Page 164 of Little Sunshine

“No, nope, that’s fine.” She was silent again, but it was a different type. A weighty one. After a minute, she inhaled deeply. “When I was little, Veronica had this big shot real estate agent boyfriend. Everyone loved him. Even though it was forever ago, I still remember everyone telling us how lucky we were that he’d come into our lives. That he’d rescued us. They had no clue what a monster he was. He was all about appearances, and everything had to be perfect. But Veronica was a damaged twenty-five-year-old who just wanted attention. And I was a typical five-year-old who made messes. When he…” She took a shaky breath. “When things got bad, I’d hide in the closet. I think that’s why I’m claustrophobic and afraid of the dark now. It’s just wrapped up in those memories.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“I made the mistake of telling my teacher. She reported it, and I had to live with my grandparents for a little while. But Veronica and the guy denied everything, and my nan coached me to say I lied.”

I rolled her onto her back and leaned up so I could see her. “Tell me you’re fucking joking.”

She shook her head. “Nan knew that if they broke up, we’d move back in until Veronica found her next man. To be fair, I don’t think she knew how bad it was. She thought he just yelled a lot, and that it was good for Veronica. So I said I got it confused with a movie I wasn’t supposed to be watching, the investigation was wrapped up, and he dumped her anyway. And she never forgave me for that.”

“What about your father?” I asked.

“Don’t know. Veronica tried to pin me on some guy she was seeing by giving me his last name, but he wouldn’t sign the birth certificate. And then the paternity test came back negative, so it’s one big mystery that I never intend to look into.”

“Christ, sunshine. I don’t understand how you lived through all that and still turned out so perfect.”

She cracked up laughing, but it wasn’t a happy sound. It was harsh and bitter. “I’m not perfect. I just made a scene—again. We have to have a night-light because I’m an adult who is afraid of the dark. I’m clingy and needy, and the calmest I’ve ever felt is when you have me tied up because it’s like?—”

When she cut off abruptly, I pushed. “Like what?”

“Like I can just be,” she admitted before rolling onto her side. “I’m still really sorry about earlier.”

“No need to apologize. Ever.”

“Does that mean there’s also no need for a punishment?”

“No.”

“It was worth a shot.”

I repositioned us and listened as Mila’s breathing quickly grew even. I didn’t fall asleep as easily.

Holding Mila, I thought about all the secrets I kept. The lies I’d told. The blood on my hands.

I couldn’t hide that part of me forever. I just had to hope that when I told Mila, it wasn’t already too late.

Chapter 27

Allow Yourself to Anticipate Things

MILA

Waking up the following morning, I opened the door to head out to the living room before Ash’s voice stopped me.

“Maximo is here.”

Yikes. That was close.

I closed the door again before changing out of the sleep shirt and into leggings and a ripped crop. Since Ash was likely already dressed, I tossed the tee into the hamper.

When I stepped out that time, Ash was coming from the kitchen with a mug of coffee for me. He kissed me—hard and thorough and not at all appropriately in front of an audience—before going back enough to look at my face. “You good?”

Even with the impending punishment lurking over my shoulder—or ass—I whispered, “Yeah, I’m good.”

He smiled and handed me the coffee before taking a seat at the table where he had his laptop open.

Maximo sat next to him, but his sharp gaze was on me. His firm tone was almost as commanding as Ash’s. “You ever have an issue when he isn’t around, talk to me.”

I had no idea why, but my gaze shot to Ash. His smile was immediate as he lifted his chin. When I looked back and nodded at Maximo, he was smiling, too.

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