Page 108 of Love Me

I sit at Grandmother’s table, and think of you. It’s day number 245. I count them, Sky. Every one is a reminder of my heart aching. My soul misses its mate, my body trembles with need. You wouldn’t recognize me, and forgive me, but I had to become this cold hearted man so I can have the upper hand. I can’t let the others down. Choosing your freedom meant I chose you. I am glad the group understood because I might be loyal, and they might be my family, but in the end, I would always choose you. I hope I can tell you everything one day, or you will find these letters with all my confessions. I hope you do. Some things I don’t want to relive. Some things are better left unsaid.

What did they do to you?

I find the letter dated on the night that changed everything. The paper is crumbled, the words smudged, almost unreadable from the tears mixed with the ink. I sob even before I start reading.

Do you remember when we laughed at this Family, at their hunger for power, at their uptightness, and at their dislike of each other and still they work together?

I was initiated tonight. Lucky me. They pinned me to a chair and injected something into my neck, my eyes fixed on the screen. I heave at the thought alone, at their display of showing me I am nothing but a tool. Seeing the people you consider family violate you like that… And even as I didn’t understand what was going on, my father said.

“To whom does your loyalty belong?”

“To whom are you faithful?”

“Who will you serve?”

They injected me with a truth serum while reminding me if I chose you, your fate would be even worse. I had to see you dying on the screen again and again. It hardened me.Whatever fucking mental games they played, I knew one thing. If I didn’t choose them, I could never have you. Even though my veins burned, to the point I thought my body was on fire, I endured it with a poker face and gave the answer they wanted. But even that wasn’t enough, because the torture continued.

I did what I had to do so another barbaric initiation wouldn’t take place. To create their perfect loyal soldiers, they find the one thing you love, your weakness, as they call it, and make it disappear. Everything will be held against you and used to their advantage. When you beat at my door two nights later, every inch of my skin hurt. But I would not allow them to do that to you. So I cut my heart out for you but also for me because I would have killed them all if they ever laid a hand on you.

I swore my loyalty to Grandmother, that I’d do whatever she wanted, but she had to send you away in exchange. She said she would let you go if you didn’t pledge your loyalty to her. I manipulated you to choose me. This is my sin, Sky. But nothing they did compared to seeing you leave. I wear your love behind a layer of stone.

Everything is dark and worthless, but at least you’re safe.

Sobs wrack my chest and hiccups steal my breath away. I stumble from the bed and drop to my knees, barely making it in time to reach the bathroom. Hugging the toilet, I empty my stomach, yet the acidic, putrid taste remains in my mouth. When I expunge all the venom, I crawl back to the bedroom and lie on the floor, my eyes on the sky above.

Those damn heartless bastards. I remember Kaden flinched in pain when I tried to touch him. He had to do what I would have done too––protect, because when you love, that’s the first thing you do. Protect it at all costs.

Oh, Kaden. I could have taken their treatment again and again for you. You wanted to protect the girl, yet she transformed––a reverse metamorphosis, from an innocent girl to a fighter.

It will take me days to finish the letters, but who cares? I won’t leave this place until I have read every single one.

And then what? Every new letter I read motivates me more, not just to take the Family down but to annihilate them.

I learned how to be strong out of choice. You learned how to be strong to survive. I will find a way to free us all.

Leaning against the doorframe, I take her in before saying, “I pictured us here. Relaxing by the ocean when I built this place.”

Celine’s glassy eyes find mine. The image of her on this bed, in this house I created for us, has me questioning if I am dreaming. This world is not big enough for us not to find each other. We’re two magnetic poles.

This love of ours is not rational. It goes beyond physical. It’s endless.

My letters lay scattered around her in a blanket of confessions. Emotions punch at my chest. All my love, my fears, are now in the open.

“You know, snooping through these letters is punishable by law.”

She gives me an intent look. “I don’t think that counts when they’re addressed to me.”

I cup my neck. I just want a bit of easiness to push at the sadness cloaking the air around us.

“How did you find me?” she asks in a meek voice.

“Even though Bailey refused to tell me, I knew she was helping you. And I got the confirmation when I opened my nightstand drawer and the other set of keys was missing.”

“Smart.”

I love this woman so fucking much.

She looks to the side, avoiding my gaze.

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