Page 42 of Queen of Ruin

I run a hand over my jaw and feel Evangeline touch my shoulder.

“I wish I had known you,” I say, turning around to face her.

“Don’t be angry at your father for lying to Langley that you’re how we knew each other. You know why he did it.”

“I’m not, I just wish I did know you, because maybe…”

“I think we both know you’re no knight in shining armor,” she teases.

I chuckle and raise an eyebrow. “You’re right about that. I just sometimes wish I could be that person.”

“What kind of person?” She furrows her brows.

“The one that saves someone instead of having to be saved.”

“I don’t need saving, Darren,” she protests. “I made a choice to do what I did for a living, and if I had to make it all over again, I would, because that’s what you do for the people you love.”

I place a hand to her cheek and feel how cold it is. “I have never wanted to be the kind of person people look up to, but you,” I brush my thumb along her lower lip, “make me ache to start.”

“So, what are you going to do about that?” she challenged.

“I don’t know.” I scratch the back of my neck. “I only know what I haven't done about it, and I can’t watch while everyone else’s life moves on. Even Alistair has a fucking job,” I scoff.

“I know what that’s like,” she offers.

“When we were viewing the Declaration of Independence…”

“Is that what you call it?” she teases, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink.

I laugh a little bashfully. “You said, this is your Emerson, and I had never thought of it in that way before.”

With those words I had felt seen. I wasn’t in the shadow of someone who was larger and greater than me, I had stepped into the light.

“Sometimes we can’t see ourselves the way other people can.”

“You’re a very observant person.”

“Occupational hazard,” she teases.

“I’m gonna take the Bar in February,” I blurt out, like ripping off a Band-Aid, as if it were something to get through rather than savor. “It’s barely enough time, and if I want to pass, I’ll have to spend all my time studying, but, Evangeline,” I pause to take a breath, “I feel really good about this.”

“You’re going to take the Bar?” she asks in shock.

“Don’t look so surprised. I can be a respectable gentleman of society,” I tease, but she just narrows her eyes at me seeing right through my bullshit.

“Why now, Darren? What’s changed?”

“Everything.” I kick at an innocent rock. “Fate and legacy have caught up to me. I can’t run anymore.” I peer at her, wondering what she’s thinking. “What am I going to do with my life? Because this isn’t working for me anymore,” I gesture to the house. “My parents aren’t coming back. It’s time I lived up to my potential, to take what’s mine.”

I take her hand and even through her glove, it burns through me.

“I want more, Evan.”

* * *

I leave Evangeline asleep in bed to start a pot of coffee. Thank God this house has a regular machine and not one of those fancy ones that only a barista would know how to use.

I woke up feeling better than I had in a decade, like a weight had been lifted off me, even though deciding to take the Bar should be more pressure than I could handle. It’s given me something to work towards, and I haven’t had that in a long time.

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