Page 56 of Saint Baptiste 2

She stood beside me, crossed her arms over her chest and gave me a side eye I couldn’t help but laugh at. “No, that’s insensitive. I didn’t mean it like?—”

“You good, Si. I swear you good,” I said with a laugh. She was ‘bout ready to have an emotional meltdown all because she kept it a buck with me. “Facts though. You know what it is. Shit, everybody in this bitch know what it is. They know who Samuel was. The only people in here that give a fuck is Tasha and Ma. But shit it’s really just ma for real.” I nodded toward her.

She was with her grandchildren. Bebe was behind her, brushing her hair, while Jah Jr. sat in her lap. Dream was busy, talking her ear off, painting her nails with polish. Whole time, ma just sat there with a smile on her face, absent from reality. Tasha had to sit right beside her, in case she disconnected so much that she forgot she was holding nephew. Seemed like she was good in that sense though. Had a really good hold on him.

“Do you think she’s going to be okay?” Sienna softly asked.

“Would you be?” I asked.

She looked up at me and her eyes immediately filled with tears. “No. What kind of question is that, Saint?”

I didn’t say anything, just turned my attention back to my ma. “You understand then.” the both of us went silent for a few before I decided to finally ask her the question that had been gnawing at me since she walked in. “How is she?”

Sienna sighed. “She’s okay.”

“Happy?”

My heart raced with anticipation. Seeing Naoki at The Black Effect with another nigga really fucked with me. It took everything in me not to react the way I wanted to. Every single time I thought about tweakin, I saw those eyes. I said they would haunt me until the day I died. I didn’t realize they would save lives, keep me out of prison, my families legacy safe, and keep me in misery too. I guess that would sum up what it meant to be haunted by some shit though, huh?

“That’s a question you should ask her,” Sienna mumbled. “Look Saint... I might be fucking up some kind of girl code or some shit like that by telling you this but?—”

“Then don’t tell me. Stay loyal to your friend, Si. I’m good. I’ll be good,” I interrupted.

I didn’t need any information that I wasn’t supposed to have. If whatever she wanted to tell me was meant for me to hear, I would hear it. from the source. I refused to let Sienna break her loyalty with Naoki just because she thought I was down and needed my ego fed. I was good. Not good-good but in due time I would be.

Sienna pulled her lips into her mouth, smiled and nodded. “Okay, Saint.”

Her eyes did that thing again. Teared up. Usually, I’d walk away. Instead, I leaned in, hugged her and told her I appreciated her again.

“Remember we walked in on them niggas running the hood rat bitches from up the block?” Emu asked Jahad before passing the blunt to Blaise.

Jahad tossed his head back against the couch and laughed. “Man yeah.” He frowned. “Wild as hell. Had the whole crib stinkin. Couldn’t get the smell out for days. I was pissed.”

We cracked up laughing.

I pulled from the blunt, smirked, and looked over at Simon. “Ay cuz. Remember you fell in love with one of?—”

“Fuck you,” He interrupted with a laugh. “I didn’t fall in love with that bitch.”

Laughing, I shook my head. “Naaaah. That’s not the way I remember the story, cuzzo. Couple weeks later, this nigga came in the crib stressed.” I looked over at B, “Kind of how this nigga be ‘bout Ari when she be givin’ him the blues.”

We laughed and Blaise gave me the finger.

“Anyway, so look... Simon walk in the crib, stressed. I’m talkin... down,” I reached over and passed the blunt to him. “He say ‘Kaka’. I fucked up cuz. I don’ fell in love with...’” I paused and tilted my head to the side, with a squint. “...What was her name cuz?” I asked with a smirk.

He hung his head low and shook it. “Myeisha.”

I shook my head. “Myeisha. Been fifty years and he still remember the bitch name, but he say he ain’t fall in love. Yeah, aight.”

Whole room cracked up laughing. We were back at the crib, in the den. Always at my crib. However, tonight was different. It wasn’t about business. Just family, kicking it. My brothers and I, Emu, Simon, Nix... shit all of us. I had a crib full of muthafuckas. At least thirty of us. There were a few blunts in rotation. Bottles everywhere. Maurine was definitely going to earn her pay tomorrow.

I missed this. Felt like I was in my early twenties again. My shoulders didn’t feel as heavy. Didn’t have the weight of everything on them. For the first time in a long ass time, I felt like me again. As much as I could with that pivotal piece missing. But... a nigga was alright. My mind was clear. I was focused on the future. Trying my best to embrace what was and accept what happened. I was who I was because I was who I was. I handled her the only way I knew how to. I wasn’t wired right. Didn’t know how to lean into love. Didn’t know how to embrace what I felt. That was aight though. When I walked out of that restroom at The Black Effect, I walked out a little lighter because she knew the truth about how I felt. At least I got that up off me. At least I was able to tell her. Regardless of if she believed me or not, I told her. I spoke from the heart. Stopped running, looked her in the eyes and told her exactly what I saw when I looked at her. Told her exactly what I felt when I was with her.

Naoki was that one... always would be that one. I was sure I would never love again because that feeling... what she gave me... I refused to believe I’d find it anywhere else. I didn’t give a fuck about anything else. Would roam around this bitch the way I used to... aimlessly with no destination in mind. Fucking with the pure purpose of getting a nut off. And I was aight with that.

However, if given a second chance, with her, I would do all of the things I did wrong, right.

“Fuck all that,” Simon dismissed, waving me off. “Where the ho’s at cuzzo?” He yelled with a grin. “We grown now. I guarantee you I?—”

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