Page 26 of Margins

Elijah’s breath is so fucking warm where it ghosts over Alex’s mouth. “From me.”

“Just not tonight.”

“No, not tonight.”

“But you—if you know how to do all of that—if you know how to feel all of those things and tell everyone they’re allowed to feel them too—” Alex pauses, Elijah’s hands searing where they hold him still. “Why have so many of your past relationships failed?”

It takes a long time for Elijah to answer, and for a while, Alex thinks maybe he’s not going to. They both stay quiet while he lets go of Alex and backs away, gesturing for Alex to move into the living room and watching with his lip caught between his teeth while Alex gives into the pull of exhaustion, finally settling under the blankets. Elijah glances to where Poe is already asleep at the far end of the sectional, then back to Alex, and he sighs as he turns off the light.

“Because I’ve never had good and easy and content and comfortable before.”

Chapter Seven

Alex wakes earlier than he should, his body clinging to habit in spite of the alcohol and a later night than usual, and he’s not about to wake Elijah just for the short ride back to the bar. He’s as close to silent as he can be while he greets Poe and uses the bathroom and changes back into his clothes, already looking forward to tonight when he’ll finish with work and dinner and be able to go to bed early. And though he’s not a huge fan of poking around anyone’s house, Alex easily finds a pad of paper and a pen attached to the side of the refrigerator when he steals an extra bottle of water, and he scribbles a quick note to leave on his pillow, blankets already folded and stacked next to it.

Didn’t want to wake you, so I got a ride back to my car. Still on for lunch on Saturday?

And thank you. For everything.

A car picks him up minutes later, and he’s home after battling morning traffic and a headache he probably deserves. His house is still too big and too quiet when he gets there, but it feels less like a penance of some kind and more like a basic fact of life, so he pushes past the empty walls and treats himself to a long shower to finally wash the campfire and Elijah away.

Once he’s dressed, coffee in hand, he starts working his way through three days of emails, his phone chirping as soon as Alex has forced himself to stop staring at it. Something about a watched pot, he supposes.

Yes and you’re welcome. Sorry I didn’t say goodbye

You said goodnight. Didn’t need more than that

It’s too much, he thinks, suddenly too sober and unable to breathe, but Alex sends the text anyway and tries not to worry when he doesn’t hear anything back. He throws himself back into work, heading into the office for the rest of the day because it’s louder there, and staying a little late because he can. Elijah is already at the bar by the time Alex is making dinner at home, and he’ll be there after Tyler leaves as repayment for last night, but that’s good too, no temptation to check in with him when Alex gets tired again and his defenses wear down.

Friday is more complicated for him, even with both of their jobs pulling them in opposite directions again, and Alex pretends not to notice the timing of Elijah’s next text, and how easily he's able to avoid a longer conversation.

Headed to work in a min. lunch at my place tomorrow? Pizza?

Yep I’ll see you then

That has to be enough for Alex to believe that things are okay between them, even with however stupid he’d definitely been Wednesday night and how cowardly he might have been Thursday morning. After an expectedly restless sleep, he drives to Elijah’s on Saturday, books resting on the seat next to him, convinced he’ll keep his mouth mostly shut while they read about Peter and E for the first time in two weeks. But when he knocks on the door and it swings open seconds later, Elijah’s smile is shy in a way it doesn’t have to be, and Alex offering one back might be the thing that nudges both of them closer to something brave.

“Damn, I thought you were the pizza guy,” Elijah quips.

“I can get out of the way if you’d rather spend the afternoon with him,” Alex teases back.

“Nah, I mean, if you’re already here, I guess you might as well stay,” Elijah says, moving to the side to let Alex in and closing the door behind him. “You can set the books down on the coffee table, and then we can eat on the patio if you want.”

Alex looks over Elijah’s shoulder at a small area he hadn’t noticed the other night, not really big enough to be called a backyard, but kind of cute all the same. There’s a little table and two chairs and a small stretch of grass for Poe, who probably doesn’t run around as much these days, and Alex nods, dropping the books off while he looks around at everything else he’d missed the first time he was here.

To his right is the hallway leading to Elijah’s bedroom, the bathroom, and a second room Alex hasn’t seen yet, maybe a little office or gym or something. To his far left is a cute kitchen with a dining area just on the other side of a high countertop, nothing fancy but good enough for the handful of people ever likely to be hanging out in a two-room condo. And here in the living room is the sectional and coffee table, a decently big TV, a couple of bookshelves—

And a record player.

“You bought one,” he breathes.

“I—what?” Elijah asks from the kitchen.

“You kept the vinyls and bought a record player.”

Elijah ducks his head, his cheeks pink, shy when he looks back up at Alex and shrugs. “Someone suggested I should.”

“You work at a bar. I’m guessing a lot of someones suggest a lot of things,” Alex points out.

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