Page 82 of Raven's Dawn

I laughed, and so did she.

“But when I was married to that man, my entire life was wrapped around him. I had money and resources, and it’s not like I was in physical danger most of the time. But there was no hope. I loved Nix, but I couldn’t be with him. I had dreams, and Lux crushed them. And the fact that he wasn’t always violent, that he wasn’t always abusive, almost made it worse. I didn’t know when it was coming.

“In captivity, it was routine. I knew when they were going to torture me. Every three days, twice a week. I could say whatever I wanted to him, and he didn’t hurt me any more than usual. He liked that I was a bitch, that I would cuss him out. He loved me, in his own sick way. I guess Lux did too, but it was more about possession to Lux. He wanted my power; he never wanted me. The guy who held me captive… He was infatuated with me. Obsessed with me. He knew who I was, even though I didn’t yet. And in his own fucked up way, he was kind. Lux was, at times, but every step was like walking on broken glass. In captivity, I never stopped punching, but it was like punching walls made of pillows. Each moment was annoying and frustrating, but it didn’t hurt the same way.”

Somewhere throughout that, my throat swelled up and tears burned my eyes.

I knew exactly what she meant. Not about being held captive, but the way that it hurt to share your life with a man you were afraid of. One who had more power over you. One who you always had to be careful around, that you could never feel safe with.

There was a bit of grief in her eyes when they met mine, but she managed to smile. “You’re not dramatic, Rain. I still have nightmares about Lux. I still remember feeling stuck with him, feeling like I would never get any better than what I had. I remember that hopelessness and that pain. Nothing—nothing—hurts like loving someone you’re afraid of. And even when you don’t love them anymore, all that pain, all that trauma, it sticks with you. And that’s okay. It’s okay that we’re a little bit fucked up because of what they did to us. We shouldn’t have had to live through it. No one should. But it made us strong, even if it makes other people think were weak. To live through that, we’re stronger than anyone.”

Lips quivering, I swept some tears from my eyes. “You learn that in therapy?”

“Or some inspirational quotes I found online.”

I laughed.

So did she. Lifting her arm, she gestured for me to come in. “Come on. Collect your hug.”

It was more of a chuckle than a laugh this time. But I did. I accepted the hug, and she accepted mine, and we sat like that for a moment. Side-by-side, two fucked up women who had been through some fucked up shit and had found a way to live after it.

I understood it now, why they called her the mother goddess. Even if it had more to do with creating a bunch of souls, or possessing the tree of life, I understood because, with her arms around me, I felt like I was hugging my mom.

She’d been fucked up, too. She’d been with shitty men, and she’d seen shitty things. But to live the way she had, with the pain she had, she had to have been stronger than steel. Through it all, she never lost her ability to love. One day, the weight of it all was just too much, but my gods, was she strong to have stood for as long as she had.

“So,” Laila said, offering me a burned marshmallow. “Am I a better bestie than Amelia?”

Snorting, I accepted the marshmallow. “Yeah, you’re a lot chiller.”

“She did kind of have a stick up her ass, didn’t she?”

“A big one,” I said. “I do miss her, though.”

“Give it a few decades,” Laila promised. “You’ll see her again.”

29

GRAHAM

I woke to Rain climbing into the bed. Plenty rested, but it was nice to be in a bed again. Staying in it for as long as possible sounded nice. I only wrapped an arm around her waist and whispered in her ear, “Where’d you go?”

“Just sat outside with Laila for a while.” She kissed my hand. “It’s still dark. Let’s try and get some more sleep. I have the feeling tomorrow’s gonna be a long day.”

Who was I to argue?

So I drifted back to sleep.

A few hours later, we awoke to a maid knocking on the door. She told us the queen wanted us ready for breakfast in an hour. That put me at about eighteen hours of sleep, which I was not complaining about.

Rain and I got dressed, then met with Warren and Ezra. We talked for a while about what came next, heard Rain’s story of her venture through the maze, then vaguely discussed Jake. Warren said he saw a maid lead him into a room last night, or yesterday morning rather, but no one had spoken to him since. There were still a few minutes before breakfast, so Rain and I knocked on his door.

He pulled it open. “What?”

I didn’t overlook that snap, but it was also him and Rain who had gotten into the fight yesterday. Was it my place to interject? To correct his attitude?

“The queen wants us to meet her for breakfast,” Rain said. “We were hoping we could talk a little bit before?—”

“I talked to her already.” He crossed his arms against his chest. “She said I can stay here until you guys are finished with this mission. I like it here. Probably not a bad idea. And I think we’ve all established I’m not the kind of person you need in those rooms. Just above my head. So I’m gonna stay here, get some rest, and then we can talk when you get back from wherever you go next.”

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