Roman released his grip on my arms and instead began to grasp my elbow to help me begin to sit up. I winced painfully, following their request most obediently, before noticing that I was entirely shirtless. I looked down briefly and then yelped in alarm, crossing my arms over my chest before glaring at Roman.
“Look away, you pervert!” I demanded of him immediately.
Roman had a look of someone in an out of body experience, confused and not seeming to see the problem at hand. Then he slowly rolled his eyes before turning around to face the opposite direction as me.
I turned to Diana, who stood with fabric ready in her hand, her mouth opened in surprise as she had watched the interaction with amusement. I glared at her until she noticed and jumped.
“Right, lift your arms. The alpha can help you if you need him to,” Diana said, a smile on her face despite herself. I grumbled, but lifted my arms myself with difficulty. It seemed harder to breath with my arms lifted, as though the weight on my lungs was too much. Diana began to wrap the fabric around my torso carefully, keeping it loose enough to not apply pressure to my abdomen which would no doubt make it even harder to breathe.
“I can’t breathe,” I grunted, before my arms faltered weakly. I felt the sudden light touch of Roman, just barely slipping his hands under each elbow to help me hold my arms up carefully. I aimed to demand him to look away again, but a glance showed his eyes skyward purposely, leaving the words lost on my lips. I relaxed slightly, allowing the assistance for now.
“A few of your ribs were fractured. It’ll hurt to breathe for awhile, but as long as you take it easy it should heal on its own. The injuries on your shoulder and back were more concerning, but I’ve closed them up. You heal faster than a human, but still not as fast as a wolf… like I said when we met, it’s like you’re pre-shift.”
Diana finished wrapping my torso and bandaging my shoulder before helping me with a shirt carefully. I whimpered during the process, my skin damp from the pain. When Diana was done, I was panting with strain, my body shivering from the aches.
“Diana, give her something for pain, please,” Roman requested, a strain in his own voice. I glanced at him to see a look of discomfort on his features as he looked at nothing in particular. Before I could question him, Diana was holding a small glass out to me.
“Drink this, Mila. It’ll ease your pain,” She said softly. The liquid in the glass was warm, but it didn’t smell like any tea I had ever had before. I was hesitant, but took a drink. It was sickly sweet, enough to distort my own expression in a way that made Diana laugh. “Go on, drink all of it.”
I grumbled, but drank the rest of the concoction. Then I handed her back the glass before looking at Roman again. He didn’t look at me at first, but I suppose he must have felt my eyes on him. He slowly turned that gaze on me, a million words hidden in his eyes.
“Am I making you uncomfortable?” I asked him, my words beginning to slur suddenly.
“Yes,” He confirmed shortly.
“I guess if I died that would’ve made you even more uncomfortable,” I answered with a withering look of accusation. “You deserve it.”
At my words, I felt that heat of anger from Roman, not particularly directed at me but still warm enough to ease the pain within me. Or perhaps the concoction was taking effect. Either way, I could breathe easier, and I felt a relief within that began to lull me into a drowsy state.
“We’ll speak about this later,” Roman said, the statement almost a threat.
“I can speak…,” My words slurred dangerously, my body melting from the inside as I felt myself drift. “…about it… now…” I sighed, and then fell into a drugged sleep where the pain didn’t follow me.
~…~
I spent a few days in the clinic, mostly alone except for Diana and Caleb who was assigned to guard me when Roman wasn’t available- and for those few days he seemed to be unavailable. I suspected he was avoiding me, for good reason. As my wounds healed, my anger seemed to grow.
The image of Lillian’s heart in my hand kept haunting me, echoing like some bad reoccurring dream even worse so than when I had taken the life of that wolf when I was being hunted… even worse than when Logan had killed Vio in front of me. The three deaths seemed to repeat in my head; stab to the head, Logan slicing through Vio, and finally my own hand tearing into Lillian with her eyes wide in surprise.
Was I becoming a monster? Was I already a monster?
When it eventually became too much to stay put and be stuck in my own head, I decided abruptly to end my clinic stay. By that point, I was already feeling better. My ribs didn’t hurt as much and the wounds on my back and shoulder were becoming nothing more than sensitive scars. I didn’t like to even look at them.
My anger felt alive. And I knew just who to direct it at.
I didn’t have much in way of clothing. I only had the shirt and loose pants provided by Diana. I wasn’t even sure what had happened to my previous outfit except to assume it had been ruined by the challenge. However, I wasn’t unaccustomed to just making an escape as I was, so I didn’t hesitate to open the window within my room and leap out into the world.
It was dark outside, but thankfully the air was a nice cool rather than the harsh winter I’d suffered through among the wolves. It felt promising, whispering things of summer sun, flowers, and laughing children. At least, that’s what it should have been promising.
I marched my way with determination towards Roman’s house. Since the challenge, our link to each other remained widely open. At any given time, I could feel him. A jolt to his heart would travel to mine. A shift over his hands felt like liquid over my own, even though physically there was nothing. And the anger, it was always there, heated and eating away at the both of us.
I opened the door to his home, finding it surprisingly unlocked, but the surprise was short lived when I was met face to face with Roman. He stood half dressed before me, expecting me, leaving me only just enough room to step forward and shut the door behind me.
I felt immediate conflicting emotions. Beneath the surprise was an inherent delight at suddenly being so close to him, with no one around to distract his steel blue eyes from taking in every part of my existence. Beyond the delight was uncertainty; a type of insecurity I wasn’t used to allowing myself to have. And above all this was the various colors of ugly emotions: green for jealousy, blue for pain, and bright red for fury.
On my way to Roman, I had so much bottled up within just waiting to explode, but with him standing suddenly in front of me, the words were lost in the moment. I forgot where I wanted to even start. Roman, on the other hand, turned to stone in preparation as he opened his mouth.
“Don’t you even,” I hissed before he could start.