Page 155 of Dirty Like Dylan

She sat up. And the fucking pity on her face as she looked at me was too much for me to take. I pulled away as she reached for me. “Ashley, I—”

I flew out of bed, grabbing my clothes along the way, and walked out of the room before I could hear another word.

Chapter Thirty

Amber

I found Ashley on the back deck, above the point, overlooking the water.

He’d hopped out of bed so fast after what I’d said—that stupid comment about us sharing a kink—that I was afraid I’d really hurt him, when I definitely didn’t mean to.

He stood with his back to me, leaning on the railing in his black T-shirt and jeans, feet bare. His hair was mussed from the sex we’d just had, from my hands clawing through it. He looked vulnerable and sweet, and angry.

As I neared him, I could both see and smell it: he was smoking.

“How’s quitting going for you?” I ventured, standing next to him.

He didn’t answer me. He didn’t even look at me.

I wrapped my cardigan around myself; I hadn’t bothered to pull on anything but panties underneath and it was pretty chilly out here. I leaned in closer to Ashley so I could feel his warmth; I was on his right side, the Fuck Bitches tattoo on his bicep in my face.

I touched my finger to the tattoo, lightly tracing the F with my fingertip.

He tensed a little at my touch, but still wouldn’t look at me.

“You don’t have to be like this with me,” I told him.

He took a drag of his cigarette. “Like what?”

I dropped my hand and leaned on the railing to look up at his face. “Like… the guy who gets offensive tattoos and drinks too much when he’s angry and lies to his lovers.”

“That’s who I am.”

“Yes. But there are many other parts of you, too. And by now, I think I’ve met them all.” I leaned in closer, until my shoulder pressed against his arm. “I like them all.”

He didn’t say anything. He just stared out over the water, not really looking at anything at all. But his blue eyes gleamed a bit, wet.

“I know how you feel about him, Ashley,” I said quietly. But my words felt loud between us.

He looked at me, finally, his blue eyes crashing into mine.

“And now, I know how you feel about me,” I added, softly. “But did it ever occur to you that maybe you’re falling for me because you think he’s falling for me, too? And maybe you want me to be the thing that keeps him connected to you. You know… sexually.”

The thought had occurred to me, long ago, and I couldn’t exactly pretend it wasn’t true anymore.

“That’s not true,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

“Isn’t it?”

He looked away again.

“If I wasn’t in bed between the two of you, he wouldn’t be there, right?”

He said nothing, but he shook his head a little. I couldn’t tell if he was agreeing with me or disagreeing.

“At least, you don’t think he would be,” I ventured.

Ashley still said nothing.

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