Page 20 of Saint Baptiste 2

“What you’re doing... it’s going to end badly. Last night was a tragedy, but baby... it can get worst. I can’t imagine this ending well for either of you.” She leaned her head to the side. You know, with sympathy as if I needed that shit. “I care too much about you to see you get hurt, baby.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and recorked the bottle. “I need you to leave.”

She hung her head with defeat, shaking it again. “I’m just trying?—”

“And I’m trying not to take it to a place of true disrespect with you, Em. So, again... I need you to leave. I won’t ask you again,” I cut in with a squint.

She pulled her lips into her mouth, nodded, and walked away. I watched as she took her sweet time putting her shit back on.

“I care about you Saint,” Emerald somberly murmured as she pulled her white leather coat on. “And I don’t want to see you crumble over this.” She turned and hooked her purse over her arm before walking off. “You cannot control her. Every time you try you’ll fail, and your ego will be bruised. The same way it was last night. There is a lot of,” she paused and twirled her finger around as she stood beside me. Pointing at my head, she continued, “Stuff going on up there. Too much stuff. Sort your shit out. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to take my concerns to someone else because Pandora’s isn’t the only thing you put at risk last night. You know that though. You’re better than this. We’re better than that. So, please... get it together.”

She then brushed her hand across my cheek, kissed me on the other, and walked out.

I stood at the bar, staring off at nothing for a while. A lot of what Emerald said was true. She was right, actually... about all of it. The only problem with what she’d said was her timing. She didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. I learned long ago that Naoki couldn’t be controlled. I tried. Tried for a very long time. The submissive shit didn’t work with her. She was... different. A challenge. For a while, that’s all she was for me. Until one day, I looked up and I wasn’t trying to control her anymore. I found myself leaving that part of our ‘situation’ out of it more each day. Found myself losing control, rather than gaining it. Last night was me trying to regain it.

I huffed, poured up another shot and tossed it back with a light grunt.

I failed. Didn’t do shit but lose even more of it.

CHAPTER 5

NAOKI

Sage: One of the nurses asked about you.

What the fuck was she at the hospital with them for? With him? But she left me though. Said fuck me...turned her back on me, once again. She didn’t have time for me, but she had time for them? For him?

Sage: She asked if you was my sister. LOL. Said we looked alike.

Me: She lied. They think all black people look alike.

Why did I respond? It was a fucking impulse.

Something about the way she texted me pissed me off. Did she forget? She couldn’t have forgotten. Sage knew how I felt about those people. Why did she feel the need to tell me she was with them? With him? And LOL? LOL what? What the fuck was so funny? Why was she so jolly? She was having a good time with them, hm? Aw, how fucking cute.

Sage: So, you reply to that but NOTHING else? Not even my apology?

Sage: u tryin’ to say I’m ugly?

Sage: ???

Sage: Wow.

I rolled my eyes and tossed my phone back on the table.

Crossing my arms back over my chest, I leaned my head over to the side and stared at the TV screen with a frown. I was watching... Hell, I didn’t know what the fuck was playing. Whatever it was, I wasn’t watching it. I’d been sitting on the couch, in front of the TV since last night. After Sage left, I was a fucking mess. I didn’t go out as planned. Didn’t do anything but stay inside, a sad ass mess. I sat in the same spot I woke up in and finished a whole bottle of wine, ate pizza, and cried until I exhausted myself out and eventually fell asleep.

Any time I woke up, I sank. Thought about the things they could have done differently. Wondered why she didn’t fight for me. Thought about how she was his emergency contact, but SiSi was mine. SiSi had always been mine. Since I left the house, she had been, at least. Mothers were supposed to go in that spot. Fathers too, but shit... I didn’t have one of those. Shit, I didn’t have a mother neither.

My phone chimed and I checked it. Door-dash was almost here. Good.

I turned the phone back off and sat it on the coffee table. The only time I powered my phone on was when I had to order food. I was in no mood to talk to anybody. Obviously. Sisi had been blowing my phone up, too. I definitely didn’t want to talk to her.

Ding! Dong!

The dasher rang my doorbell, and I sat there a moment, waiting for him to leave. Once I heard him back out of my driveway, I pushed up off the couch to grab my food. When I opened the door and saw that the food was left on the bench instead of in front of the door like I put in the notes, I rolled my eyes. I looked a fucking mess. My hair was all over my head. I looked like I’d been electrocuted. The people over here already had their opinions about me; the last thing I needed was for them to think I was crazy, too. It would be hard for me to fight them allegations, chile.

My neighborhood was filled with mostly old people—old white people. But there were a handful of older blacks too. The wives were of course, the worst. Mrs. Sherman, Mrs. Lampkin, and Mrs. Brown loved to gossip like my granny and her friends used to back in the day on the block. Apparently, I was lonely and couldn’t find a man. A sweet girl who just needed a man and some kids. Little did they know, I didn’t have those things because I didn’t want that shit. Well... for a very long time I didn’t. I still didn’t. I just... shit. Anyway they had it wrong about me though. I wasn’t lonely. I could find a man. Kids were annoying. I was perfectly fine.

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