Page 102 of Love Me

“When did you pick me?”

Her face breaks into a sad smile.

“Always.”

She lifts on her toes and places a kiss on my jaw, hugging me like she wants to preserve this moment. Before I give in to destroying what was left of us.

“Here.”

She peels my hand open and puts the keys in my palm.

“I have so much to tell you. It’s bursting from within me. But we’re toxic. For a love like ours, it’s quite sad how we turned out. Go, it’s okay.”

She steps back and says to the girl in a shaky voice, “I’m sorry, I let myself go. But he’s, he was… it doesn’t matter.”

Celine halts one more moment. “We failed at the whole marriage, but maybe we can try to be friends?”

Friends? We could never be just friends. We fucking burn for the other. I watch her climb into her car, dabbing at the corners of her eyes, smiling at me, trying to reassure me it’s okay. Even the pain is worth it. If my love for her kills me, then so be it. Without her, everything is meaningless. With her, everything is worthwhile.

When the car’s rear lights vanish, I get in the driver’s seat and wrap my hands around the wheel.

“Your ex?” the girl lowers and pokes her head in my car. I thought she was long gone.

She’s brunette. I guess she’s cute with her twin pigtails, petite frame, and amiable smile. But girls, women—they don’t even exist in my orbit of interest.

I can’t do this. She’s not what I love, what I crave. No one else is but Celine. We have hurt each other too fucking much to keep doing this. I refuse to continue doing this shit to her, to me, and to us. If Celine wants to talk, then we’ll talk. We can either find a way to be together, or she can fucking kill me because I can’t live like this any longer.

“Please close the door.”

“It’s okay. I mean, after that show, I guessed as much. Was worth a try. Bye.”

I speed away, but I can’t go home, and do something stupid like wring her neck, kiss her until we both suffocate, make love until I actually put a baby in her belly, and chain her to me so she feels how I feel––like I can’t escape her.

I need a clear head and full control over my emotions.

After I drive aimlessly for a while, I park in front of a bar downtown. There’s a low chance that someone would recognize me here. After the fifth beer, I call Blake.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Drinking.”

“Where?”

I give him the address, and twenty minutes later, he plops down on the bar stool next to me.

“What happened? Celine… behaved strangely.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. Different… smiling at us, hugging us.”

After I drink two more beers, he pays and helps me to my feet.

I wobble on my legs.

“Where is Abi?” Blake asks.

“Hopefully having the best night of her life.”

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