Page 168 of The Waiting Game

He was supposed to be doing something. Getting something. He hadn’t opened the freezer to get this bottle but it was all he could think about at the moment.

If Felix opened it and tipped it back, it would feel so good. He’d feel that warm slide down into his stomach, the heat filling his whole body.

Best of all, his mind would go fuzzy and that pressure that had settled in his chest hours ago would finally go away. That feeling of never being enough would disappear. Vanish, the way the liquor in the bottle did.

Every swallow softening the memory of the look on Jonah’s face as he snarled, “You have no idea what this feels like. Grandma Ji-min’s the only family I’ve got.”

Because apparently Jonah didn’t think Felix and Grandma Ji-min were family in the same way Felix felt about them.

His head pounded, every mistake he’d made on the ice flooding back. Maybe if he hadn’t gotten that turnover. If he’d backchecked more. If he’d stopped Jonah from punching Sutton.

Maybe if he’d done better. Maybe if he had lived up to his promise.

Maybe. Maybe.

“What are you doing?” Jonah asked, his voice shockingly close all of a sudden.

Felix turned, blinking at him. “I …”

Jonah’s gaze flicked down the bottle in Felix’s hand and his expression fell. “No. Don’t do it, Felix.”

“You should really ice your face, Jo,” Felix managed.

“Felix, please. Get help. Call Ismael,” Jonah pleaded. “Whatever it takes. But don’t do this. Please.”

Felix turned and walked away, the bottle still clutched in his fist.

For the longest time, Jonah stared after Felix.

He’d disappeared out the patio door into the inky night. When the lights in the garden shed flicked on, Jonah wasn’t sure if he was relieved or worried.

Felix hadn’t gone far at least.

But Jonah supposed Felix could get just as drunk in there as he could anywhere else.

Jonah desperately wanted to run after Felix and beg him to stop. He wanted to plead with him. Remind him of everything he had to lose. Everything he’d worked so hard for.

Jonah wanted to beg Felix to stop for him.

But he couldn’t. Because Felix had to make the decision himself.

Despite the sick feeling in Jonah’s stomach at doing nothing, he knew if he went after Felix, it would only make the situation worse.

Jonah would do it with the best intentions. Do it to help someone he loved.

But even if it worked, even if it stopped Felix from drinking this time, it would set them up for so many more problems in the future.

Because Felix had to want to be sober on his own.

After Felix went to rehab, Jonah had read a lot of stuff online and gone to some Al-Anon meetings. He’d wanted to know how to support Felix.

And everything he’d read, every person he’d listened to, they all stressed that while a person with an addiction needed support and encouragement, they were ultimately the only person who could make that choice for themselves.

And if Jonah became Felix’s savior, it would wind up hurting them both in the long run.

Jonah couldn’t fix this for Felix any more than he’d been able to fix what was wrong with his grandmother.

The microwave beeped again and Jonah wrenched the door open just to shut it up. Its incessant beeping was what had pulled him out of his daze.

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