Page 118 of Little Sunshine

Say it.

Say it.

Just fucking say it.

I didn’t. I had no clue why I didn’t.

I was an adult. I’d been slapped, pinched, shaken, hit with a wooden spoon, and an assortment of other punishments as a kid.

Contrary to his assertion, I didn’t need more.

But try as I might, I couldn’t force the word from my mouth.

Not even when his hand came down again harder. And again. And again. Tears streamed from my eyes. I wiggled. I kicked. I hissed and cried out and begged.

All without ever saying stop.

The burn spread and took over, making each blow blend together until I wasn’t sure how many there’d been.

How many there would be.

It was like I was stuck in an unending loop of pain and shock and something else.

It started slow. A trickle of warmth. A hint of calm.

It grew and grew, leaving me raw and off-kilter until an overwhelmed sob broke free. Once it did, there was no stopping it. It wracked my body, hurting far worse than his spanks.

With one last slap, Ash gathered me upright and adjusted my panties into place. My head swam. My ass stung. My tears didn’t slow.

He held me through the worst of it before leaning me back so he could see my face. “Talk to me.”

I hadn’t been able to force myself to tell him to stop. But at his firm order, the truth came flying out in a jumbled mess of run-ons and residual tears. “You don’t trust me. And I get it. That’s my own fault. But that doesn’t mean knowing you won’t leave me alone at your house doesn’t suck. And then it sucked like a million times worse that you had security follow me. Which, again, it’s my fault. Blah, blah, blah. That doesn’t make it any better.” I swiped at the dumb droplets still trailing down my cheeks. Like a dam had been broken on them and my mouth, all the suppressed insecurities and thoughts spilled free. “And you put me in a stupid dress again because my clothes aren’t good enough. And I’m not good enough. And I don’t belong here, so if you’d just release me, I’ll go.”

Ash remained silent through my rambling, his face blank and giving me nothing.

Something was definitely karmic in that, considering how often I used my own masking abilities to keep people from reading me.

He slowly nodded, and my heart sank all the way to the underground garage.

I needed to get away so I could curse the cruelty of the universe in solitude. But when I tried to wiggle off his legs, Ash’s hold remained unbreakable.

No, it tightened.

I’d be surprised if he didn’t leave finger-shaped bruises.

Mementos of what could’ve been.

“I mean this in the nicest way possible,” he said, making me brace, “but what in the actual fuck are you talking about?”

Oh my God.

It was probably never that serious to him, and I just unloaded an entire warehouse of crazy.

I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.

I tried again to push off him, more frantic than when I’d been facing an impending spanking.

“Camila,” he bit out in warning, and I stopped fighting. “Let’s start at the beginning. Why don’t I trust you?”

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