Page 56 of Full Circle

I tried to stifle a groan when we stepped off the plane and found two cars waiting on the tarmac. Of course there was some function for me to attend. Didn’t the rich yuppies ever take a day off? The surge of hatred made me murderous, but I tried not to take it out on the driver when he handed me a brand new Armani suit and said, “There will be senators at this function, Mr. Madden.”

For once I turned back to find Celeste in tears. “Can’t you stay with me, just this once?” she pleaded, her voice so small and fragile. “I can’t shake the feeling that we’re getting close to the end, Wes.”

She looked so helpless, clinging to me with hope and fear written all over her face. I hated it, and hated it even more that there was nothing I could do about it.

“I’m so sorry, Celeste, but I can’t tonight. I have to go to this thing or it’ll just get worse with my dad.” It was on the tip of my tongue to add a warning about China, but something held me back. She was already upset enough. Why add that if her mind had started its downward spiral?

Silent tears streamed down her cheeks as she nodded. “I know. It’s not your fault.”

“But listen.” I brightened, trying to sound as cheerful and upbeat as I could in hopes that my surprise on Saturday night might put some wind back in her sails. “I have something really special planned on Saturday night, and your dad is in on it, so you can’t say no.” In the back of my mind, I prayed Mr. Hendricks had been awake long enough to actually have the conversation with Phillip so that I wasn’t lying through my teeth to her. “It’s gonna be so much fun!”

“Okay.” Celeste sniffled, swiping at her cheeks and backing away from me.

The distance instantly put me on high alert. I had the same panic coursing through my veins; there was something bad on the horizon. While it was only a few steps back, it might as well have been across continents. She was slipping through my fingers and she was right in front of me.

I placed a kiss on her forehead with more force than I meant and abruptly climbed into the waiting Mercedes. I didn’t trust myself to look at her again or I would end up telling ol’ Benny Madden where and how he could go fuck right off. It was torture, but it had to be done.

CHAPTER 24

TITANIC REFERENCES CAN’T BE GOOD

CELESTE

Sometimes it just sucked being a girl. My emotions were hitting me hard for some reason and I was irrationally angry with Wesley for leaving me. It wasn’t like he didn’t do the same thing every time we came to Atlanta, but today it hit me like a steel baseball bat. I was so tired of being tired, of feeling overwhelmed, of just being plain sad. Looking in the mirror was the same as looking at a Picasso painting—it made no sense and I couldn’t recognize anything. More than anything I wanted to go back in time, back to when it was just Maggie, Wesley, and me, when Daddy was healthy and The Comfy Cushion wasn’t on the verge of ruin. Now it seemed impossible that I’d ever be as happy again as I was back then.

When I arrived at Emory, my feet automatically carried me up to Daddy’s room. I didn’t even need to look where I was going anymore. Dr. Hassan was just stepping out into the hallway when I arrived. He gave me a kind smile, eyes full of pity.

“Do you have a moment, Ms. Hendricks?” he asked softly.

This was it. This was the day he told me that Daddy was circling the drain.

My breath caught in my throat as blood roared in my ears. I had sworn to myself that when the time came, I would be strong and handle it like an adult so that Daddy didn’t have his last moments racked with guilt, but now that it was here, I sincerely doubted I could manage anything other than a blubbering mess.

Dr. Hassan led me down to a small kitchenette set up near the nurses’ station. He set up the Keurig and hit the button to dispense a small cup of coffee, offering one to me. I mutely shook my head. Coffee wouldn’t go down with the bundle of nerves working its way through my body.

“Miss, I feel the need to express my concern for you,” Dr. Hassan disclosed. “What you are going through would cause tremendous amounts of stress for anyone, let alone a child who has already lost her mother. While I am certainly not a therapist, I am happy to help connect you with someone to talk to.”

The lump in my throat grew. His tone was calm, soothing even, but his words told me that my act wasn’t fooling anyone. I was a trainwreck barreling towards certain disaster. But I didn’t know any way to cope other than shutting down. That was all I could handle or else I would simply fall apart. So I did the only thing I could. I lied.

“I’m fine,” I said quietly. “I talk to my nana, and I’ve got Wes and Maggie. I’ll be fine.”

Dr. Hassan shot me a wistful smile. “You are so young to be taking on so much.”

There was a pregnant pause as I contemplated how to proceed. Was our talk over? Would it be impolite for me to leave?

The doctor finished his coffee and got up to refill the cup. “You know, being a doctor is the only profession in the world where there is a zero percent success rate. Rewards are so few and far between in this field.”

My brow furrowed in confusion.

“It’s true,” continued Dr. Hassan. “What doctor do you know who has allowed their patient to live forever? Part of the human condition is to die, and no matter what medicines we cook up in our labs, nothing can ever reverse that.”

He sat back down across from me, balancing his newly filled coffee cup on his knee. “I have found accepting the fact that at some point, all of my efforts will be in vain is the only way I can live with the outcomes. To remember that I am also human and therefore susceptible to the same conditional flaws.” Dr. Hassan met my eyes, the chocolatey-brown color radiating sympathy. “Loss, failure, grief…they are all a part of it.”

While his heart was in the right place, I was not in the right mindset to hear it. I nodded as though I understood before standing up, clutching my bag to my chest. “That’s a beautiful theory, sir,” I murmured. “I’m gonna go see my daddy now. Thank you, Dr. Hassan.”

With another soft smile and a nod of his head, I was dismissed. His words circled in my head long after I walked away, however. Everyone kept telling me that grief was a natural part of life, reminding me that all people die, yet they all neglected to mention that most people do so after they’ve met major milestones. My daddy would never get to walk me down the aisle. He would never see any of my school graduation ceremonies or meet his grandchildren. I wouldn’t get to tease him about retirement or hear his words of wisdom as I navigated adulthood. Life wasn’t bitter enough from taking away all of those things with my mama, now it had to claim Daddy, too.

Daddy was asleep in his bed when I entered, heavy blankets tucked in tight around him. No matter how much the hospital increased the temperature in the room, the medicine always made him cold. Not to mention he had no insulation now that he was as gaunt as a skeleton. Still, his comforting scent was just the same as I remembered and the rise and fall of his chest served as a reminder that for now, he was with me. I grabbed my own blanket from the cabinet and climbed into bed next to him, resting my head on his shoulder and wrapping the blanket as tightly around myself as I could. The ice lacing my veins had very little to do with the temperature of the room and everything to do with the numbness overtaking my soul.

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