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Then he takes another sip of coffee. “I think I’m going to do it. Only let me procrastinate a little while first. Let’s talk about this front door of yours.”

We end up hanging out most of the day. We go back to the hardware store, but find nothing, so we spend a little while trawling online until I find a beautiful door with a glass panel with a rosella in stained glass, and I have to have it. I picture the wooden facade and the renovations to the kitchen I’ve been dreaming of. Pretty soon I’m sketching plans, and Luke is nodding and doing calculations, and it’s all planned out. Months of stalling, unable to make any decisions, and suddenly I can’t stop. We order a whole stack of materials, and the project gets bigger and bigger, completely different from what Oliver and I had originally planned.

I’m excited.

I haven’t felt excited about anything in so long.

I could work remotely for a while. There’s no reason I need to be in the office next week, or the week after. The longer I get to avoid dealing with the Oliver situation, the better. So I leave a message for Dad, unable to face calling him. I let him know I’m going to work from home for a while. I leave out all the personal stuff and just give him the basic details. One day, I’ll go back to Sydney and face reality, but not today and not next week.

The more decisions I make, the happier I feel, and the easier the next one is, and the next.

By the time Luke leaves to go see his dad, I’m feeling positively blissful.

FIFTEEN

Luke

“You really oughta do something with this garden bed here, Lukey.”

Dad jerks his head at the bed which runs along the side of my house and is currently full of weeds and broken tiles. I should. I know I should. There are a lot of things I should do here, I just haven’t had the motivation.

Our hands are full. He’s helping me carry some rotten sleepers from the backyard out the front, so I can get rid of them. I’m taking it as a good sign he seems as strong as ever. My dad’s always been a mountain of a man. I remember when I was really young, he’d toss us up in the air and catch us. Thought of him that way until I was almost twenty. Like he was larger than life. Indestructible.

“Yeah, I know, Dad.”

I liked Mia’s idea about going for a drive. There’s something about not sitting across a table looking at each other that definitely makes it easier to talk to him. When I called him, though, he asked me how my garden was going, and I had to admit I haven’t done anything to it since the last time he was round. So we ended up at Bunnings for weedkiller and a new shovel. Then he decides I need to clear all the junk from my yard and pull out the old tree stump that’s been there for years.

I get the impression he’s trying to make sure I’m distracted.

We dump the wooden beams and turn back to tackle the stump taking up half the yard. I grab the spade and Dad wheels the wheelbarrow behind me. “Hey, Mum says you’ve gotta go up to Sydney next month for an appointment.”

“That’s right.”

Dad’s behind me. I can’t see his face, but I know he’s got his head down, avoiding the topic.

“Must be something important to go all the way to Sydney.”

He grunts.

When we reach the back, I turn and pin him with a look I hope says I’m not going to just leave this alone. “Dad, we’re worried about you. Me and Jack and Noah.”

“Wanna start on that side, I reckon.” He points at the side of the stump where the rain has eroded the soil around the roots.

“Dad!”

He sighs and puts the barrow up against the house. “It’s nothing. Just a lump. This is why I told your mother not to tell you boys.”

My mouth goes dry and the spade thunks to the dirt. “A lump?”

“It’s nothing, Lukey. Damn doctor wants to stick a tube up me clacker.” His face turns a deeper ruddy shade, and he scuffs the ant nest under the window with his boot.

I laugh despite myself, and he scowls.

“Not nervous are you, Dad? Surely by your age you’ve had a few doctors go up there.”

“Don’t you start.” He waves his finger at me, but I see the smile cracking the corners of his mouth.

“Nothin’ to worry about, Rob. Happens to all of us.” A beat up old gardening glove appears on the top of the fence. Moments later, Mr Parker’s bald head pops into view. He leans on the top of the fence, and I have the urge to dash around to his side to check if his step ladder is stable. The last thing he needs is a fall right now.

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