Page 6 of Until Forever

Today was different and probably the toughest day we’ve had yet. I’m drowning, which is why I’m late every other day. Harmony clears her throat, pulling me from my thoughts, and I realize that something has to give. I bring Mr. Vanek’s chart to my chest, making eye contact with my friend briefly. She grabs my wrist, stopping me from walking away.

“Are you okay? JJ’s still having a hard time?”

I sigh. “He had a nightmare last night that something bad happened to me and he had no daddy to save him. We were up half the night because he doesn’t understand why God didn’t give him a father,” I admit.

“I’m sorry, love.”

A wave of heat washes over me, my emotions building in an instant. But I suck in a breath then let it out slowly to calm myself. I refuse to let this consume my day. It’s been hard enough as it is.

I shake my head and lower my hands, making a fist with one and gripping the chart tightly in the other. “I hate it for him, you know? He was always so good and happy. And I’ve worked really damn hard over the years to make sure he has the best life and—” I pause for a beat and glance to the ceiling with my shoulders around my ears. “I don’t know what to do to help JJ understand. He’s only seven, and he shouldn’t be asking me if the reason his dad isn’t in the picture is because he doesn’t love him.”

I step around Harmony, wanting to put this behind me and get on with my work. But instead, I twirl back to face her, unable to keep the thoughts from taking over.

“I was up with him for hours until he finally passed out on my lap. And because I had to hold it togetherfor him, I spent another hour silently bawling my eyes out, so he doesn’t see me break down. And then I had to fight with him to keep it together long enough for us to get to school.” I prepare to leave, only to stop again. “Which took like two fucking hours.” My voice is loud, drawing the attention of those around me.

Harmony steps closer to me, lowering her voice when she speaks as if to suggest that I do the same. “Okay. Okay. Breathe, Toya. Maybe it’s time to explain the situation to him. He’s a smart kid and is probably more ready for the talk than you think.”

I nod, and my chest heaves from my heavy breaths. “I know he’s smart. But I need to figure out how to tell him,” I add while stepping backward.

“You need a break.” Harmony smiles—her quiet attempt at making me smile, too.

“Tell me about it,” I let out with a half-grin.

“You need to get out. We can’t do anything about that jerk walking out on you. But, wecanput that energy somewhere useful. You have a beautiful, curly-headed cutie who needs to see his momma strong. You’ve got friends and family who love you, and this is only a rough patch.”

I exhale sharply and shuffle from one leg to the other.

“You know what. Take the day off tomorrow. I’ll switch shifts with you, and you can drop JJ off at school. Then spend those hours by yourself. Sleep in, watch a movie, masturbate, or whatever—but try to relax, and after school, take JJ to your parents a night early.”

I nod again. “That does sound good.”

“Yup,” she cheers. “Then you can dress up and meet the girls and me at the compound. We’re getting together for drinks and a game of pool to celebrate my cousin July’s husband Wes’s birthday. Nothing too crazy, but you should come.”

“I-I don’t know. My mom has plans with the women from her book club. And I think I should spend it with JJ anyway. He may still be upset, and the last thing I want is to hear my father’s mouth.”

“You can’t change that, whether it’s this weekend or when he visits them again six months from now. Your dad is going to find out about his behavior and why he’s acting out, no matter what you do. It’s inevitable, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t take time for yourself or that you feel the need to retreat into a bubble. It’s going to be a while before things get better, but the best way to get there is to continue living.”

“You’re right. But even if I wanted to go out, I couldn’t. I told you my mom has plans.”

“Drop him off at my mom, then. I don’t think she’s planning on sticking around the compound, so I’m sure she’d be happy to see him. She’s been asking you to stop by. This way, she gets what she wants, and you get to be around other grown-ups for a few hours. And you can still drop JJ off with your parents on Friday as planned,” she boasts, the thrill written all over her face. She thinks she’s got the perfect plan, and I love her caring so much.

“I’ll take the morning and rest, but I’ll stay home with my baby until it’s time for work on Friday. But thank you, though, I really could use the break, and I’ll take whatever shift you need me to.”

“No, I want you to come. You might even meet someone. The new guy is single andverycute.”

“Nope. I do not want another man. I don’t need that headache.”

“Oh, come on. I’m sure you can use a little dusting.”

“I’m pretty well dusted, thank you. I-I’m over relationships at this point.”

“That’s what you think. But if you get back out there, you might find your boom and realize that isn’t what you want after all.”

I shake my head in silent protest and stare at my friend. “You’re crazy,” I add sarcastically. “So, I’m going to get to work before Fiona fires me for not only being late but also for slacking off with you.” I point at her with raised brows and a pinched expression then finally step away from her. I chuckle and let out a soft breath.

As I approach my patient’s door, she yells out behind me, “You can be there around eight, and there will be food.” Her voice is high and hopeful.

“Bye, Harmony,” I throw back at her and stop to knock before entering the room. “Mr. Vanek. Um.” I swallow and blink rapidly. “I’m Latoya, and I’ll be your nurse today.” I awkwardly stretch my fingers to pull myself together. “It’s good to see you.” The end of my words fade out when I catch the scowl on his face.

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