Page 170 of The Waiting Game

It wasn’t just that he’d be letting Jonah and Grandma Ji-min down. Letting down fans like Jackson. It was that he’d be letting himself down.

He’d made a promise to himself that he’d do better. Be better.

If Felix went down this road, if he gave in, if he gave up, what would be the point of those long, painful hours of therapy?

The haters, the online trolls, all of the naysayers, all of the people who’d called him a bust … he’d prove them right.

Felix closed his eyes and took several deep breaths.

He wanted to keep playing hockey. Wanted to win another Cup. He wanted to wake up in the morning and feel good about himself.

He wanted to feel like he’d accomplished something in his life.

Felix wanted a future. Hopefully one with Jonah. He wanted to be loved and love someone. Build a life together. He wanted a family. He wanted to do better than his own parents had done.

But even if he and Jonah weren’t meant to be in this way, he wanted that bright, shining future. He wanted a life to be proud of more than he wanted a drink. More than he wanted to forget his mistakes.

This was the moment Felix could either let go of his hope for the future or fight for it.

Felix opened his eyes and realized his vision was blurry with tears. He lowered the bottle to the ground and uncurled his fingers, one by one.

He was shaking when he let go, hands trembling, eyes watering, heart pounding. But he reached for his phone and dialed the number he needed to.

“Ismael,” he rasped when his sponsor answered. “I need help.”

Grandma Ji-min was asleep when Jonah walked into her hospital room.

He took a seat by the bed, studying her face. She looked older. More tired than he was used to seeing her.

But a short while later, when her eyes fluttered open, she saw him and smiled. “Jo-nah. You came.”

“Of course I’m here,” he said thickly. “How are you?”

“Tired, but I’m okay. Can you hand me my glasses?”

He found them on the tray table and handed them over. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and when he pulled back, she looked him in the eye.

“Something’s wrong. Tell me what happened.” His grandmother reached out and rubbed her thumb gently across Jonah’s cheek.

“I fucked up,” he whispered.

Every single one of the things he’d been bottling up inside came spilling out; the turbulent flight, the terrible game, the fight with Felix, the game loss, and even the fake engagement.

Jonah was a wreck by the time he finished, his voice hoarse, his eyes wet.

“Oh, Jo-nah,” Grandma Ji-min said softly.

He glanced down at her hand, tightly clasped in his. “I’m so ashamed.”

She stroked his hair and he felt like a little boy being comforted after a nightmare. “Look at me.”

He glanced up.

“I love you but I’m disappointed in you.”

“I’m disappointed in me too,” he admitted.

“Not that you lost the game. I’d like to give that Sutton boy a piece of my mind too. But because you pushed away the people who care about you instead of letting them help you.”

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