Page 100 of My Shy Alpha

Noah rubs my back. His eyebrows are set in heavy concern.

I sigh. “I know, it’s a trip, but that’s why it took so long for me to realize my OCD wasn’t an ally helping me. Compulsions were destroying my life. They do quiet things down for a bit, but OCD will always say, ‘Well, what if?’ And yeah, what if? I’m not a god, so I don’t know, and I can’t know. But OCD is a trickster, pretending to keep me safe by piling on compulsions. In the meantime, I just get more and more afraid, constantly increasing the number of compulsions I feel absolutely required to complete to stay safe until I have nothing left of myself.” I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans before burrowing them beneath my legs. “It got to a point where I couldn’t do simple, daily tasks without feeling a deep, unavoidable responsibility to make sure I wouldn’t die or accidentally hurt anyone else in some freak accident.”

Jenny nods. “That’s why we want to support our loved ones in accepting uncertainty - reminding them that maybe something bad will happen, or maybe it won’t. We don’t know, but we’ll try our best to figure it out when we get there. That’s life, right?”

“Right. If I can accept that everything in life except death is uncertain, I can conquer my fears,” I say.

“Fuck, okay. That makes sense, but...” Noah scrubs his forehead, concern riddling his frown. “Shit, I need to wrap my head around this, hang on.”

My heart flips. He’s so serious about this. Trying his best to understand. I knew he would, but it’s different witnessing it in person. I want to shout out Jenny’s window, announcing my love for him to the street below us, but I also want to hide under the couch’s lavender pillows, feeling a little too witnessed.

But I understand how uncertain Noah feels. I grab his hand, redirecting his focus. “I know, this is probably weird sounding to a protective person, but it’s also my responsibility to not ask for false reassurance. I always respond with ‘Maybe, or maybe not,’ and refocus on the present, but I don’t need you to take care of that for me. Just being here with me through my discomfort - like you are right now - is a huge help. What I actually need.”

After gazing into my eyes, his worry lines dissolve. Noah grasps my clammy hand, running his thumb over my knuckles. “Okay, if that’s what you need, I can do that.”

With the arm around my shoulder, he ever-so-subtly traces my mark. The loving, gentle empathy that washes throughout my whole being from his touch makes my eyes water.

“It’s okay, love,” he whispers. “I can be there. Easily.”

I lean in and kiss Noah square on the lips. He sucks in a heavy breath, his hands wrapping behind my head to pull me in deeper. The desire that hits our bond flips my heart a million times over. I grip his jacket for more.

As he gives me a soft, humming purr, I’m shocked into remembering where I am on the planet. I release his lips with a louder smack than intended, placing my hand over his on my waist. “Noah, we’re in therapy–”

He jerks away, dropping his head with red cheeks. “Shit. S-sorry.”

Jenny and I burst into giggles, and Noah covers his blushing smile.

As Jenny and I walk through everything I want to share with Noah, he gazes deep into my eyes, enthralled with me. Wanting to know everything he can to support me.

The past few years, millions of intrusive thoughts warned me that telling my future partner everything about myself could ruin our relationship. But OCD didn’t imagine this scenario.

Before Noah, this level of acceptance was too beautiful to fathom. But now it’s real. And I’d do the exact same for him.

After the session, we walk through the forest, surrounded by a peaceful hush of rustling leaves. It’s raining on and off, soaking Noah’s hair and the black denim of his sherpa jacket, but he doesn’t seem to care. He can’t stop smiling, huddling up to my side as we walk.

I laugh. “What’s gotten into you, cutie?”

He pulls me to a stop in the middle of our usual wolf-shifting practice area, taking my hands. “I’m just... Really happy you asked me to join you today.”

My eyes burn as I feel his emotions digging much deeper than that.

All this time I was worried I’d burden him, but now that I finally told him, I made Noah feel special.

Happy tears spill from me. Noah holds me close in the quiet forest, tracing me with heavy-lidded eyes. I cling to him as we sway together, knowing in my heart that he’s the most important person I’ll ever meet. Even if I have nothing else but his presence by my side for the rest of my life, I’ll feel at peace.

36

The next morning, I have no regrets about spending an intimate night in Noah’s arms. Shifting by today was a lost cause, anyway. I’m still terrified to surrender full control to my wolf.

My stomach recoils as I rummage my closet, yanking out options until there’s more on the floor than still hanging. The welcoming ceremony is tonight, and even though word spread about Noah being mated, it’s my official introduction to the entire pack. I need to look nice, especially since I couldn’t get myself to shift in time to run with everyone tonight.

Noah pokes his head into my room, and my shoulders sag.

I’m still in my towel, but he’s looking gorgeous in the Full Moon Ceremony clothes I picked out from his collection: embroidered silver thread outlining forests and moon cycles across a black vest. The ornate design is buttoned over a white, billowy-sleeved tunic that contains whispers of his thick arms in its stretched shoulders. The way Noah holds himself is so casual - relaxing into each step like his nimble wolf - that he fits the part of a confident king.

I can’t get over how stunning Noah is. He seems so gentle when I look into his eyes, but wearing this, he also emanates power. That’s the perfect example of who he is as an Alpha, even if he’s not always into tradition.

Taking in my disastrous room, Noah chuckles. “Sweet Omega...”

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