condo and took a test, I knew I would know the truth one way or another.

Don’t you already, though?

I had spent some time on the computer googling early pregnancy symptoms as one did when trying to will things away. And you had four out five symptoms. But you somehow managed to explain away all of them. The moodiness. Mom was gone for the first time. Nausea, but I hadn’t actually been sick? Until today. And who could really say what increased urination was? It wasn’t like I kept track of my fluids or even how much I peed. Fatigue… everyone was fatigued, for crying out loud. And I didn’t feel tender or swollen around my nipples.

By the time I made it from my car to my house, I had almost talked myself out of taking the test. But my logical side knew it was simply delaying the inevitable. It wasn’t like I could pretend away a bump if one showed up. Besides, it was good to be prepared. If I knew, I could make a plan.

I walked straight through my condo to my bedroom with all of that firmly in mind. I stripped out of my clothes first and left them on the bed. I pulled on a shirt that had seen one too many wash cycles and a pair of gray sweats before grabbing the bag with the tests from where I’d left it on the bed.

I walked to the bathroom slowly, not that it helped or would change the results, then opened two tests. I took a seat on the toilet and found myself praying there was no pee on deck. But again, no such luck. I peed on the first one and then the second finally placing them side by side on the sink. I got up, flushed the toilet, and washed my hands. I left the bathroom to grab my phone to use as a timer. Not that I needed it, but it was something to do.

I set the timer and left my phone on my chest of drawers, and began pacing back and forth. The sound of the alarm going off made me freeze in my tracks. Finally, I turned and faced the door to the bathroom but didn’t move to enter.

The alarm continued to go off, even though I had no desire to walk that close the bathroom. I was being ridiculous, so I walked over and silenced the alarm before slipping my phone back into my pocket. After taking several deep breaths and reminding myself that it was highly unlikely that I was pregnant and that I would walk in there and laugh at myself for panicking all this time.

That thought finally got my feet moving until I was in front of the sink. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, “We’ll laugh about this when the stick says Not Pregnant.”

I glanced downwards at where the two tests sat, and I didn’t have to pick them up to see that one word was missing from the results window. Where was the NOT?

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