Page 77 of Queen of Ruin

“Don’t say that. You worked so hard.”

“I’ll call the pilot, and he can have the plane ready to go as soon as I get out of my exam,” I concede.

“You would do that for me?”

I run my thumb along her jaw. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, Evangeline.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes.

“What could you possibly be sorry about?” I gather her face in my hands, wiping the tears from her cheek.

“Tomorrow is a big day for you and you need to study, but instead you’re consoling me. I just… I don’t…” she stammers.

“Evan,” I force her to look at me. “It’s fine. It’s not your fault. I’ll be fine.”

She nods, wiping the remainder of the tears from her cheeks and pulls away from me.

“What do you need me to do? I can call funeral homes, order flowers, whatever you need,” I speak a mile a minute.

“She had everything planned a while ago. There’s nothing to do really except take care of her personal things when I get there,” she explains.

I take in a deep breath. “What about your mother?” I inquire, feeling the tightness in my chest.

Her eyebrows furrow. “I’ll have to call her,” she confirms with a troubled tremble of her voice. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“I hate that you have to deal with this.” I pull her back into me, running my palm gently over her back.

She wraps her arms around me, and I can feel the tears soak through my shirt, but I just press her tighter to me. I have never been the kind of person someone would turn to for comfort; the kind of person anyone would go to for support.

The feeling makes my chest expand and my heart swell, just as much as it aches for her. In this instance, I’m the strong one, and I’m only too eager to give back to her when she has given me so much.

“It’s okay,” I whisper into her hair. “It’s gonna be okay.”

29

OF ALL THE WAYS TO LOSE SOMEONE

EVANGELINE

I can’t sleep. Every time I do, I dream of Mimi. I close my eyes and see her room, the plain white sheets of her hospital bed, the extra fluffy pillows I got for her, and the afghan from home, so she’d be comfortable.

I toss and turn, trying to not to wake Darren because he has a big day today, and he needs his sleep. When he turns over and places his hand on the back of my head, I let him pull me against his chest.

“When my parents first died, I couldn’t sleep,” he discloses in a raspy voice that sounds like midnight. “Every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing the helicopter. I would sit in the formal living room, because it was the only room that didn’t hold a memory,” he confesses. “I thought it would give me a dreamless sleep.”

“Did it work?” I ask.

“No,” he lets out a sigh. “Nothing worked.”

“And now?”

“It doesn’t keep me awake at night anymore. It takes time, but you’ll be able to sleep again. I promise,” he cajoles in a comforting tone.

“She left me, Darren. The only person who ever truly cared about me… and she’s gone,” I admit, feeling terribly alone in the world, even though I’m engulfed in Darren’s arms.

“Of all the ways to lose a person, death is the kindest,” he laments. “She didn’t leave you because she wanted to, Evan.”

“I like it when you quote Emerson,” I admit, tucking myself deeper into his chest.

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