Page 156 of Dirty Like Dylan

“So… why don’t you find out? Just tell him how you feel.”

He laughed a little and flicked his cigarette in the water. Then he pulled out a fresh one, shaking his head. “You think it’s that easy?”

“It doesn’t have to be easy. Lots of things in life that are worth doing aren’t easy.”

He lit his smoke, falling silent again.

“Don’t you think he’s worth the truth?” I pressed. “Don’t you think he deserves to know? Don’t you think he’d want to know?”

“Maybe he doesn’t.”

“Then too bad for him. Tell him anyway.”

I watched him smoke, ignoring me. The gleam in his eyes had dried, but he didn’t look happy.

“Come on.” I elbowed him lightly. “Don’t be a coward, Ashley.”

I meant it as a bit of a joke, since I’d never really thought of Ashley as a coward, but it came out all wrong.

Like stupid tough talk.

Really tough talk, given that I hadn’t found the courage to tell Dylan how I felt about him.

I’d been trying to convince myself for a while now that Ashley telling Dylan his feelings was the right thing to do—for Ashley and for Dylan. And that was true, as far as I could see. But I also needed Ashley to tell Dylan how he felt, because I needed to find out if Dylan’s heart, in any way, belonged to Ashley.

Because I wanted Dylan for myself.

I didn’t even have the courage to admit that to Ashley, right now. I didn’t want to confuse things for him. I didn’t want to make this any harder for him than it already was. But I was also afraid he’d reject my advice if he thought I was telling him for selfish reasons.

I was, and I wasn’t.

I wanted Dylan, but only if he wanted me, too. I couldn’t be the runner-up, the consolation prize, if what Dylan really wanted was Ashley—and the two of them weren’t together only because they’d never found the courage to take the chance.

I couldn’t let myself fall for Dylan Cope any harder than I already had if his heart—or even half of it—belonged to someone else.

“It’s not about cowardice,” Ashley said, finally. “It’s about accepting the truth, Amber. Dylan isn’t in love with me. I’ve accepted that. I’ve accepted having him in my life the only way I can have him.”

“With a woman between you.”

He said nothing.

“How do you know that’s the only way? I saw you touch him, when we were having sex. You put your hand on him. He let you, Ashley.”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

“What if it does?” I challenged. “What if he’s open to being touched by you again, and more? Don’t you want to know?” I knew I did. As much as it might crush me, I had to know.

“I already know.”

“Know what?”

“He’s never judged me,” he admitted. “But he’s not into guys like I am. It’s there, but we don’t really talk about it.”

“Which part?”

“Any of it. About me and the guys I sleep with.”

“You’re afraid what he’ll think?”

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