Page 76 of Queen of Ruin

She mouths the word wow.

The laughter dies, and I look up at her. “Who was your first?” I inquire, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t you have studying to do?”

“Apparently I’m taking a break.”

“Well, don’t let me distract you,” she taunts.

“Uh uh,” I cluck with my tongue, and stop her from leaving the kitchen. “I told you mine, now you tell me yours.”

“Oh fine, Darren, but it’s not as salacious as my friend's older brother crawling into bed with me during a sleepover.”

“Get on with it then.”

“A drive-in theater on a sweaty July night. The air conditioning didn’t work in his truck, so we laid out a blanket in the bed.” She shrugs.

“Well now I know where your fucking in public kink comes from.”

I gather her up, holding down her arms so she can’t swat at me. She struggles in my arms when I feel her phone vibrate in her back pocket and I release her. The wicked smile on her face is replaced with trepidation the minute she checks the screen.

“Hello?” she answers cautiously, as if she already knows the news is bad.

I watch as her eyes change like a shadow passing over them, closing up the blue skies with clouds. I try to wait patiently but she doesn’t look at me – won’t look at me.

“What happened?” I question, and her eyes snap up to mine.

She shakes her head, tears in her eyes, and hand over her mouth. I pull out a chair for her and she gladly takes it.

“She was doing fine. I just spoke with her. The medication was working. How?” she says into the phone.

“I just thought…” she doesn’t finish her sentence, the tears overtaking her speech.

“Thank you, Maria. I’ll let you know when I can get there.” She looks down at me as I crouch down before her, resting my hands on her thighs.

“I’ll be in touch.” She hangs up the phone, placing it on the counter, and letting the tears fall freely now.

She’s in pain, in desperate pain that I feel helpless to fix.

I do the only thing I can and take her into my arms, my shoulder collecting her tears as she once did for me.

“She had a stroke.” She can barely get it out. “I knew there was a risk with her medication, but I never thought…” she doesn’t finish. “I feel like this is my fault. I wanted more good days, and I was willing to sacrifice the possible side effects.”

“It’s not your fault, Evan. It’s okay that you wanted more time with her,” I try to console her.

“I know, it’s just…” she falters. “I knew this was going to happen one day, I just wasn’t prepared.”

“No one ever is,” I offer, and she looks at me understanding the meaning.

There aren’t words to convey how helpless I feel right now, how I wish she didn’t have to go through this. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whisper into her hair.

“I need to go back to Arizona,” she declares.

“I’ll go with you,” I blurt out. “Let me go with you.”

She pulls back just enough to look at me with watery blue eyes. “You have to take your exam tomorrow.”

“I don’t care about the exam,” I blurt out in a rush.

---