Page 29 of Our Radiant Embers

A butterfly flitted by while Liam scrutinised me, his expression giving nothing away. “You spoke about five words to me when we were in school together. And then suddenly, that night at the pub, you’re ready to acknowledge my existence?” He tipped his chin up. “What, you spotted the token gay boy and decided to have a little fun? And the moment it’s done, you kick me out of your car? Real classy.”

Jesus.

For weeks following that night, I’d done my best to suppress all memories of it. There was no point in dwelling on things I couldn’t have. But even though I’d tried, I hadn’t been able to let it go, stuck between fear and a twisted kind of longing each time I thought of Liam’s mouth on mine, his hands in my hair, the solid pressure of another man up against me. So I’d told Cassandra. No one else knew.

I cleared my throat, a raw taste on my tongue. “I didn’t kick you out of my car.”

Liam’s chuckle was hollow. “Yeah, you did. Barely let me pull up my trousers.”

Was he right? I struggled to form clear images in my mind of what had happened after—after he’d come on my face, after he’d got me off and I’d sat up with a sudden sense of doom gripping me.

“I didn’t mean to,” I said weakly.

“Funny.” His tone implied it wasn’t. “That’s not what it seemed like at the time.”

“I panicked.” The words were out before I had a chance to censor them. I remembered it now—shadows closing in, and I’d needed to be alone, needed Liam gone so I could put my head between my knees and find a way to keep breathing. Somehow.

“You panicked,” Liam echoed. He didn’t sound like he quite believed it.

“You knew me, and suddenly, you knew my secret.” I dragged in a rough breath, the air scented with the sweet aroma of lavender that mingled with the heady perfume of roses. Sunlight reflected off the manor’s windows, too bright in my eyes. “Fuck, Liam. I’m not like you.”

He took a moment to react. “What—gay and middle class?”

“No, I mean—I…” It shouldn’t be this hard to say it, right? “I’m in the closet. Surely you know that by now.”

I’d expected to feel better after getting it out in the open. I didn’t.

Liam released a slow breath. “That’s a choice.”

“Easy for you to say.” I tried for a laugh that scraped along the back of my throat, nearly making me choke. “When I say I’m not like you—I mean that I care what people think. Maybe too much. And I’ve got this whole…legacy resting on my shoulders.”

A brief moment of silence stretched between us, the humming bees vibrating in my bones.

“Are you the only powerful mage in your generation?” Liam asked, so quiet I could have pretended to miss it.

How did you know?

I drew a breath and held the air for five, six, seven seconds, then released it slowly. Strange—while I might not like Liam, I trusted him. “You know I have to deny that,” I said, just as quietly.

If people realised that we were vulnerable…If I showed any weakness…Gale could become a target. Christian too, and my younger cousins. We’d set up a few situations where my powers were made to look like theirs, casual manipulations of a flame while I seemed occupied with something else. But when push came to shove, it wouldn’t protect them.

Liam raised one shoulder in a gentle shrug, his eyes serious. “It’s still a choice, you know? I’m not saying it’s an easy choice—but it is a choice.”

I dug my teeth into my bottom lip, the sting of pain providing a badly needed focal point. “That night at the pub?” I glanced away, bright purple dots swimming in front of my eyes. “I’d come straight off a fight with my father. He wanted to announce the engagement.”

“Guess that explains why you were drinking alone.” Palpable hesitation coloured Liam’s voice. “Does Cassandra know? About you.”

“Yeah, she does. Gale too.” I aimed for a smile and suspected it turned out like a grimace. “And you, I guess. And whoever you told about…us.”

Liam was silent for a few seconds. “So how does that work? With her, I mean. Like, will you marry her eventually?”

Tiredness gripped me and bled into my voice. “I don’t know. She’s got a boyfriend, though. He’s a good bloke.” Words tumbled through my brain, and I didn’t quite know what point I was trying to make anymore. “But her parents wouldn’t like him. Low magic. And he’s got an immigration background even if it’s third generation, so…”

“Fuck, man.” Liam took a step towards me and stopped. “That’s quite the golden cage you’re trapped in.”

No response came to mind, so I shrugged and turned my face away. The sun’s brightness stung in my eyes. Toughen up, honey.

I started walking again, and after a moment, Liam fell into step. We were quiet for a minute.

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