Page 188 of The Home Game

He’d had to lose so much to gain the love he’d found. The family he and the kids had formed, the one they’d created when Matty stepped into their lives … it was so beautiful and good and Antoni loved it with every fiber of his being.

But there was an ache of loss running under it all, a sharp pang of bitter in the midst of the sweet.

He knew life wasn’t really fair and no one had ever promised that it was, but it still felt cruel of the universe to take two good people, two amazing parents, from the world.

Another ragged sob tore from Antoni’s throat.

The sound of pounding feet on the stairs and the door flying open startled him and he looked up to see Matty frowning.

“Baby,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

All Antoni could do was sob harder and then Matty was beside him, gathering him close, wiping his face clean with his hoodie sleeve.

“I miss them so much,” he wept.

A fresh wave of tears coursed down his cheeks and he pressed his face to Matty’s broad chest, clutching at the soft fabric as Matty rocked him and made soft, soothing sounds against his hair.

Eventually, they shifted so he lay on his side, Matty stretched out beside him, holding him close.

For a little while, Antoni drifted on the waves of grief, and then a small face peered at him.

“What’s wrong, Babbo?” River asked.

“Antoni’s feeling sad,” Matty said. “He misses your mom and dad.”

“Me too,” River said with a sigh.

Still sniffling, Antoni reached out to touch River’s hair. “I know, sweetie.”

Then Eli was there and Alexis, and someone settled Reese into the crook where Antoni’s body met Matty’s and he was squashed in the middle of all of them.

It helped, knowing how much they loved him, and eventually the tears slowed and he took a deep, shuddering breath. And then another, until the tightness in his chest was gone.

“Are you okay?” Eli asked, their tone worried.

“Yeah.” Antoni gave them a soft smile and took their hand. “I … I was thinking about your parents today and I ran across the photo book and I got sad. But it’s okay. I needed to cry. I’m sorry if I scared you guys though.”

“No, it’s okay,” Alexis said. “I cry about it too sometimes. We just wanted to be sure you were okay.”

“I will be.” Antoni shifted a little, patting Reese’s belly. “Should we do this on purpose sometimes though?”

“Sit down and cry?” Eli asked and Antoni laughed.

“Well, we might cry. But I meant go through these books. Watch the DVDs of family memories. Talk about them.”

Alexis frowned, like she was thinking really hard about it before she nodded. “Yeah, I think that would be good.”

“Me too,” Eli said.

“Me three!” River piped up.

Antoni groaned. “Nooo. That’s such a bad joke. I think you’ve been spending too much time with Papa Matty, River.” He reached out and tickled her.

She shrieked, grinning. “I love Papa Matty!”

Antoni smiled. “Me too, kiddo, me too.”

But Reese grew fussy, demanding to be fed, so they untangled themselves and stood.

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