Page 31 of For Fox Sake

I haven’t seen him since Ari’s party on Saturday. I’ve been avoiding him. After Ari interrupted us the other night when we were having that charged sort of moment, he hightailed it out of there like he was being chased by a swarm of killer wasps.

Did he just get caught up, like I did, but then panicked and ran? Maybe he realized he was about to kiss a single mom with no money, no real future outside of Dull, Oregon, and chocolate cake stains on her shirt.

Maybe he wasn’t going to kiss me at all. Did I misread the situation?

Possibly. It’s been a while since I actually... liked someone enough to care.

He’s been through so much. He’s imperfect in a way that’s so perfect. Which means I’m sure I’ll find out something terrible about him.

Or he’ll find something terrible about me.

I’m almost thirty, and other than raising an amazing child, I have nothing to show for my life.

I have a degree I can’t use, a dying parent I can’t take care of, and a vagina that hasn’t had company in almost five years.

Pathetic.

“Did I tell you how I overheard him asking about you?”

“What? Oh, right.” I had forgotten. She was going to tell me something at Ari’s party. “What did he say?”

“He was asking Elaine about you, and Mia, and your mom. Random stuff, totally digging for intel. I told you he’s into you.”

What kind of questions was he asking? Is that weird?

We reach Mom’s door, and I can’t ask her for more details, because Mom is agitated, her voice rising as I enter the room. “I don’t know you. Where’s Anderson? Why are you here? Are you trying to steal from me?”

My heart sinks. Anderson was my father.

“Hey, Mom.” I stride over to her bedside and take her hand from where she’s smacking her palm on the bed rail.

Her fingers clench around mine, her eyes pleading. “Ryan. Where is your father? It’s almost dinner time. Is Mia playing outside? You need to make sure she doesn’t run around too much.”

“I’ll grab the nurse to see if they can give her some meds,” Bernie murmurs before disappearing out the door.

I swallow back the lump in my throat and sit in the seat beside her. “It’s okay, Mom. I’ll watch Mia. It’s all going to be fine.”

She reaches over and pats the top of my hand. “You’re such a good sister. I don’t know what we would do without you looking after our baby.” She leans back in the bed and shuts her eyes.

This whole conversation is the story of my childhood. Most of my days revolved around making sure my baby sister Mia didn’t overexert herself and send her heart into a tailspin, an impossible task when we were both young and wanting to play with all the other kids.

I resented it sometimes when I was assigned to watch Mia instead of being able to run around with my friends. Never outwardly. I shoved it down inside because Mia suffered enough with the forced inactivity, not to mention the innumerable doctor and hospital visits where she was poked and prodded and tested. I would give up a million summer days for one more hour with her.

“Are you okay?”

My head shoots up and I lock eyes with Jake, hovering outside the bathroom door, his concerned gaze fixed on me. “I’m fine.”

I’m not fine.

My mom is dying, slowly. I’m exhausted.

His eyes search mine, brow creasing in concern. “If you need anything, anything at all... let me know.” He disappears out the door.

I turn back to Mom.

Maybe I’m imagining things, seeing what I hope for every day, but her eyes are clear, and her gaze is direct. “You’re doing a great job with Ari. Mia would be so pleased.”

My mouth pops open. “Mom?” I whisper.

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