Page 53 of Bedding the Biker Next Door

“Yes, but she knew when she passed, things would be different.”

He shook his head. “She was worried. I get that. She wanted to know I’d have someone. But I just—I just couldn’t let her tell me who he was. I didn’t want to know. That wasn’t always the case. When I was growing up, I desperately wanted to know. I had all these big ideas about him. I put him way up on a pedestal.” Cole paused in thought.

“What happened? What changed?”

“I got used to not knowing. And when my mom wanted to tell me, I couldn’t handle it. In a way, I thought it would be betraying her. Like she’d die knowing she’d been replaced somehow. No way I’d ever do that to her after everything she did for me.”

Jill touched his hand. “Cole? I don’t think she would have felt that way. You knew her much better, of course, but she admired you, loved you. She just wanted you to be happy.”

“I was happy. I am happy,” he said, staring into her eyes. “Happier than I’ve been in a long time. Maybe ever.” He stroked her arm again. “What you and I have? Right here? Right now? I want more of it. I want to spend more time with you and see what we can be.”

He knew it was worth putting off working in San Francisco or riding cross-country to spend time with her. He watched her eyes widen. “Jill, I don’t know what will happen but I’m hoping for forever. That’s worth taking a risk on. Don’t you agree?”

* * *

Jill was so touched that tears stung her eyes. She fought them off, wanting to keep her head and think clearly. If she meant that much to him… If he really wanted a shot at forever… Maybe they could find a compromise, build a life together but make sure it was balanced, so he wouldn’t resent her. She decided to take a chance and tell him about her deepest fear. He had opened up and shared with her. She had to do it, too.

“I…I do agree, but I don’t want to be a burden to you,” she said, tears on the edges of her eyes.

“How could you ever be a burden?” He reached over to stroke her face. “You’ve done nothing but enhance my life.”

She took his hand in hers. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something.” She took a big breath and let it out slowly. “I never told you how I met your mom. We met during chemo.”

He stared at her for a moment, almost like he didn’t believe her. Then, he sucked in a breath, and she dropped her gaze, afraid of what his expression would reveal. “We underwent treatment at the same time. Mine wasn’t as serious, but it shook me up bad, Cole.”

It was dead silent, but only for a few seconds.

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” His voice had a slight edge, like he didn’t want her to see that he was angry. His words however said it all. He was mad.

“I was afraid. Well, first, it was just too private, and…I mean, we had a one-night stand. I didn’t think you needed to know. We weren’t going to stay together. There wasn’t a reason to tell you. But now…”

He slid his hand out of hers. “Wow, that’s something…”

“I’m sorry, Cole, but like I said, there was no reason to tell you before. And I mean, we’ve only known each other a week.” She crossed her arms defensively. “I’m sure there’s lots of things about you I don’t know,” she ventured.

He glanced up for a second, as though he’d been lost in his thoughts. Or emotions? Was he so angry he couldn’t talk? “All right,” he finally said. “I can see that. But you said it wasn’t as big a deal for you. Does that mean you’re okay?”

“As far as we know, I’m fine. We caught it early. It’s gone. There’s no guarantees, of course, but…”

He blew out a deep breath. “Okay. Good. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m fucking relieved.” He tried to pull her in close, but she shook her head.

“Wait, Cole. That’s not all. I might as well get it all out there. My father had early onset Alzheimer’s disease. I could have the gene for it, too. I’m going to get tested. At least, I’m considering it. It’s scary and part of me doesn’t want to know.”

Cole’s eyes resembled a frightened deer, and his hands shook as he suddenly ran both hands through his hair. “Jesus, Jill. How could you not tell me this until now?”

“I was afraid to. And up to now, we’ve kept an invisible wall between us. Neither of us was willing to take a risk at forever. But what you just said… I was hoping… Have you changed your mind?”

She sucked in breath when he failed to answer right away.

He saw her fallen expression and shook his head. “Don’t look at me like that. I still care for you. I still want to be with you.”

“But you’re no longer sure if the risk is worth it?” she whispered.

“Yes. No.” He dragged his hands through his hair again, his face not just conflicted but agonized. “You have to understand, Jill. My mother’s been sick on and off since I was sixteen. I’ve lived over a decade watching her bounce between health and illness, and the fact I couldn’t save her—I just don’t know if I can handle that again. Not with you. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”

“I understand,” she said, even as she felt her heart breaking. It’s what she’d known all along. She was a burden. A ticking bomb. What man would ever want to be saddled with her?

“I’m saying things all wrong. You’ve just taken me surprise, that’s all, but—” Before he could continue, though, his phone buzzed, and he glanced at the screen. “Damn it, this is Luke, and he’s started on the Taylor job today. I need to take this. Can I have some time?”

---