Page 211 of A Liar's Twisted Tongue

“I don’t simply know your parents. I went to Soma and I picked the two most powerful Lucents.” Lilac grabs my arm, pulling me back. Wendy’s face smiles but it is not Wendy’s smile. It’s sickening. “In the body of your father, I impregnated your mother and used the Soul Ruby to create the child with the power we require.” It whispers, “That’s how you got your scars.”

“That’s ludicrous!” Lilac shouts.

Icarthus ignores her. “I am ready for my favor now.”

My eyes do not leave the Arcane’s, even as Lilac tries to pull me back. “What was the first gift my father ever gave me?”

“I gifted you a silver carved wolf.”

“What was hidden about Silas and Ramona?” I ask.

“They—we—were the true king and queen of Soma. Onto my favor?—”

“I’m not ready!” I shout.

It speaks slowly as its voice dips into a deep whisper, “You didn’t ask me the clearest question.” It tries to mock my tone and fails, “What is the power you require of me? A fine question, son, as it pertains to my favor. Bring me Desdemona.”

The word forms in my chest but does not make it past my throat. No.

I will not.

“The two of you were never supposed to fall for one another. You were made to destroy one another. Lucian Aibek, I command you, in return for my favor, to bring me?—”

Shadows send Wendy back, and she smiles as a puff of orange-gray smoke extinguishes from the top of her head and she falls. It won’t stop the command. Already, every inch of my being is pulling me to find her—even more than I’ve already longed to.

For this isn’t longing. This is necessitating. I have to find her, and then I have to give her up. I can’t do it. Yet I know I will. The prickling in my bones has already begun, and it will turn to pain, and the pain will turn to debilitation.

And as I fight this need that courses through me, I finally realize, I wanted her to be responsible for Lilac.

Because just as I am doing now, I have to fight this feeling in my chest. I have to deny this longing in my being.

I have to face the fact that I fear my heart is opening, and I’m not prepared to let another one in. To have another person to fear for, another person to protect, another person to lose.

Another person to love.

Because love, for me, has been nothing but pain and torture. Torment and tactic. It’s having the life sucked out of me. It’s having to kill to protect. It’s having to die to save. But now, having to truly doom her against every part of my shattering will, I can’t deny the way I feel.

It’s like… I’ve laughed for so long that I have to force myself to stop. To breathe. And my whole body is humming with a feeling that dares to be so fleeting. I want to hold onto it. Wrap my hands around it and carry it with me for the rest of my life, whether it’s hours or days. Minutes or years.

But I can’t. I can only welcome the fleeting moment.

That’s what she is to me.

She is the fleeting moment.

She is the peace when I’ve finished laughing.

And I wish she were responsible for everything bad that’s ever happened in this world and the next.

“She’s dead,” Lilac says. I only now notice that Li is across the room with Wendy’s body, gently closing her eyes.

I crouch next to her and Wendy. Another part of Azaire gone. Will he slowly disappear from me too? The best parts of me have always come from him. His words in my mind. His beliefs in my bones.

Will that fade with time? Has it already?

“I have to go to Lorucille,” I say mindlessly. Lilac looks at me, bewildered. “No.” It’s beginning. “Don’t let me go, Li.” I shake my head, as if I can shake this madness from me. Pulling my jacket off and over Wendy’s body, I say, “We’ll come back for her when this is over. Until then, we fight.”

Then the night surrenders to the light.

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