Page 80 of Raven's Dawn

Hands shaking, I swept the sweat from my forehead and cheeks. A few hard swallows, a dozen deep breaths, but my hands were still shaking.

Too much adrenaline. I needed to get it out. Staying in this bed, where the memory was still so fresh, wasn’t helping.

Carefully, I crawled out from beneath the blankets. Graham’s snoring slowed. An ache pinged through my chest.

The last thing I needed was for him to wake up, see me like this, and further convince himself that I was weak.

His snoring resumed. I had never been so grateful to hear that man snore.

I stepped slowly across the room until I reached the window. It was dark, meaning we had slept through the entirety of the day. Probably didn’t have much time before Graham woke up. Then again, he was exhausted. Maybe he’d sleep for a day straight.

Gently grasping the golden door handle, I edged it open. Hinges squeaked. Graham’s snoring slowed. I stopped. He snored again, and I exhaled with relief.

I tugged it the rest of the way open, stepped outside, and pulled the door into the frame. I didn’t let the lock click.

The cool wind slapped against my skin. It should have made me shiver, but I basked in it. That distant scent of ocean water made the air moist, and I generally hated that, but in the night chill, it was soothing. It was real. It grounded me.

After taking a few steps forward, I gripped the banister. Cool stone bled into my trembling fingers. Every bead of sweat on my body worked with the weather to bring down my temperature. Mohawk fluttered from a perch overhead, landing on the banister before me. As he came in closer, perching himself beside my palm, those shaking hands slowed. Breaths leveling, the thumping in my chest slowed with them.

Understanding followed.

That dream came to me because it was the personification of what I feared most. A time in my life when I had felt powerless. A time in my life when fear was far too familiar. A time when, perhaps, as Amara had said, I was weak.

I wasn’t that girl anymore. I was not weak. But being with that man, letting him hurt me for as long as he had, as many times as he did, was weakness.

Even if that was horrible. Even if I wished it weren’t true. Even if admitting it hurt as badly around that hand around my throat had.

At that time, I was weak. I was weak enough to be with, to stay with, a man who made me fear for my life. He wasn’t even the last one to do it. More came after him, and my gods, how weak I’d been to accept that treatment.

It was the very thing that left me furious with Graham, and Jake, and Amara.

I’d, at one point, been a victim. I hated that word, but I hated more than anything that it was true. I hated that I hadn’t always been as strong as I was now.

I hated that anyone thought I’d ever let myself be that again. I was weak once, but I refused to ever be that again.

“Can’t sleep?” someone called.

I jumped.

She laughed. “You can come down, if you want.”

Peering over the banister, I saw Laila perched on a large terrace below beside a fire pit.

“But if you want to be alone, just tell me to shut the fuck up,” she called. “I will.”

“Love your honesty, but I could use the company.”

She patted the bench beside her.

With caution, I lifted one leg over the banister, and then the other. Calling on the wind, I took a step forward. It caught me. Gently guiding it with my fingertips, I let it pull me down to the seat beside her.

“You’re getting good at that,” she said.

“I’ve played with a lot of elemental magic over the years,” I said, lowering myself to the bench. Mohawk, however, joined the flock of ravens overhead. As if to say, You’ve got someone else to keep you company. I’ll hang out up here for a while. “It’s just more convenient now. No spells, no ingredients, but the same result.”

“Yeah, that’s the crazy thing. People always think that Angels are the strongest, or Fae are, but I think it’s you witches.” She lifted her stick from the fire. A marshmallow flamed on its poke. “You can do just about anything if you train hard enough.”

“You can too, though, can’t you? All Fae can use Elvan magic.”

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