Page 46 of Saint Baptiste 2

Not Dion’s; Naoki’s. What the fuck was she doing here? I was stuck for a moment. She was too. I was caught off guard not only by how beautiful she looked, but by the nigga standing beside her. Was tempted to say fuck the award, jump off the stage and go across the niggas head with it. A couple times. On God. Would have for sure did damage.

But as a Baptiste, at a formal event, with about two hundred sets of eyes on me, what the fuck did I have to do? Be a good ‘ol boy like Pops ‘nem wanted me to be. Couldn’t lose sight of what was important. Couldn’t lose focus again. Couldn’t do shit but be a puppet, smile, and watch the only woman I loved drift further and further away from me.

Scratching the top of my head, I ran my tongue over the corner of my mouth and cleared my throat. “Damn, don’t you look good tonight?” I complimented. Spoke into the crowd but my eyes never left her.

She was beautiful. Absolutely fucking breathtaking. Did she know? I mean, truly. I didn’t think she did. I couldn’t imagine. There was no way in hell she knew. If she could see it, she would then know why I couldn’t let go. She knew what I’d said was for her only, because the minute I said it, that hand went to her neck like I knew it would. That told me all I needed to know. She was mine, still, even with a nigga standing beside her. He was on borrowed time.

Once that was settled, I turned my attention and did what I came to do; pretend. However, it wasn’t all about pretending. The façade was just a front. I did appreciate the acknowledgment. Any time I was given recognition for anything separate from the family as a collective, it meant a little more. Held more weight. That didn’t change just because I didn’t want to be in attendance. Damn sure didn’t change because she was in the crowd with… who was she with again?

Naoki was alone.

Shit, so was I.

I didn’t give a fuck about anything outside of us.

Less than five minutes later, I was joining her in the women’s restroom. I cut the acceptance speech Jackie drafted for me short as fuck. I told a couple jokes, thanked the alliance and got the fuck off the stage. Was greeted at the bottom by ol’ girl I came with but shit… I walked right by her as if I really was alone. Remember? If Naoki was in a room, my attention stayed on her. I couldn’t see past her. She was, and always would be, the focus.

When she noticed me walk up behind her at the sink, she flinched.

“What are you doing in here?” Sighing, she brushed her hand over her forehead. “You need to get out.”

“Have I given you enough?” I asked, ignoring her.

I was aware of what I needed, and it wasn’t to get out.

She turned around to face me. “Have I given you enough—Huh?”

“Time. Have I given you enough time?” I asked, standing directly in front of her. My eyes landed on her lips, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. However, I played it cool. Respected her boundaries—as much as I could at least. Putting my eyes back on hers was the safest thing for me to do. Lost in her eyes was one of my favorite places to be any fucking way. Despite how bad she wanted to keep me out.

“Saint, I—you know you cannot be in here,” she whispered, with shifty eyes. Always had shifty eyes. Always hated to be seen. By me. That’s why I knew she didn’t know how beautiful she truly was. She couldn’t possibly know. “You’re not at some party. You’re here on business. You literally just got an award. You can’t be caught in the women’s restroom.”

“I don’t give a fuck about shit outside of this restroom, cheri,” I honestly told her.

“You need to,” She looked up at me with raised brows and my eyes traveled down her slender neck. I waited. Watched as that pulse increased. Pausing, she glanced by me, at the trash can I pinned against the door. “Saint, I need?—“

“I know what you need, Naoki. I know,” I interrupted. “I’ve given you what you needed. Time. Space. A lot of it. Enough, I hope. Please.” Delicately, I grabbed her by the waist. “Tell me I’ve given you enough.”

There wasn’t one grandiose thing about Naoki that made me fall. She didn’t cook me meals, surprise me with shit… didn’t ‘do’ anything to make me love her. All she did was ‘be’. What she gave me wasn’t tangible. It was a feeling. It had always been a feeling. The minute I put my eyes on her at Vault the first night I met them—her and Sienna— I felt it. Ignored it then because how was I to explain to even myself what I felt? For a stranger? Thought I was imagining things. But then I saw more of her. At parties. At the house. And that feeling she gave me, when I looked into her eyes, I wanted more of it. Got it and then fucked around and lost access to it. That was on me.

The past month in a half had been fucking torture. Not because of anything anybody else had done. But because of what I did. I had to live with the person that ruined my life. Self. That shit was unsettling. That shit was uncomfortable. I never had to do that. Never had to stand in the mirror and question myself. Never had to sit with self and truly ask… was it worth it? Trying to hold on to that power?

What power?

Control.

My reason.

At Pandora’s everyone had a why. I didn’t have it anywhere but there. The only thing I did have true control over was women. The way I handled them. Pussy. The way I handled it. But Naoki. Shit. Naoki… She challenged that. Made me fucking crazy. I—I needed control. Didn’t have any over my life per se. Was thrown into a position I wasn’t ready for. The lifestyle—the business, that was chosen for me. Shit, what if I wanted to play basketball? Football? What if a nigga wanted to be a got damn doctor? I didn’t have a chance to decide. I never had a choice. But with women? Oh, hell yeah. Once I realized I could choose that, it was up. When I learned how to intertwine control, sex, and women… it was up.

And then she came along. And I found myself losing it. That control I had finally got a hold of… that power. Inch by inch. Bit by bit, I found myself losing it. That shook a nigga. Made me lash out. Sent me spiraling. I didn’t want to lose control. But, tonight, as I stood before her, I could say with confidence, that I was ready. Ready to give it all up.

I didn’t need control here neither. What she gave me felt a million times better.

Naoki took a deep breath and shook her head. She looked away and I gripped her chin. “Have I given you enough time?”

“I don’t need ‘time’ Saint. I’m trying to… I need?—“

“You need more time,” I pause to clear my throat. I felt her slipping. She was slipping and I was losing her.

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