Page 36 of Love Me

Kaden grabs my wrist. “You’re playing with fire, Celine.”

“I’m not playing with fire. I am the fire.”

I’m angry about losing control, but what gets me even more is how they look at me as if they don’t know who I am. They don’t, not anymore. If they hold a certain image of me, they should replace it. That good girl they once knew was trampled on until she was gone.

Changing into shorts and a tank top, I walk outside my room, heading to the gym. I’ve had enough of everyone for one evening. I would gladly move out if I could. And I still have to return that damn key. I won’t need it anymore.

Inside the gym, I opt not to wear gloves or hand tape. I want this to hurt, to remind myself that I don’t care about any of them.

I shouldn’t allow them to get to me. The end justifies the means. Afterward, I can settle somewhere else and be an ordinary student.

I drive my knuckles into the bag again and again and again until the pain shifts into numbness. Bouncing on my feet, spots dance before my eyes. Sweat gathers at my nape and droplets roll down the valley of my breasts. But I push myself to deplete every ounce of feeling left. The sack sways with every kick. I punch harder.

Clapping takes me out of my trance. There he is, a sultry dream. Kaden’s chest is bare, looking like a damn model, all chiseled features and toned body. He’s only wearing sweatpants, adding more appeal to an already devastatingly beautiful image. I can’t take my eyes off him. But when I see my necklace hanging from his neck, a surge of anger washes over me.

I attack, forcing him into defense while I search for any opening.

“Fight me.” My insides scream with rage, hurt, and dejection. Yet he doesn’t react.

“You’re a fool if you ever think I would fight you.”

I push at his chest. “I am asking for it.”

“Sky… how could I touch even a hair on your damn head? I’d rather kill myself.”

“Don’t you ever call me that again,” I yell.

He drops onto his ass on the mat. I climb on top of him, shoving him on his back, but the fight in me dies when those eyes of his halt me. He looks so utterly dejected.

“Fight me, already.” Maybe then I could actually hit him and in the process beat the weakness out of me.

“I need to know. Was it me who turned you into this?” his voice cracks, emotions overtaking him.

I squeeze my eyes shut. We should be fighting. When I open them, tears flood my vision at the image before me, making me so damn weak and emotional.

“Shut up, Kaden.”

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to look at you, searching for the girl you must have buried?”

“That girl was a nuisance.”

“That girl was my sky. My––”

“Stop. Don’t say that… you don’t mean it!” I shout at him.

“I don’t mean it? I don’t fucking mean it? You’re so cruel.”

“If I am cruel, then you’re the definition of heartless.”

Our breaths turn labored.

When his arms inch toward me, I shoot up. He can’t be the one to hold me after he pushed me over the edge. I haven’t stopped falling. I need to hit rock bottom so I can start climbing back up.

Rushing up the stairs, I swallow my pain. Shutting the door behind me, I slide down the wall to the floor. I rock myself, and when I am done being pathetic, I pull myself together.

In three days, we’re going to see Grandmother. We’ll both need more armor than makeup to hide our secrets as we face the matriarch.

I lie on the boxing ring floor and scrub a hand down my face. She must have trained because she handled that heavy bag with expertise. Each punch and jab were perfectly delivered. A mix of surprise, shock, and pride jolts my insides. I remember vividly how she hated violence, and now she thrives on it.

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