“I’m sorry.”
I sound so tiny. I want to say more, but it won’t come out.
She rubs her eyes with her knuckles. “Gods, Desdemona, do you never listen! No. Magic. Do you understand me?”
I gulp. “Yes.”
I must be six. I used the Flame when I was six?
“Never again, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Supper’s on the table.”
I look at the food, knowing that it’s only the amount needed to stop the grumbling in my tummy, but not the amount that will fill me.
I eat and try to savor the small amount of water in my clenched mouth. I lay on the bed, and when Mom lays next to me in her spot, she holds my hand, rubs the top of it. “It’s important to watch people.” Her hand moves from mine to my chin. “You’re old enough now to know that there will come a time when everybody needs to fight, and your most powerful weapon is knowing your enemy. Do you understand?”
I nod.
I understand it, but I don’t. Like I’m in two different brains.
“Good.” She rubs my jaw once and turns away.
When Nova says she wants to see my fire again I tell her no. Three days later, she asks again, and I tell her no.
I think of what Mom said. I don’t know what she meant. I don’t know what an enemy is.
No, I know what an enemy is.
When Bernice and I are alone, I tell him, “My mom doesn’t want me to use my magic anymore.”
He’s quiet a moment. “I think she’s right.”
“Why?”
“The Flame isn’t safe. You could hurt people.”
“I don’t want to hurt people,” I say clearly. My voice is so infantile.
“Then don’t use your magic.”
But months pass, and when she asks again, my hand lights on fire and Nova looks at it like it’s a moon. Bernice stands back, with his arms crossed.
“Wow,” she says, stepping closer.
Her long blonde hair falls against my hand. It’s only a second before her entire head is ablaze. “Desdemona!” She cries. “Stop it!”
I step back. Or I don’t. I’m not sure I can move.
“Bernice!” she shrieks. “Bernice, get someone!”
Then she’s just screaming as the fire takes over her face, moving down her clothes, her entire body. “Someone, help!” is the last thing she shrieks that’s audible.
I look at Bernice, who’s frozen too. His eyes on Nova’s burning body.
“I told you it wasn’t a good idea!” he finally shouts.